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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think labour can’t be THAT bad?

802 replies

Bumpingbumping · 23/08/2019 13:15

Potentially being extremely naive, and of course this is excluding exceptional circumstances/emergency situations.

But aibu to think labour can’t be as horrific as people make out? I’ll be giving birth in 10 days time following an induction and everybody keeps asking me if I’m terrified and telling me how awful it will be.

Surely if it was THAT bad people just wouldn’t do it? Or would opt for a c section?

Again, feel free to hit me with the facts because I’m possibly being naive. But does anyone have any nice birth stories? Particularly following an induction?

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 23/08/2019 13:39

You know when you have craps and you know you need the loo now...
Nothing you can do expect flow with it, both different, both more than expected, but not the horror show friends had said, very little blood .
Partner sat me up, when 6 cm dilated, I threw up. But didn't happen next time.
But it really is a case of your body can cope, and worth it

vickyq1983 · 23/08/2019 13:39

I had 2 relatively uncomplicated births with just gas and air, one only 4 months ago, so my memory of it is still quite fresh.... it hurts. A lot. The contractions I can handle but the pushing bit? Sweet holy Jesus. It's like you are being torn in two. Both my baby's have been nearly 9lbs though so I would imagine that's not helped. However, you get through it and time passes and then you have a baby and it's all forgotten. Good luck OP.

Chivers53 · 23/08/2019 13:39

Everyone is different, and it depends on your expectations. Labour was fine for me until 10cms, I was on gas and air in the birthing pool and it wasn't until baby hadn't turned that it was agony. But went into surgery and had forceps, the injection was amazing and didn't feel a thing, I did haemorrhage which wasnt great, but recovery wasn't as bad as I thought. Just remain open minded, accept pain relief if you are struggling (there really are no medals for pushing through without any), don't be afraid to let the midwife know what you need- ie if you're more comfortable standing up etc, and be honest with your birthing partner as to what you need as well; from snacks to holding a wet flannel to your face.

Good luck, even though mine was a bit hairy in the end it wouldn't put me off having another and going through it again (although I only want one).

AllBellsNoWhistles · 23/08/2019 13:40

There is no pain scale OP. Each Labour is different, as is each woman's pain threshold.
When I had my first, although yes, it was very painful, I got through it with gas, air and pethedine ( and a bit of verbal ) straightforward birth, couple of stitches.
When I had my second I thought I wouldn't survive the pain. I biffed my husband and called him every name under the Sun,and more besides.
I'm sure you could hear me screaming in the next town and I begged for an epidural, which fortunately was given. I biffed the anaethetist (sp?) Who came to do it too. Again, straightforward birth, couple of stitches.

( why did no one tell me about after pains with subsequent births after the first ?? 😠 )

So yes, every birth and every woman is different.

Good luck.

Yogurtcoveredricecake · 23/08/2019 13:41

It's called labour for a reason.

On the plus side you do get drugs so that's good. Lovely lovely drugs.

Cyclemad222 · 23/08/2019 13:41

If a girl who hadn't started her periods asked you what they are like, what would you say?

It'll probably be fine. For some women it's horrific. You don't have much choice either way. A bit of prep and research goes a long way so you understand what's going on.

But yes, you're being naive. Good luck!

grafittiartist · 23/08/2019 13:41

I remember a lovely lady telling me that it wasn't that bad- she had had 5. It was nice to hear after so many horror stories!
And actually- it wasn't that bad- for me. Both births were totally manageable.
It will be whatever it will be, but it probably helps more not to be terrified.
All the best.

willitbe · 23/08/2019 13:42

It's really bad at the time but hey it doesn't last long, then it is over. However the more relaxed you can be going into it, the better. So yes please don't listen to those of us that say it is bad, just keep an open mind and see what happens.

vickyq1983 · 23/08/2019 13:42

Also people saying it's okay because you get a rest between contractions... don't assume that. Mine were on top of each other continuously from about 4cm until I was fully dialated.

Rojelio · 23/08/2019 13:42

I'm pregnant with my second and thinking i'll be requesting a C section as my first was horrendous but my sister had two straight forward 'easy' in her words births and cannot understand anyone who says its horrid so you might get lucky!

TheSerenDipitY · 23/08/2019 13:43

fuck me are you in for a surprize
i watched my friend give birth, like 13 years ago and im still not over that shit, she jokes i have PTSD from just seeing it, that shit is NASTY!!!!!!!

peasando · 23/08/2019 13:44

Haven't RTFT but OP, as someone who had to have a c-section with my first and will shortly have to have one with number 2, I can assure you that 'just opting for a c-section' is not the easy way out. It's major abdominal surgery with all the risks associated with that, the pain is obviously different to labour but no less real, and the recovery time is much longer.

It INFURIATES me when people suggest a section is the easy option. Grow up.

3timeslucky · 23/08/2019 13:45

What an odd question (sorry OP). There's no single experience. I have three children and had three completely different experiences (only one of which I'd wish to repeat and that was the last one so I did repeat it even though they weren't in the "not that bad" category).

That women choose to have more than one child is not an indicator that labour "wasn't that bad". But there are definitely women who choose to have only one child based on their birth experience.

Good luck! Hope it is a doddle and you go on to have many more Grin

treehousethunderstorm · 23/08/2019 13:45

My C-Section recovery was absolute agony. 1 star, would not recommend. Not being able to drive for six weeks after was also not fun.

IrishMamaMia · 23/08/2019 13:45

I did end up having complications so won't comment on that part but up until that I didn't find the pain bad, it was more the relentlessness of the contractions at full dilation. Like running an endless marathon in the Sahara with a huge huge body.
Everyone experiences it differently though and pain killers are on hand if you want them.

TheDarkPassenger · 23/08/2019 13:45

Mine were super quick and I still found it fucking horrendous and I live with daily pain! I wouldn’t do it again now. Not for my life

dottiedodah · 23/08/2019 13:47

Of course Labour is painful and it would be a lie to say it isnt .However each persons experience is so different to another s .Have you got any pre natal groups you could join. NCT do some .Also if you have made a birth plan, feel free to change your mind ,and ask the midwives advice as well.Be positive this is a happy time for you and you will go home with a lovely present!.Take all offers of Pain relief up !

kikibo · 23/08/2019 13:48

My midwife who is retiring soon found my first labour with drip and no pain relief until 10 cm absolutely terrible. I ruined her holiday 😁 because she thought long and hard about how terribly she had misjudged the situation and told my ob's assistant how she had 'tortured' me. I kid you not. Once I was out of hospital I told her it wasn't that bad 😂 and I was pregnant again after 6 months.

With my second (no pain relief either as they don't give it in German MLUs), I had shoulder distocia and gave both my ob and my midwife almost a heart attack by their own admission. My ob's assistant said I can't do anything without drama.😂 When I heard my midwife was going on retirement and her MLU is closing on 1 April next year, I decided I wanted my third before this, so I was pregnant again after 3 months.

Before the second birth my midwife asked at least twice if I was afraid. I asked her whyever I would be afraid. She says I have a high pain threshold...

By far the weirdest thing was the sewing with my second, as it was only under local anaesthetic. It was like getting a rope pulled through 😲. Still, I had no pain at all afterwards and was playing on the floor with my eldest on day three.

I'd do that second birth again 20 times over (incl. the shoulder distocia). It's truly amazing what your body can do on its own.

As long as they don't come with that evil drip, it's really, really not that bad.

And definitely stay at least upright. I made that mistake the first time.

Ski4130 · 23/08/2019 13:48

It's not great, but it's worth it. I mean, it's pretty horrible, and it hurts like hell, but it is what it is, and you have to do it to have a baby. I've had three, one 16 hours back to back, one really quick hour long labour and one 8 hour mid length labour (epidural, gas and air and nothing repectively) and I still maintain that gallstones hurt more, at least I got a baby out the labours, I just a got a shitty sample jar full of stones that the surgeon thought i might like to see out the gallstones!

Cyclemad222 · 23/08/2019 13:48

As to anyone making out c section is necessarily easier... Confused I've had one CS and one vag birth. Found CS recovery harder.

Making out CS is an easy alternative adds to the sense of failure for people who attempt vag birth but need CS. It's bullshit

Owlypants · 23/08/2019 13:48

It can be horrific, at some point during labour it will probably feel like your bones are being crushed and your organs are being pulled out but it passes. You will then either turn in to a demon with superhuman strength and aggression levels that what scare the hulk and you won't care about the pain as you're far too busy screaming "you did this to me you bastard" at your terrified dp or you you will be so full of pain relief that you will hardly notice the pain and refuse to believe you are having contractions. Well that was me anyway

purplereindeer · 23/08/2019 13:49

I've had four DC. All births were super different.

DD1 - scary because she was premature, but labour itself was fine. Big for gestational age baby.

DD2 - a breeze. Six hours and a home birth. Tiny baby.

DD3 - quick and intense, but manageable. Three hours, home waterbirth. Massive baby.

DS1 - induction due to PROM. Fucking horrible for four hours, (but I had hyperstimulation and was contracting constantly) then I took the drugs and had an hour of lovely labour before he was born.

You simply can't predict what will happen or how well you will cope!

SavingUp · 23/08/2019 13:49

My labour was fine. No pain relief, water birth and out of the midwife unit the same day.

Greywalls12 · 23/08/2019 13:49

I mean, mine was really fucking painful but it wasn't horrific, and definitely worth it in the end!
Pushing was the worst bit for me, although I only pushed for 20mins, it was the most painful 20 mins, but i did do it without pain relief (not through choice, i just progressed really quickly). DH said it sounded like I was being murdered!
Actually to be honest, the absolute worst bit was DS wasn't breathing on arrival and he had to have 5mins of resuscitation breaths before he was breathing on his own. That was the longest moment of my life and far far worse than the pain i had experienced actually giving birth.
Good luck!

peasando · 23/08/2019 13:49

"Making out CS is an easy alternative adds to the sense of failure for people who attempt vag birth but need CS. It's bullshit"

Yes! This.