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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think labour can’t be THAT bad?

802 replies

Bumpingbumping · 23/08/2019 13:15

Potentially being extremely naive, and of course this is excluding exceptional circumstances/emergency situations.

But aibu to think labour can’t be as horrific as people make out? I’ll be giving birth in 10 days time following an induction and everybody keeps asking me if I’m terrified and telling me how awful it will be.

Surely if it was THAT bad people just wouldn’t do it? Or would opt for a c section?

Again, feel free to hit me with the facts because I’m possibly being naive. But does anyone have any nice birth stories? Particularly following an induction?

OP posts:

imtakingabath · 23/08/2019 19:47

“Expecting to get absolutely flamed for this comment, but everyone I know thats had a horrible/traumatic labour, did little to nothing to prepare for it”

What an idiotic statement. I did NCT, hypnobirthing, read every positive birth/hypnobirthing book I could lay my hands on, perineal massage, drank raspberry leaf tea for weeks etc.

Labour is often just luck of the draw - my waters broke early so had to be induced with drip, had one failed and then one successful epidural, was in labour for almost three days, then had to have forceps delivery because my little boy had his fist down next to his cheek. How exactly could I have “prepared” better for any of that?

Nonnymum · 23/08/2019 19:48

I can think of better ways to spend a few hours. But I would do it again and more for my children.
The bottom line is its what you have to do to have your children. I didn't have anything other than gas and air and yes it hurt. But it doesn't ladt forever and at the end of it you have your beautiful baby. You coukd also opt for an epidural to take the pain away.

iolaus · 23/08/2019 19:49

I'll be honest people who say (beforehand) they will be fine as they have a high pain threshold tend to find it much worse than they expect

Others who say they are normally a complete wuss seem to say afterwards it wasn't as bad as they thought it would be

I suspect in truth it's similar for both but the expectations were so far apart so if it's at a pain level of 7 for both of you, the person who was expecting it to be a 10 will cope better than someone who thought it was only going to be a 3

Ronnie27 · 23/08/2019 19:50

It sucks but you just have to get through it somehow. And you will. I remember being quite shocked by how well brutal a natural labour is. If men had to do it then a much more civilised way of doing things would have been invented by now, I’m sure of it. But in all seriousness, it’s one bad day and then you get your baby. Wishing you and your little one the best of luck and health for the birth.

Neverender · 23/08/2019 19:50

People don't remember pain. You'll be fine...

Mantra (mine) was, "If Kerry Catona can do this, so can I!"

SunshineCake · 23/08/2019 19:51

I had many complications which had long lasting effects but my one bit of advice is - do everything you can to avoid being induced.

Walk followed by curry and rhubarb and custard. Repeat as necessary.

RachelEllenR · 23/08/2019 19:52

Mine were far from textbook and weren't that bad. I chose an epidural with the very long one which helped. I'd happily do it again (one did end in an emergency but think that was worst for my husband watching than me).

GizzardChops · 23/08/2019 19:52

Based on my personal experience YANBU!

I've had two great births, using a TENS for pain relief. The first of which was an induction on the syntocin drip.

Yes it hurts(!) and it's messy, but it's also wonderful and empowering. The feeling when that baby arrives is the best ever.

I'm sad I won't get to do it a third time.

Stitches were worse than giving birth IME.

Notthetoothfairy · 23/08/2019 19:53

It really depends, some have horrible experiences and some are slightly less awful (but it’s never going to be fun). I highly recommend an epidural.

GizzardChops · 23/08/2019 19:54

P.S. would highly recommend hypnobirthing

titnomatani · 23/08/2019 19:58

But aibu to think labour can’t be as horrific as people make out? I

Lol. Not. This was me a year ago- I though my hypnobirthing/pregnancy yoga classes would see me through. How wrong I was. The pain is fcking horrendous. I was vomiting after every contraction and massively dehydrated and still only 2cm dilated after 9 hours. Loved the epidural- would buy it if it was available on the streets- but ended up having an EMC in the end. Prepare yourself for any eventuality @Bumpingbumping*. Hoping you have it easier than me- remember though: the main objective of any kind of birth is to have a healthy mum and baby at the end of it all. Don't beat yourself up if it doesn't go your way.

titnomatani · 23/08/2019 19:59

Ps. Im expecting again. Not because I've forgotten what the birth was like but because it's all so worth it.

Crotchgoblins · 23/08/2019 20:00

@iolaus totally agree expectations of pain. My friend insisted she had a very high pain thresehold and wanted a totally naturally birth was shocked at how painful it was. Use the drugs and other stuff available.

It really is the luck of the draw how it goes, be open minded.

Hmmmbop · 23/08/2019 20:02

Surely if it was THAT bad people just wouldn’t do it? Or would opt for a c section?

It was that bad. Absolutely horrific. Worst day of my life so far, would take a lot to get worse to be honest. Absolutely not having anymore.

Had a surprise second pregnancy, considered termination but didn't. Opted for C section. Glad I did, was wonderful.

So yes, it is that bad, no you don't forget it. It's not always worth it.

IABUQueen · 23/08/2019 20:03

the worst pain I will ever experience to the point of delirium

Omg that’s the description I’m looking for!!! I genuinely reached a stage where my mind became disconnected form the rest of the world because I just felt I submitted to death and couldn’t any longer be bothered to hold on to dear life and let my body experience hell because I could no longer have the energy to save it..

Was the weirdest feeling ever... I no longer could hear the midwife talking.. I wasn’t aware of what was being said or done to me... it felt like I was in a coma, I couldn’t hear properly or think properly.

My brain was just disconnected...

That was at the last half an hour before pushing.. and that’s when I dilated suddenly so quickly because I just let it be.

But it’s the stage when I felt completely surrdered to death and it’s the state that I remember the most.

It’s becsuse they told me there was no hope of epidural and that I still had 10 hours to go... which to someone in transition felt worse than the death sentence.

So yes I physically went into delirium.. it wasn’t a conscious hypnobirthing thing. It was almost the “I fell unconscious” from amount of pain thing. But I couldn’t be unconscious because the pain was there... just my motor neurone couldn’t handle it anymore and shut down.. only I wish my pain nerves shut down too but they didn’t..

That was the mental state I was in when I suddenly heard my mum shouting and repeating - because I couldn’t hear,.. she said your baby is coming out keep pushing .. I had dilated in 20 mins..

I think that’s when my mental state went back to an exhausted woman who was at least able to push. But I was still somewhat disconnected like a zombie..

When they gave me the baby I was still in a mental state I had to beg my husband to take him.. but staring st him long enough and seeing how much he cried to be with me and how relaxed he was on my chest actually slowly woke me up from that state...

The midwife was angry because she kept giving me instructions about how to feed but I was genuinely not alert.. I couldn’t hear her..

The only thing I could hear and see was the baby and that was taking energy..

I told my husband I felt like I wasn’t on drugs, I was high and disconnected but not from pain killers from genuinely shutting down.

I think our body has a pain threshold .. and if it exceeds this by miles it goes into shut down..

And that’s me who has a high pain threshold . So I’m quite tolerant.

But if you were going to get iv drip I would say get epidural.. if I was induced again by drip I would.. unless you are ready to talk yourself into facing death and you like challenges... and I can assure you if you survive it you will feel good when baby comes. For me that’s my motivation, the baby and euphoria

gilliansgardenbench · 23/08/2019 20:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maryberryslayers · 23/08/2019 20:04

It's as bad as each individual woman tells you it was, every labour is different.

Mine was fucking horrific. Induction, left in agony without pain relief overnight, baby's heart rate plummeted, episiotomy, emergency forceps, severely injured my back.... but he's almost 1 and the best thing in my life.

TTC number 2 in 12 months, having a C section!

gilliansgardenbench · 23/08/2019 20:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IABUQueen · 23/08/2019 20:08

KETO keep its, its a breath of fresh air haha

Celebelly · 23/08/2019 20:09

Apologies didn't RTFT. Have requested deletion. Sorry.

This genuinely made me laugh

missanony · 23/08/2019 20:10

I’ve had 2 babies. One very quick labour and delivery which was a lot less painful than I was anticipating but did result in a third degree tear (didn’t know til they told me) so had to be separated from my baby to get patched up in surgery.

Second one was an elcs which was amazing. I would take that option every time, especially as my recovery luckily went so well.

The reality is that every labour, delivery and recovery is different. I think it helps if you can devote some time to yourself afterwards to keep clean and help everything heal.

Good luck!

Hmmmbop · 23/08/2019 20:13

Yes! This is exactly how I felt.

Rezie · 23/08/2019 20:14

I haven't had children but my friend just did and she said it's not that bad. Her image was that it will be the worst pain in the world and she would basically wish she would die and he embody would be ruined and there would be tons of blood and stitches. She was imagining to an absolutely utterly horrible and it turned out to less bad for her.

So i would say that it might not be that bad. Depends on your image and everyone has a different experience. Could be bad and could be ok.

sewinginscotland · 23/08/2019 20:16

I was like this, in happy denial that billions of women had done it so I could do it too. And my birth was fine! When I tell people about it, they say 'oh, that must have been traumatic', but it was fine!

It's all about your mindset, we need more positivity around birth in general. You go, girl.

CoolWivesClub2019 · 23/08/2019 20:18

But it’s the stage when I felt completely surrdered to death and it’s the state that I remember the most

I remember getting to the stage with ds1 that I literally didn’t care anymore and I remember that vividly...it was like I was a different person and every feeling of hope, love, maternal or protective instinct was gone.

I didn’t care if I died. I didn’t care if the baby died. I would have agreed to a termination there and then or to someone removing my womb with a rusty stick...anything to just make it stop.

It still doesn’t stop you having more because you ‘forget’ the pain and you’re just left with the memory of the pain which you justify, explain away etc.

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