I think I might be Unreasonable.

[OpenYourEyes]

Dp and I are off work renovating a house to move into together. He has been staying at mine for the past month or so until we move.

Each night after working on the house I have gone home and started dinner and he has called into the pub for a pint. He is far more sociable than I am and I have two teens at home so don't want to prolong being out of the house.

Tonight he said he was going for a pint at 4.30. 7pm he text again saying he woukd be home shortly. Then finally rocked up at 10 30

I am really annoyed with him, I think it is rude when you are living with someone to not let them know you are going out for the evening and won't be home for dinner as usual.

But the more I think about it, the more I think I am being Unreasonable and controlling. He is an adult and doesn't have to report on to me.

But I wouldn't dream of going out for the evening without letting him know when he could roughly expect me home. It's just courteous.

So please help me decide once and for all, am I being Unreasonable to expect to know if he is home for dinner or not?

YABU - he is a grown up and can do as he pleases.

YANBU - It is respectful to share breifly if you will be home or not.

He definitely needs to communicate about having dinner together if you are expecting to cook for him and eat together. Not to do this is inconsiderate and rude.

Op, you are well rid. If he behaves like this before you’ve even moved in together then it won’t get better. In fact, this is the time you’d expect best behaviour, so it will only get worse. I’d finish it now.

And thank goodness he doesn’t have a claim on your and your childrens’ home.

openyoureyes Open your bloody eyes, you both work your arses off renovating a house all day and you come home and cook dinner whilst he goes to the pub ! You have now told him it is your job to cook clean and do it all whilst he goes out drinking.

The support and almost unanimous vote is really helping me to stay strong.

We have rowed a lot yesterday, he doesn't see the problem. He says this is just me it's how I am. I don't want to be with someone who wants to be in the pub all the time. He was still up drinking until 8am this morning from yesterday. That's not the kind of lifestyle I want.

This is the second thread I’ve read today where a strong woman has got rid of a man who was nowhere near good enough for her. Good for you! Don’t settle

It's the lack of consideration for your feelings isn't it. You do seem basically incompatible and carrying it on seems like a recipe for problems in the future. If he's refusing to compromise now it would only get worse. I think you are doing the right thing.

He is right about one thing: this is him.

I'm glad you are seeing that you don't want what he's offering. I am also cheered to see you not trying to change his personality to suit you. Good job he was quite open about all this before you moved in together.

Good luck.

24 hrs in the pub???

The only time I saw this was a group of lads in the village pub.

No , sorry that was 12 hours.
8 pm till 8 am - which is still not excessive.

I see a long , hard road a head for him.

He's told you he's not interested in changing his behaviour. Is this the kind of life partner you are looking for?
You deserve better OP.