To think that having a traumatic birth experience makes the idea of having a second pretty terrifying?

[OoohMasala]

Not even close to having a second. In single! But had a horrific first experience and am terrified to ever have any more kids. I may not ever have any more but if I did, I think I would be really scared. Anyone else similar?

Yup! I had a long induction, far from everything I wanted and ended in emergency section.
My LB is 4mo so I’m far from having anymore but I’m going to do birth reflections to nip anxieties in the bud ASAP xx

I had a horrible first birth and got pregnant again very quickly which wasn't the plan! You're right, I was really scared and had nightmares. I had the option of c-section for the second because of the trauma but didn't go for it. Very glad I didn't as the second birth was so easy in comparison.

I had a horrible first and second birth but still had two more children! Probably not the right person to ask but no, it amazingly didn’t deter me.

Yes me! Horrific pregnancy with hyperemesis then pre eclampsia and emergency section. My baby was a determined bottle refuser, dummy refuser and breast fed until 2.5 years. She's the loveliest little thing and I would love a sibling for her. However can't seem to overcome the anxiety and the trauma of the pregnancy and early years.

I'm the opposite, everything went wrong with baby no.1. So I was sure everything would be fine with baby no.2.

A sorta lightning doesn't strike twice feeling. I'm not sure about a third though. I feel like it might be tempting fate.

Absolutely. I was completely traumatised first time round due to the completely unbearable pain and time in active birth followed by a massive episiotomy and shit after care. My husband was almost as traumatised as me watching me suffer.
It took years to deal with it, including counselling and medication.
My second was equally traumatic but for wholly different reasons. The pregnancy was very emotive ( high risk of Downs) followed by a really quick induction (2hours) resulting in a pain relief free delivery and much euphoria. Then rapidly deteriorating with an uncontrollable post partum haemorrhage and 5 days in intensive care!

It is a very valid fear and shouldn't be dismissed. I was traumatised by my first birth but really wanted more babies. My second birth was dreadfully painful but nowhere near as scary. I was terrified the third time around. My fears were dismissed as the midwife said my 'normal' second birth was 'a healing experience'. No it bloody wasn't! It was something I never wanted to go through again. My third birth was the worst. Stuff of nightmares. I will never put myself through it again. I hate childbirth and it shouldn't be belittled. For some of us it is truly awful!
All I can say is, maybe consider a c-section? And certainly plan for pain relief.

Yes. It's why we stopped at one. He's 7.5yo, no regrets. We got a dog

I had a bad induction ending in EMCS with baby 1 which I found very traumatic. I was mentally a bit unwell for a fairly long time and at the time I decided to have a smallish age gap because I was so traumatised and wanted baby 2 over with. And I knew the smaller the age gap the easier it would be to get an ELCS without a battle. At the time, in my completely terrified mind, this all made perfect sense. So my kids had just under 2 years between them.
It’s funny because when I see/hear people comment on others ‘oh you had a second/third child; it couldn’t have been that bad’ I get quite angry. Because it isn’t that simple.
But yes a traumatic birth can completely put someone off having another child, absolutely. My brain got a bit fucked up and went the other way 😂

Yup. I did a hypnobirthing class for the second. There used to getting the traumatised second timers.

It was amazing, and second birth a completely different experience. It went great.

Do get some help to deal with it. The decide. Also, it does get easier with tome too .

Terrible 1st birth. 22 hours of horrific pain and complications. Second birth was 8 hours. Text book- straight forward. Still awful pain but not to the point where I wanted to die, like the first. Third birth was bizarrely 20 hours and an emergency csec! Typically the second birth is more straightforward than the 1st.

My first was pretty horrifying, took me a long time to get over but well worth it, my second I absolutely dreaded, I wanted a C section which was denied, so asked for epidural, again denied, thankfully none of that was needed, I went to the hospital about 4 am, delivered at 7, discharged and out shopping by dinner time,

People are so quick to dismiss this issue. A woman I know professionally recently told me about her first birth (she told me she'd bit her lip from sharing anything while I was pregnant) ... She has a second but the first went very, very, very wrong to the point she was diagnosed with PTSD and was referred for counseling, at a PTSD trauma therapy group weekly, was put on medication for obsessive behaviour (including not being able to kiss her partner because it might lead him to want to resume sex, and she couldn't face another pregnancy). It included a failed natural delivery, emergency section where the numbing didn't work on one side (she felt it, basically), THEN her aftercare was badly botched.. honestly, I'd assumed she only wanted 1 for years, but it was so bad her second arrived 19 years later, much wanted but essentially under a mental health managed plan from a consultant that specialises / researches in maternal phobias of some sort.

I was so fucking glad she told me after I delivered!!!

I'm quite sure if I'd had a terribly traumatic first birth, I would definitely not have another. (In brackets because this is an aside, I don't want to make thread about me. As it happens I had an easy time but still only had one child, however it wasn't because I was afraid, more that other issues intervened.)

Some of the stories I've heard are awful. However I do know people who had a dreadful labour and birth experience but, second time around, it was easier, also the medics involved did everything possible to make it so.

it's entirely up to you - don't forget that - and you are certainly not unreasonable.

First birth was terrible. Baby had shoulder dystocia and I haemorrhaged resulting in a very near blood transfusion.

Second birth was the complete opposite. Nice and relaxed.

My first experience was only awful because the midwives completely dismissed me. I told them I was in labour. They rolled their eyes and told me I wouldnt be more than a couple of cm dilated. Refused me an examination. Refused me pain relief. Baby was born 10 minutes later. I didn't even make it to the labour suite. I gave birth in a bay with poor other women in labour listening. I was made to walk when I likely would've been 8cm dilated at least. Told I had at least 5/6 hours left (again, based in baby arriving shortly after I wouldve been 8ish cm dilated. Imagine being told you had 5/6 hours left and that the pain is going to double in intensity at the pain level of 8 cm dilated!). I was terrified. And then baby was born totally flat. Had to be intubated. It was horrible.

First was terrible as he arrived far, far too early. I hadn't even started thinking about the birth and I didn't want him coming out yet.
My body was tense and my mind was just saying no, no... hence a very long, very awkward and painful labour.
Yes it's so far put me off having another.

I completely understand OP. I had a terribly traumatic first birth and I've never truly come to terms with it. Due to what happened first time round I was offered a cesarean for my second. Very glad I did as it was a happy and peaceful experience - unlike the first! Whenever (or if) you have another, you'll be fine x

Yes I had an awful first birth. First and only I should say. Couldn’t bring myself to do it again.

Birth trauma and PTSD are now much more widely acknowledged than in the past and can be treated.
No one can take away what happened but there are techniques that can help to you to process what has gone on. There is no need to suffer alone, please do reach out for help. The Birth Trauma Association is a good place to start.

Gosh, these stories are always so personal, aren't they?

You just don't know, do you? It's natural to look for scape-goats, 'They said' etc. I think, by everything I read that British women aren't well prepared for birth; given that the pain appears to come as a surprise.

However, I readily admit my birth experiences, tho neither a stroll in the park (and I wasn't heroic😂) occurred in Oz with private provision. But the births were both rather chaotic, especially no 2!

What centred me was a phrase in one of those 'What to expect when you're expecting' (US) books- at the end, healthily baby outside you, plus healthy mum = result.

I had a horrible experience the first time.
I waited 23years later to have Dd2 😂😂

I had a difficult, prolonged and complicated first birth - my son wasn't breathing and I was unconscious. However I think it had more of an effect on my husband than me. He said he had never felt so useless in a room full of people who were focussed on saving either me or my son.

When I became (unexpectedly) pregnant with my 2nd, I strangely didn't feel scared at all, but I did say to my husband that he didn't need to be there for the birth, as I knew the 1st had really affected him. He was adamant he would be there though and my daughter's birth was so different - as good as giving birth gets!

Traumatised with first... long emotional/physical recovery and was very scared about second birth...but also told myself that second/subsequent births would be much easier... and they WERE - much much easier labours/deliveries and recovery times (all 3 were inductions so all began the same way)