To think that having a traumatic birth experience makes the idea of having a second pretty terrifying?

[OoohMasala]

Not even close to having a second. In single! But had a horrific first experience and am terrified to ever have any more kids. I may not ever have any more but if I did, I think I would be really scared. Anyone else similar?

What centred me was a phrase in one of those 'What to expect when you're expecting' (US) books- at the end, healthily baby outside you, plus healthy mum = result.

If mum is left traumatised by her experience than the ‘healthy mum’ goal has not been met

First birth the EMCS operating team initially thought baby hadn’t made it. Baby in intensive care and I lost 1.5 litres of blood.

Second birth baby was fine but I lost 3L of blood and at one point post birth was told the doctors were worried my organs would fail.

Got told after second birth not to have any more as I likely wouldn’t survive it. Fine by me.

Problems were due to lack of progression plus medical negligence in the case of baby number 1.

@CloudyVanilla I don't know, but that's the experience I had, too. The physical trauma I had (ventouse; episiotomy; forceps; haemorrhage) is nothing to how I feel about being so roundly dismissed when my contractions were three minutes apart - the midwife on the phone told me not to come in and I had to make a big fuss to get her to concede. Turned out I was fully dilated. I feel like I just can't really rely on the midwives at our MLU, certainly, to bother about me and I'm finding that hard to get over when I consider having another baby.

Horrific first (and only) birth.

Induction, waters broken artificially, catheter, epidural, ventouse, stitches. Couldn't walk properly for weeks and wouldn't let husband near me for nearly 8 months (and then reluctant!).

All normal for hundreds of thousands of women but it was such Hell on earth that I vowed from the second I had my son that I'd never, ever put myself through that shite again. Plus horrendous PND which gripped me for two years.

I therefore didn't have anymore! I'm now 44 years old and have a 9 year old that I'm happy with.

I am clearly a weak woman and I take my hat off to all of you who had more than one!!! 😊

I had a long, erratic labour and couldn’t progress beyond 8cm, despite strong contractions. I had an emergency c-section and the recovery wasn’t too bad, although I struggled with breast-feeding.

For a while, I thought I couldn’t bear to do all that again, but the memories do fade. I would like one more child, but only if I could definitely have another c-section, and if that was considered a safe option for the baby. Weirdly, I’m now terrified of giving birth vaginally and I never, ever want to do it.

I had a similar experience to PPs unfortunately. Induced with the pessary and told after it was inserted that nothing was likely to happen as most people needed another one after 12 hours. I was 😳 but too late to do anything. Contractions started a few hours later and I was given a couple of paracetamol and told to go for a coffee to calm down. My consultant finally came round and checked me, told me I was 4cm and needed to relax, all the while I’m telling him I need to push. The midwife “assures” me I’m not in labour. I gave birth 20 minutes later.

What annoys me most about it is I was told all through my pregnancy I was high risk due to having slightly higher BP and needed to give birth in hospital with doctors present and yet when it came down to it I was totally ignored. My baby was halfway delivered when a doctor showed up, my partner was the one who was scrambling round cupboards etc getting what was needed. I was lucky we were both ok after birth but I dread to think what could’ve happened.

Following with interest

I’m pregnant with number 2 and close to delivery and haven’t packed my hospital bag because I’m still in denial

You’re absolutely right. A birth that doesn’t go to plan can be genuinely legitimately traumatic, and cause flashbacks and other obvious signs of PTSD. Putting yourself in this situation again can seem impossible.

I work for my local maternity service and they are doing things already to try and help women in this situation - birth afterthoughts and REWIND mainly.

I’ve been pushing for a pre-conception clinic as I speak to too many women who don’t feel able to TTC without discussing what their options would be for their next birth. Some women want to know if they’ll be able to have a section, some want to know if they could go to a midwife led unit or try a VBAC. Not knowing these things is a factor in not having more children for far too many women.

I’m so surprised at the amount of ladies in here who experienced exactly the same..

Incompetent midwife telling me I was dramatic and had 10 hrs left and would be sent home at this stage, never believed I was pushing and kept telling me if you aren’t able to relax and be quiet you need epidural...

I gave birth in 20 mins and my husband was the one that pressured the midwife to finally accept the baby’s head was almost out.

I lost great deal of trust.

I’ve been pushing for a pre-conception clinic as I speak to too many women who don’t feel able to TTC without discussing what their options would be for their next birth.

Our trust lets the GPs refer to the Obstetricians pre conception to discuss mode of birth following traumatic ones. As far as I know, that's working fairly well.

Same here. Blood transfusions and massive tears so never ever again. Childbirth is the closest to death a lot of us have ever gotten and it utterly traumatized me. I begged for pain relief and was denied over and over. Jealous of anyone who could do it more than once

www.amazon.co.uk/Birth-Crisis-Sheila-Kitzinger/dp/0415372666/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?s=gateway&keywords=birth+trauma+sheila&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1566488002&sr=8-3

This is the book that enabled me to have another baby. Incredibly, I got to speak to the author by phone as she gives her time for free! Extraordinary woman.

Yes! My induction lasted 8am friday to 3.40am sun and it was the scariest experience of my life so far tbh.That was 5.5 years ago and I am not having anymore.Im 40 in april anyway and I feel done with one.I adore my ds but would never put myself through that again.

Childbirth is the closest to death a lot of us have ever gotten and it utterly traumatized me.

Yes, this. I was I surprised by nothing much about having children, thanks to reading mumsnet and researching. But had no clue about how ‘life and death’ birth could be/was likely to be.

My first was horrific, I’m pretty sure I had mild PTSD or something close to it for years after. I couldn’t go near/past the hospital for the longest time. Second one I was terrified, I changed to a fancy but still NHS hospital in a different borough, and insisted on elective caesarian. I went into labour before I was due to go in, and they were prepping me for c-section and I just suddenly realised I was ok and nothing was going wrong so went through with vaginal delivery. All was wonderful.

You can insist on using a different borough’s/maybe county’s hospital as far as I’m aware from looking into it at the time. The GP wasn’t happy and tried to talk me into staying within our PCT but I wasn’t having it and they let me go across to another. It was like a different world! The level of care and environment was like a private hospital. The lack of disorder and calm thoroughness throughout my pregnancy put me very much at ease. The one I had my first in was like a cattle market.

Yes I had a horrendous first experience. 4 years after I had to have an op to repair everything which meant I couldn’t give birth vaginally again. The only reason we had two more was because I could have ELCS otherwise we’d only have one. My son is an adult now and I still feel anxious whenever I think about it.

Childbirth is the closest to death a lot of us have ever gotten and it utterly traumatized me.

Yes this too. I had so much faith in my NCT-style learning up until birth. It’s the most natural thing in the world. It’s normal. Breathe through the pain. Massage your effing perineum. I did all of that and my birth was going horrifically wrong even whilst I was still thinking it will surely be fine because I’ve done all the work and I’m not freaking out! I’ll be fine! I wasn’t fine, we both nearly died and had zero aftercare. The thoughts that you’re having as it’s all going wrong are something that stays with you forever, it’s like a sad and dormant sickness for me now. I’ve never been scared of death before, was very much of ‘when your time comes, your time comes’ school of thought. Being that vulnerable though, and fearing for your baby, is like terror, humiliation, and confusion all rolled into one. I think because of how momentous the occasion is, plus all the rushing hormones, it sort of imprints into you.

Yanbu, for two years pp I bored everyone we had dinner with, with a detailed account of placenta fragmentation, manual retrieval, continuing haemorrhage they couldn’t get to stop etc. But dc2’s birth went smoothly and dc1’s birth has receded and receded in my mind.

Very traumatic and I have a disabled child as a result, but I also have a gorgeous no. 2 who was extremely closely monitored and ECS

Yes, completely normal first experience. Happily went into the next pregnancy and had a 31weeker who had stopped moving and needed to be delivered and resuscitated. 2 years on and I'm having PTSD counselling and will never risk that happening again so no more babies for me

I was petrified of giving birth during my second pregnancy as my first was horrendous. I’m pleased to say that my second was absolutely fine, I only had gas and air, it was completely manageable and very different from the first

Why is it so common to have midwives dismiss what the actual labouring woman is going through and insisting to them that they aren’t in labour or aren’t as far along as they think? because of the patriarchy. Because our words arent valued. Because our bodies arent valued. Because we arent valued.

Yep. I was so calm leading up to the birth but had a precipitous labour. Everyone thinks quick labours are easier but my body went into shock, had no time for pain relief, haemorrhaged, cracked my tailbone and then had a second degree tear.
Worth it but am absolutely petrified of ever going through it again!

I had a horrific birth, pre eclampsia, failed induction after over 2 days in labour, emcs, ending up in high dependency with HELLP & nearly dying. On the day I discharged myself from hospital the midwife came round to give me the contraception talk & advised me to not get pregnant for at least a year. I told her the only way I would be coming back would be to be sterilised. I did get pregnant twice afterwards but miscarried both of them. I'm convinced it was my body protecting me from going through such a horrific time again. I have never regretted it. I still have nightmares & flashbacks about ds birth 15 years on.

I had a horrific first birth and with my second baby, I opted for a c-section. Not everyone's choice but was definitely the right one for me.