To think that having a traumatic birth experience makes the idea of having a second pretty terrifying?

[OoohMasala]

Not even close to having a second. In single! But had a horrific first experience and am terrified to ever have any more kids. I may not ever have any more but if I did, I think I would be really scared. Anyone else similar?

I wouldn’t say I had a horrific birth but I was 2 weeks overdue with my DD and had the start of pre eclampsia so was induced and the labour happened 12 hours after that. Another 12 hours later ( 2 1/2 hours in that for pushing time) she came out but I had an episiotomy to which got infected and “fell apart” as such. 2 operations later and I’m still recovering. DD is 7months. I’m definitely not even close to thinking about anymore or wanting anymore for that matter. To think I wanted 3/4 children when I was younger I hope it’s true when they say you forget about the pain

My first was an induction ending in EMCS due to baby wedged in my pelvis and in distress. She had to be resuscitated and that was the most awful couple of minutes of my life.

Second baby I had an ELCS and it was so much less traumatic. I was terrified about having another birth like baby 1.

Similar with my first except it was the consultants. Head consultant felt baby “looked” too small at 20 weeks (sonographer didn’t see an issue) so needed an amino because she thought there was a likely chance of a chromosomal defect. I urged my husband to get a second opinion, a fetal specialist said ridiculous and highly unnecessary. Month later (24 weeks) baby was too big and she planned to induce at 36 wks! Spent my entire pregnancy being told by sonographers that baby looked good and didn’t see any issues and consultants saying too big. They took over from my community midwife without consent nor was I told I had a choice and could have changed consultants if I didn’t like my care. 36 weeks comes along, I decline. Cue the outdated information on stillbirths and the extra monitoring (Doppler) which showed baby was fine. Endure appts of them coercing us saying we were killing our baby. Induced at 39, 3 days of labour, 3 cm, registrar on a power trip verbally assaulted my husband (he kept his cool and escorted her out and everyone else but one midwife and she was pushed to resign not very long later), emcs, baby not breathing (didn’t find that out until birth reflections!), and he was a whopping 6lbs 14 oz. Traumatised and left alone because he was born at 1 am and my husband couldn’t stay. Husband also traumatised (still gets angry when it is brought up, son is 4) and he didn’t want to have another child afterwards. I wasn’t going to let the experience stop me and brought him around.

I readied myself for battle (current research) jic and went straight to the consultant midwife who ended up being the new head of midwifery. I told her what happened with my last and we made a plan. She even mentioned that I should have been referred to her during my first (another check against the consultants). I only had to change a consultant once and the ones I did have were happy to make compromises with me. I had lovely community midwives who were of great support. I did have CBT towards the end (didn’t finish til after baby was born) and some holistic treatments to help me come to terms with the trauma I endured. I had a peaceful, relaxed vbac and it significantly helped me heal from the first.

Knowing I had choices and that people actually listened and cared made all the difference. I don’t get why that can’t be across the board.

Every child and every birth is different. Some leave physical, emotional and psychological scars. How big the scar is different for everyone. Some have healing subsequent births and other births make everything worse. But one thing is for sure, it is not the babies fault and some people risk further injuries to get more children. The end product is worth the pain.

But one thing is for sure, it is not the babies fault and some people risk further injuries to get more children. The end product is worth the pain.

where has anyone said it is the babies fault?
If the end product was worth the pain there would be many less only kids. But many of are one and done BY CHOICE cos the pain, trauma and in some cases abuse is not worth it

I would do the birth but all over again. Found that the easy part. The birth part where I was housebound and the 15 years of medical problems after meant I would never have another one.

Same as BackOffKaren. Awful births. Last one was a planned c-section which was done at my request.

Yes it's major surgery etc. But it was amazing, positive and there was no panic and no one nearly died. I honestly wish I'd had c-sections for all of them.

I had a terrible second birth, I was telling the midwife that I was sure he was stuck (DS1 was forceps birth) to be told that I was talking rubbish and it was fine. I asked for an epidural and DH told me I didn't need it, I was doing fine.
DS2 was stuck, I did need the epidural and he ended up forceps as well, came out with an apgar score of 2, superman style as they had to rotate his shoulder and thought they had broken it. He also had a pneumothorax and had to stay in an incubator for two days. He is scarred and I still have the memory of the midwife pulling at him trying to get him out.
So yeah, I'm having no more, even though they told me next time I'd be an automatic section.

I was told that next

Yep first was awful. Nearly died.

Got a section for number 2. It was amazing. Well as amazing as getting a tiny human cut out of you can be.

If DC2 had been my first then it would be never again. 90 hours back to back and a 24 hour induction that ended in me refusing consent for rotational forceps and a brutal EMCS. I still have flashbacks and DH has lasting issues too. It took me 6 months to bond with my baby.

DC1 wasn’t plain sailing and still ended up in SCBU after an EMCS but the way it was handled by the hospital made all the difference. After the first time I agreed to try a VBAC on the grounds I would be offered a ‘low threshold EMCS’ if anything didnt go smoothly... but when it came down to it the care was lousy - was sent home 3 times... started contracting on the Wednesday and DC2 was dragged out on the Sunday.

@squeekums of course it is not the babies fault but that is something I personally used to repeat to my self after terrible births. Otherwise, thoughts off why was baby not in optimal position to give birth in, comes to mind. Blaming the baby position can sometimes be mixed up with blaming ones body and baby. When in reality it is just luck. Repeating that can help ground me down.

C-sections have there own risks, it is not 100% risk free. Read up on them and make an informed decision.

@Number3or4 ahh ok that makes more sense, my bad, sorry.

My first birth was extremely traumatic. 20hours of labour, pain dismissed and only given paracetamol, Midwife's didn't follow protocol, wasn't monitored properly & other negligence which would be outing if I described it on here - baby's heart rate started to drop but midwife blamed Doppler wouldn't believe it waited too long pissing about before contacting consultant who came in when was in baby in extreme distress - emergency csection ordered but delayed too long my perfect 7lbs4oz daughter died during my caesarean when I was under a general anaesthetic due to professional negligence - accepted by hospital during my investigation. My own csection was so rushed and performed by a junior doctor as oncall consultant taking too long so I had lots of complications and months of physio, fought hard for counselling only to be repeatedly offered medication and put on a waiting list for 11 months before I could access any.. by that time I was in the third trimester with baby no 2! Extremely difficult pregnancy emotionally despite having no real complications but due to being low risk first time too that wasn't much of a reassurance to me. Anyway baby number 2 arrived 14months later - different hospital, amazing consultant led care & planned csection, well semi planned because i went into labour early but whole experience was so much calmer and I had immediate skin to skin etc some problems with anaesthetic during section after he was born where they wanted to put me under but I was so traumatised by my first section I refused to go under general again. Anaesthetist handled it really well and managed it with other medication and gas and air for those last ten minutes when spinal wasn't working properly - all in all I do agree healthy mum healthy baby BUT let's just say dc3 is probably not on the cards anytime soon.

@somewhereovertherainbow18 I'm so sorry. Your story has really upset me. Your daughter is remembered and loved. Be strong

somewhereovertherainbow

I’m so very sorry, this must’ve been so hard to deal with. I’m quite traumatised just reading your story

Yes. I'm single like you anyway so I wouldn't have another one unless I met someone else but I am nervous about the idea. My son had a serious condition in utero which nearly killed him and it's common for siblings to have the same thing so I'm not sure I could cope with the anxiety, plus the birth itself was very traumatic. That said having had a traumatic section under GA makes me feel like I want a "do over" if that makes sense, I feel deprived of a "proper birth" so part of me wants that opportunity.

@somewhereovertherainbow18 I am so very sorry for your loss. What a dreadful set of events.

First was HORRIFIC.

Took me 15 years to have number 2. Got upset even after that length of time when talking to midwife.

Second birth was actually ok. Not exactly a barrel of laughs but considering another which I’d never have said after number one.

somewhereovertherainbow18

I’m so sorry, I have no words

My first birth was traumatic to me but I know it isn’t a traumatic birth as such.

I didn’t expect the contractions to hurt as much as they did.

I then had an out of body experience type of thing where I just couldn’t recognise anything around me.

All I could was focus on my labour and push even though the midwives kept telling me not to push I just couldn’t stop.

I tore pretty badly which meant I needed corrective surgery a lot further down the line.

However I did it all again