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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sharing a Holiday Home with In-laws

96 replies

Lemon27 · 20/08/2019 20:02

Just wondering what other people do in these situations.

Family member (cousin) of DH is getting married in a little seaside town. Due to location accommodation can be expensive but there’s not much to do there aside from the beach (weather permitting). We get on fantastically with the couple so really looking forward to the wedding.

Wedding venue is a hotel and it is pricey enough to stay but they do have deals for 2-3 night stays (would have to go for minimum 2 nights due to travel time).

My in laws (PIL, BIL & his wife and kids) have found some Air bnb house online that would sleep us all and is relatively close to wedding venue etc. It works out cheaper to stay there than for us to all separately stay in the hotel or other available accommodation. 6 adults and 3 DC.

I do get on with them all but as I get older and since the arrival of family DC I feel I have outgrown sharing on holidays. I feel like I can never fully relax when sharing so I want us to stay in the hotel. DH is all for sharing and keeps telling me how much help they’ll be to us and can babysit (which is untrue) so I’m really not bothered putting up with the sharing aspect when it’s no benefit to me.

If I/we say no to this house we are “forcing” them all to either pay more to split that house cost or to pay for the hotel (this is from DH). PIL are comfortable and BIL and SIL are too i imagine but I know they can be quite stingy (I think they are the ones pushing this accommodation so it’s cheaper for them).

I get on great with PIL and BIL/SIL but don’t want to spend 3/4 days in each other’s pockets!

AIBU to stick to my guns, pay more for the hotel but have time alone with my DH/family when I want it? DH is making me feel bad that I’ll be ‘the one making everyone pay more’ Hmm but I feel I’m just too old for sharing anymore and they can all sod off. I’m all for being a close family but it’s too close for me!

OP posts:
SockQueen · 20/08/2019 20:07

YANBU to not want to go on a proper holiday with them, but for a 2 night stay where you'll be spending most of the time at the wedding I think I'd just suck it up and stay all together. It'll save you all money and it's not really enough time to cause too many issues.

PurpleDaisies · 20/08/2019 20:08

It’s a couple of nights for a wedding. I think you’re being a bit awkward to be honest.

Disfordarkchocolate · 20/08/2019 20:08

You're not forcing anything, they can book a smaller house.

3LoudBoys · 20/08/2019 20:09

Just suck it up. It's only a couple of days and you can tick the box of spending time with his family.

Ambydex · 20/08/2019 20:11

Do the house, limit it to 2 nights if you are worried. You'll be out for a long day at the wedding and travelling on days 1 and 3, how bad can it be?! Do it for your DH.

HugoSpritz · 20/08/2019 20:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LemonAddict · 20/08/2019 20:13

I’d want to stay in the hotel too.

6 adults and 3 children all in one house, trying to get ready for a wedding - are there 3 bathrooms? Will you be faffing round with taxis to and from the venue?

Nah, I’d want to get up, have a leisurely hotel breakfast, not worry about doing the dishes, etc and get ready in my own room with my own bathroom.

Means you’ve also got a room to go back to throughout the day if you want/need to.

timshelthechoice · 20/08/2019 20:27

I don't do sharing bathrooms anymore for more than one night. Just no. I'd go for the hotel for any 3/4 nights and his guilt trip would be like water on a duck's back to me. Fuck that. I'd tell him he's free to go and stay with there, then, and I'll get a hotel to myself and get a wee breather (and I'd do it).

And personally, he's full of shit about the babysitting, it'll never happen when everyone's there for a wedding.

SandraOhshair · 20/08/2019 20:27

I'd need to understand the bedroom and bathroom set up first, as your likely to get shafted with the worst room and no en suite. I think I'd prefer a mini break at a hotel.

user1493413286 · 20/08/2019 20:30

Fair enough if it was a big holiday but it’s a couple of nights and your DH wants to so I think you’re being a bit unreasonable

HJWT · 20/08/2019 20:32

Id much rather pay MORE and have a nice few days in a hotel than pay LESS and have a shit few days with people under my feet self catering sharing a toilet etc 🤔

DustOffYourHighestHopes · 20/08/2019 20:33

Hotel 100%.

It is not relaxing with my in laws. It is not a holiday at all.

BertrandRussell · 20/08/2019 20:33

It’s 3 nights, ffs.

Bringonspring · 20/08/2019 20:33

I would suck it up as it allows my DH to spend proper time with his family.

AnotherEmma · 20/08/2019 20:34

YABU as it's just a few nights for the wedding.
If you were staying longer I would say YANBU.

FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 · 20/08/2019 20:36

I think if you get on well with them it seems a bit silly to potentially create bad feeling for the sake of a few days.

Alsohuman · 20/08/2019 20:36

Two days when you’ll barely be there? Suck it up and spend the money you save on champagne.

MindyStClaire · 20/08/2019 20:37

I would much prefer the hotel, but for the sake of a few nights I'd suck it up. As others have said, you'll have two days traveling (stop somewhere on the way down just your family?) and the day of the wedding you'd all be together anyway. You'll be delighted to head home, but it really will be fine, and it's a nice thing to do for your DH.

Annasgirl · 20/08/2019 20:37

Hotel. Life is too short to share with in laws - I say this as someone who has done it far too often.

HugoSpritz · 20/08/2019 20:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Athe · 20/08/2019 20:39

Eh, it’s only 2-3 nights. I get your reservations, but I’d concede. Gives you leverage for any suggestions of longer-term breaks

Leeds2 · 20/08/2019 20:40

I would much prefer to stay in the hotel. And would probably have booked it as soon as I received the invitation, so that it couldn't be argued with later!
However, in the circumstances you describe, I would probably stay with the in laws. Unless you can pull out, and they book a smaller house so that the cost to them will remain roughly the same.
How old are BIL's children? Just thinking that if they are very young, might be better for them to have a room in the hotel so that mum or dad could take them up to the room to have a rest/go to sleep if they become overly tired.

Planningoz · 20/08/2019 20:48

I'd probably suck it up as only a few nights and you'll be at the wedding for all of one day. I would set boundaries about timings though - ie you & DH will sort yourselves out as far as getting to and from wedding is concerned. You may need pre-agreement about the self catering aspect too - ie do you all sort your own breakfasts etc out including buying the cereal etc, having it when you want, clearing up your own dirty dishes - or will it be some kind of communal purse and required cooking and eating together which he or she who speaks loudest / strongest will control. Actually - the more I think about it the more I'm changing my mind and preferring the thought of the hotel........

Lockshunkugel · 20/08/2019 20:57

How many bathrooms does the house have?

MrsExpo · 20/08/2019 21:04

YABU. You’re not going on holiday. It’s a short trip to attend your cousin’s wedding. I think you are being difficult. Just go and make the best of it. You can go on a family holiday another time.