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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sharing a Holiday Home with In-laws

96 replies

Lemon27 · 20/08/2019 20:02

Just wondering what other people do in these situations.

Family member (cousin) of DH is getting married in a little seaside town. Due to location accommodation can be expensive but there’s not much to do there aside from the beach (weather permitting). We get on fantastically with the couple so really looking forward to the wedding.

Wedding venue is a hotel and it is pricey enough to stay but they do have deals for 2-3 night stays (would have to go for minimum 2 nights due to travel time).

My in laws (PIL, BIL & his wife and kids) have found some Air bnb house online that would sleep us all and is relatively close to wedding venue etc. It works out cheaper to stay there than for us to all separately stay in the hotel or other available accommodation. 6 adults and 3 DC.

I do get on with them all but as I get older and since the arrival of family DC I feel I have outgrown sharing on holidays. I feel like I can never fully relax when sharing so I want us to stay in the hotel. DH is all for sharing and keeps telling me how much help they’ll be to us and can babysit (which is untrue) so I’m really not bothered putting up with the sharing aspect when it’s no benefit to me.

If I/we say no to this house we are “forcing” them all to either pay more to split that house cost or to pay for the hotel (this is from DH). PIL are comfortable and BIL and SIL are too i imagine but I know they can be quite stingy (I think they are the ones pushing this accommodation so it’s cheaper for them).

I get on great with PIL and BIL/SIL but don’t want to spend 3/4 days in each other’s pockets!

AIBU to stick to my guns, pay more for the hotel but have time alone with my DH/family when I want it? DH is making me feel bad that I’ll be ‘the one making everyone pay more’ but I feel I’m just too old for sharing anymore and they can all sod off. I’m all for being a close family but it’s too close for me!

OP posts:

IfIShouldFallFromGraceWithGod · 21/08/2019 06:33

I'd stay at the hotel for the convenience of having a room on site and my own space

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 21/08/2019 06:34

Yabu.

Your dh wants to share with his family. How many opportunities are there to do that?

Don’t be awkward, and be enthusiastic when you’re there.

8by8 · 21/08/2019 06:35

Won’t they be a bit offended if you refuse to share with them? I would be. If you generally have good relationships then I’d suck it up.

Pretenditsaplan · 21/08/2019 07:03

One thing stood out to me. Youll want to take the baby back early for bed. How well will baby (or youl) sleep with everyone traipsing in late talking loudly as you always go a little deaf at these sorts of things. Other hyped up kids that cant settle. Its a recipe for disaster

yearinyearout · 21/08/2019 07:11

Can I just give you a word of warning about air bnb? They can cancel on you at any point. This happened to me the other week, and I vowed that if I was ever going somewhere for an important event with few options (e.g. a wedding in a small town) I wouldn't risk it. We had ours cancel our booking 48 hours before and had to scrabble around trying to find somewhere to stay that wasn't 10x the price because it was so late in the day.

FinallyHere · 21/08/2019 07:25

Usually I am all for sharing and bunking down and DH goes along with it

... on the condition that we have our own facilities en-suite. Nine people in a house with two bathrooms is a version of hell. Imagine how many times the loos will be occupied just when you want to use them.

Having the baby means that you really need a room in the hotel for the evening not one a taxi ride away.

Anyone putting you under pressure to accept what is really pretty inconvenient for you does not have your best interests at heart is expecting you to provide childcare for all the children and yes, who will organise meals for such a diverse group and do the cleaning at the end ?

I seriously hope that as soon as you have explained this to DH he gives up on the idea immediately and changes his tune from of course we will inconvenience ourself to save you a few bob to sorry that doesn't work for us. He really needs to realise that his role has changed from fitting in with his family to prioritising his wife and child, their comfort and safety.

Hope it goes well for you.

NoSquirrels · 21/08/2019 07:47

Won’t they be a bit offended if you refuse to share with them? I would be.

Why would you be offended if they explained their reasons - that the baby would need to be put to bed earlier, and so extra taxis etc back and forth would be inconvenient (car seat to store at the wedding as well, more stuff to lug around) and so on this particular occasion it makes sense with the baby to stay close in the hotel?

It’s not as if OP has never shared with the ILs, and the BIL/SIL have their own kids, they’ll remember the baby stage!

I’d be offended with you if you took my perfectly valid reasons and made it all about your feelings!

Beautiful3 · 21/08/2019 08:02

Get the hotel room.

AllBellsNoWhistles · 21/08/2019 08:43

I'd pack him and the kids off to the house with his parents, and book a hotel just for me 😁

Alsohuman · 21/08/2019 08:58

Of course you would @Allbellsnowhistles because money’s clearly no object to OP.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 21/08/2019 09:24

Hotel....far less stress!

Original poster

Lemon27 · 21/08/2019 09:29

True when thinking about the actual day of the wedding which is the whole reason we are going, it will be so much easier to just walk down to a hotel brekkie, get ready in the comfort of our hotel room and own bathroom and walk down the stairs. No stress. Especially then as people have said for during the day to go back to the room for naps/breaks and then popping to bed later.

I mentioned this to DH who did agree it was easier when we stayed in a hotel for my DSis wedding a few months ago and he ‘had’ the baby for the day. So he’s kinda softening a bit.

The original sharing suggestion came about as it was proposed as a week long stay (no way!!) so when we said we are only going the few days it morphed into sharing for that.

On an overall level i think the hotel works out better. And I didn’t even think of me getting stuck with the BiL babysitting that is exactly what would happen as ‘sure you’re heading back anyway’. No thanks!

The whole cleaning and effort of getting food for the air bnb also I’m not bothered with.

I’ve mentioned all the points people have raised (thank you!) to DH and he actually agreed with a lot, I think he is just being pressured on the other side to keep their costs down. I’ve told him given ill be having the baby the majority of the day that I really feel it’s least stressful to stay in the hotel so he’s going to say that to the DM when he sees her later.

Thanks so much everyone!

OP posts:

stardust40 · 21/08/2019 10:28

I'd definitely stay in he hotel with a baby! It gives you a place during the day to pop back to to be able to change/feed etc and you won't need to lug about everything with you. Equally at night easier for you to stay later and just slip off when you're ready. Lovely to have breakfast all together the morning after too x

IWentAwayIStayedAway · 21/08/2019 11:22

Hotel for me. Will be so handy. Your dh is very welcome to stay at house if he wants lol

BeanBag7 · 21/08/2019 11:42

I wouldn't be bothered about sharing as it's only 2 nights BUT if you have a baby it's loads easier to have a room in the hotel. You can take them backto the room for a sleep or an outfit change if they make a mess.

FinallyHere · 21/08/2019 11:59

Glad to read your update.

DH being convinced that it will work better for you and then saying he will 'speak to his mother' is a tad worrying.

Hope he means will tell her as a courtesy that we are going for the hotel rather than asking her. Stick to your guns, OP 😀

HollowTalk · 21/08/2019 17:37

Don't ruin a lovely wedding with an uncomfortable stay. Stick to your guns and book the hotel

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 21/08/2019 19:20

Hotel. I wouldn't have to think twice.

billy1966 · 21/08/2019 19:27

The comfort of the facilities of the hotel will add enormously to your enjoyment of this wedding, particularly with a baby.

Clearly no one is think of your comfort with a baby when it's all about them saving money.

I wouldn't think twice about it.

Hotel. End of.

Cherrysoup · 21/08/2019 19:38

otherwise you’ll be cooking/preparing food and dying for the toilet the whole time!

Nogoodusername · 21/08/2019 21:27

Would definitely be staying onsite in a hotel with a baby that I would need to leave early to put to bed

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