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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sharing a Holiday Home with In-laws

96 replies

Lemon27 · 20/08/2019 20:02

Just wondering what other people do in these situations.

Family member (cousin) of DH is getting married in a little seaside town. Due to location accommodation can be expensive but there’s not much to do there aside from the beach (weather permitting). We get on fantastically with the couple so really looking forward to the wedding.

Wedding venue is a hotel and it is pricey enough to stay but they do have deals for 2-3 night stays (would have to go for minimum 2 nights due to travel time).

My in laws (PIL, BIL & his wife and kids) have found some Air bnb house online that would sleep us all and is relatively close to wedding venue etc. It works out cheaper to stay there than for us to all separately stay in the hotel or other available accommodation. 6 adults and 3 DC.

I do get on with them all but as I get older and since the arrival of family DC I feel I have outgrown sharing on holidays. I feel like I can never fully relax when sharing so I want us to stay in the hotel. DH is all for sharing and keeps telling me how much help they’ll be to us and can babysit (which is untrue) so I’m really not bothered putting up with the sharing aspect when it’s no benefit to me.

If I/we say no to this house we are “forcing” them all to either pay more to split that house cost or to pay for the hotel (this is from DH). PIL are comfortable and BIL and SIL are too i imagine but I know they can be quite stingy (I think they are the ones pushing this accommodation so it’s cheaper for them).

I get on great with PIL and BIL/SIL but don’t want to spend 3/4 days in each other’s pockets!

AIBU to stick to my guns, pay more for the hotel but have time alone with my DH/family when I want it? DH is making me feel bad that I’ll be ‘the one making everyone pay more’ Hmm but I feel I’m just too old for sharing anymore and they can all sod off. I’m all for being a close family but it’s too close for me!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemon27 · 20/08/2019 21:08

Thanks for the replies. Nice to get different perspectives as always.

I know people are saying just suck it up and I know its nice for my DH but at the same time I know I won’t have a mini holiday if we are sharing, ill just be on edge and dying yo get home. I should mention it started out as a week long suggestion but we are definitely not doing that due to not much to do in the area.

I think I’m also a little scarred as have shared a lot with them and my family over the past few years for trips and now just crave my own space on hols. The sharing bathrooms also does my head in. Ill check but i think it’s a 5 bed 2 bathroom house (old house from what I remember of the pics so think it’s a ‘main’ bathroom then a smaller loo and shower room.

Did not consider the morning of the wedding getting ready actually Shock

The handiness of the hotel is hard to ignore though, as I will be the one putting our baby to bed later and leaving the party early given its a DH family event (he’s done the same for me at my family things) and I’m thinking its easier to just vanish upstairs than have to drive/taxi and coordinate with the others.

Sigh. Might just have to let this one go but I’ll try delay as long as possible committing and maybe the house will be booked by someone else and we’ll all end up in the hotel..... Grin

OP posts:
RealMermaid · 20/08/2019 21:12

How often does your DH get to spend quality time with his family like that? Honestly for the sake of a couple of nights I think it would be rude not to join them. Not only will it save you money, but weddings are supposed to be about families. I'm sure your in laws will love to spend the time with your kids - and realistically you'll be out all of one day at the wedding anyway so it's really not that much time!

We recently went to a family wedding and did just this - we had 7 adults and 3 kids in a big house. It was great fun and some really special memories. One of the families who were invited decided not to stay there - not only did it make it way more expensive for everyone else at the last minute but actually you could tell that the rest of the family were offended by it (DH's family so I am a neutral observer!) and took it quite personally.

Tonnerre · 20/08/2019 21:21

I feel I have outgrown sharing on holidays

But this isn't a holiday, really, is it? Essentially you're sharing the overnight accommodation you need for the purposes of the wedding - which is considerably different from a holiday.

Artesia · 20/08/2019 21:26

* You may need pre-agreement about the self catering aspect too - ie do you all sort your own breakfasts etc out including buying the cereal etc, having it when you want, clearing up your own dirty dishes - or will it be some kind of communal purse and required cooking and eating together*

Serious amount of over thinking - it’s breakfast, not world trade negotiations

Crazycrazylady · 20/08/2019 21:27

I think it would be a bit mean on your dh to say no. I'd do it for him. It's only a couple of nights.

BertrandRussell · 20/08/2019 21:29

It’s a family sharing a house for 3 days-not Brexit negotiations. Nobody is presumably going to go all bistromathics over a packet of cornflakes!

NoSauce · 20/08/2019 21:29

I can’t even imagine thinking about not doing this. You all get on. 🤷‍♀️

Gardai · 20/08/2019 21:31

Yanbu - I’m with you on this OP !

ZenNudist · 20/08/2019 21:35

I vote house. Going on holiday with in laws tomorrow

user1493494961 · 20/08/2019 21:36

It's not a holiday as such, the main event is the wedding. I'd share and put the money you save towards another break.

Kiwiinkits · 20/08/2019 21:36

Stay in the house. It buys you out of being talked into longer family holidays. And it might be fun.

AnotherEmma · 20/08/2019 21:40

Hmmm after reading your update I can see why hotel would be better, didn't realise the house was significantly further away from the wedding venue and that you will have to leave the wedding early (without the others) to put baby to bed. Plus only 2 bathrooms between everyone! Confused

timshelthechoice · 20/08/2019 21:44

2 bathrooms and 9 people? NFW. Nope. And you have to drive or taxi to the venue? Nope.

rookiemere · 20/08/2019 21:44

I was definitely thinking house, until you said about putting the baby to sleep which would be a lot easier to do in the hotel. However it's also your get out to leave early and have a relaxed evening on your own with baby.

I think you should go with the house share if you can cope - it's only for a couple of nights. Whatever you decide you need to communicate it in a timely fashion - it's a bit selfish to keep deferring in the hope the situation will go away.

European12345 · 20/08/2019 21:49

For me this is not a holiday but a weekend away where most of the time will be spent on the wedding.

Im precious about holidays but for me a holiday is not a weekend but a proper 1-2 weeks time.

Charles11 · 20/08/2019 21:56

In your situation I wouldn’t do the house. You’ll probably end up getting annoyed and could get on each other’s nerves and ruin relationships.
This kind of thing usually only works if you’re all fairly easy natured. If not then it’s really not worth it.

PamelaTodd · 20/08/2019 22:08

A hotel room in the wedding hotel would be a non negotiable for me if bringing small dc. You need somewhere to retreat to when they get tired, or over excited.

Might be a useful retreat for bil’s Dc too so you could argue that you’re doing everyone a favor.

AcrossthePond55 · 20/08/2019 22:09

Nope. The AirBnB doesn't have enough bathrooms for each couple/family to have one to themselves. I wouldn't fancy trying to get ready for a wedding and sharing a bathroom with my iLs.

Another huge plus is that with a hotel you're in and out, done. If this house they're proposing would expect the renters to clean the place prior to leaving then it's not only no, it's HELL no!

HeffaLump1 · 20/08/2019 22:16

Is there much price difference? If I'd only be saving say £50 then I'd say hotel. £100 or more I'd grit my teeth and go to the house

CalmdownJanet · 20/08/2019 22:19

Oh god stay in the hotel 100%, why would you faff with a taxi late at night when you can just go upstairs? And get up the next morning to a big buffet breakfast to cure your hangover. And have a room at the venue so you can change your shoes & freshen up. Book the hotel, no doubt about it!

Treesinaforest · 20/08/2019 22:32

Hotel, definitely. Say you want the hotel breakfast, to not have to clean before checking out, and of course the convenience of just bringing the baby to the room as opposed to the house.

I have paid my dues sharing with in laws, and I now seize any possible excuse to get out of doing so. And I like them! But I like them best when there's plenty of space between usWink

adreamofspring · 20/08/2019 22:58

I vote hotel based on your latest update about you taking care of the baby. There are smaller properties or if it’s DH’s side of the fam them they can invite a cousin or another relative to join if they’re that desperate for this specific house.

You’ll have to get an earlier taxi with your child so can factor that into the cost (as well as everyone waking baby up when they come in later from the wedding Smile)

CurbsideProphet · 20/08/2019 23:02

Oh god I couldn't stay in a house with my own parents and sibling, never mind in laws Shock

Templetonstunafish · 20/08/2019 23:11

Fuck that shit. Can't you just say it'll be easier to have a place next to wedding for baby to nap/nappy change etc. Plus hotel sexytime. I would hold firm otherwise you'll spend the time on edge & resentful of your DH.

helacells · 20/08/2019 23:13

YABU its a few nights out of your life. Do it for family harmony. You can stay in a pricey hotel any other time.