To think single people are happier

[anniemac1984]

I've been single for nearly 15 years now after leaving an abusive relationship

I'm 39 and couldn't care less if I never play "hide the sausage" ever again 😆

Not only have i recently come to the sad conclusion that a lot of men are twats (not all I know, but a lot are)

But I also think I'm a lot happier than most of my friends who are in relationships or married and stressed with family life etc

I think it's sad I've come to this conclusion, but I really feel a lot of people are in unhappy relationships 🤷🏻‍♀️

Maybe it's where I live (in a city)
Maybe it's because of my past
Maybe I'm right 🤔

What you reck? X

My childless, single friends are very unhappy. They’re both in their 40’s and are now dealing with the fact that they’ll never have children of their own and it is affecting them massively.
The main issue they have is loneliness.
I think one of the main factors that contribute to happiness is the relationships and connections we have with family and friends and how positive it is. It doesn’t have to be a partner or even children but just other people.

TomHagen it's funny what you say about feeling like a fly is buzzing round you when you're single. I think I feel that way about being in a relationship! I'm just sitting here (being very lazy scrolling through MN) imagining a partner next to me maybe suggesting we go out. And thinking "er no, I'm glad that's not happening"

I do love having my children though. I'm not sure I'd be so happy if I didn't have them.

But I really think I'm not cut out for relationships. I've been single for years and can't imagine that changing or wanting it to change.

I think it's given my children a bit of perspective about relationships. They've both seen it's possible to feel happy without one, and that it's entirely possible to leave an unhappy one. My teen dd doesn't seem in any rush to get herself a boyfriend and is very happy in her own company.

Having said that, my friend (in a long term happy relationship- though with normal ups and downs) has a dd in her 20s who is also in a happy, long term relationship so I'm not trying to argue that my situation is the best role model. Just that it's not a bad one!

Charles11 I agree that relationships are so important to happiness. I have a few close friends whose friendship makes me really happy, and my children make me laugh a lot! I have another single friend whose dogs give her endless happiness so I'd include pets in that too!

I love being with DH and wouldn’t want to be without him. But if I hadn’t had found him I would definitely prefer to be single than in a relationship with someone who I’m not really that in to or wasn’t very nice. I think being truly in love is probably preferable than being single - not that you would necessarily be unhappy just because you’re not in love obviously. But being single is definitely much better than being in a bad or unfulfilling relationship.

There's a very different quality to the loneliness you get when you are on your own, and the loneliness you feel when you are with the wrong (or even sometimes the right, but the surrounding conditions aren't right) person.

I'm on my own, when I'm lonely I can ring a friend, or visit someone or even just go out and see people doing their own things. But I feel connected. When I'm in one of those 'lonely' relationships, I find I am paralysed and unable to do anything without partner feeling slighted that I 'need' to go out and seek company. And the disconnection just grows.

I'd rather feel lonely on my own in my own house with my dog, than sitting next to a bloke on the sofa who won't touch me and can't be disturbed because he's watching Luther...

My DH and I have been together for 25 years (met late teens).

We've definitely grown apart since our DS came along (age 9), no-one's fault, it's just how it is - and I'm at the stage now where I think my DH would actually be happier without me.

I'm not happy, and I don't think he is either, but I guess it's 'easier' to stay together, albeit exhausting trying to conceal our differences from our young son, often on a daily basis.

It's all very sad and I wonder what the future will hold...maybe we would both be happier going separate ways/being single. I honestly don't know :(

I think for some people this is definitely true, but for me I’ve never been happier since meeting my husband and wouldn’t ever want to go back to being single! Obviously things change, but I think circumstances and past experiences make a huge difference in whether people are happy alone or in a relationship!

I was happily single for five years before I met my DH, (on and off dating). I had been very unhappy in my previous crap long term relationship where I stayed around out of habit and a warped sense of loyalty so living the single life in my own lovely tidy house and pleasing myself was lovely...but since i met DH two years ago, I have never known a happiness like it.

We are both child free by choice which I think helps as we don't have the distractions some couples face and pretty much live in our own little bubble which is just lovely, (apart from both of us having demanding jobs!)

My children do not make me miserable and neither does being single. I am pretty happy yes and no real desire to find anyone

I will say I think I love my dog more than I’ve ever loved a non related human 😂

I left an abusive relationship when I was 23 and am now 26. I quite genuinely could never see me wanting to have a man again. I'm very happy singlr

I'm sure it's not true for everyone, but studies seem to show that single women are happier and live longer.

I was perfectly happy before and after exH. I'm now in a new relationship and some things are better, but I can see how I can be unhappier at times because I start having expectations and will sometimes be disappointed.

It’s normally children that make people miserable and they contribute to making relationships that were once happy miserable too!

Definitely not. Having DS is great and he's great, even in his moody days as a teenager.

I think it depends on the relationship. After a horrendous relationship with ex p I certainly spent a long time thinking the same as you, however I've been seeing dp for nearly a year and a half now and the relationship has been a revelation. There's literally no stress, we very much lead our own lives and catch up whenever we are free (made easy as he lives incredibly close). Neither of us are in a hurry for anything serious so it's a real go with the flow relaxed relationship... and I think when you go without for a while you forget how enjoyable hide the sausage can be

I loved being single
The kids and I formed a pack and just did what we wanted in our spare time with no having to check in with anyone
Now I’m with a bloke I’m just as happy-but in a different way
We all make a great team but it’s different
I knew he was the one when I thought about if we ever broke up-we’d be fine again but I choose to be with him not living a fear of being in my own

Ooh Lweji, yes that's true for me too-I definitely feel less centered, slightly more uneasy in a relationship, and maybe that's why. When I'm single I can only disappoint myself!
I love DP but I'm probably calmer and more myself when single. People (except dc oddly) being intimately involved in my life stresses me a bit for some reason. I think somehow men sap my power a bit, or I hand it over somehow. Just little things like when I was single and needed some shelves I would drive to B & Q and get out the drill and all that. Now dp does it ( because who really wants to do those things themselves) but at the same time I lose confidence in myself because of it.
Some people are definitely meant to be single

I am going to spend Christmas on my own, with the fire and the TV on and a small stash of delicious food, playing with my present, which will be a pair of kittens. (While resisting all well-intentioned offers from friends to come spend it with them at their in-laws.)

all well-intentioned offers from friends to come spend it with them at their in-laws.

I can barely cope at my mother's.

I hear ya!