To think single people are happier

[anniemac1984]

I've been single for nearly 15 years now after leaving an abusive relationship

I'm 39 and couldn't care less if I never play "hide the sausage" ever again 😆

Not only have i recently come to the sad conclusion that a lot of men are twats (not all I know, but a lot are)

But I also think I'm a lot happier than most of my friends who are in relationships or married and stressed with family life etc

I think it's sad I've come to this conclusion, but I really feel a lot of people are in unhappy relationships 🤷🏻‍♀️

Maybe it's where I live (in a city)
Maybe it's because of my past
Maybe I'm right 🤔

What you reck? X

An observation- some of my single friends seem terribly lonely and over-compensating for being single by constantly going on about how they don’t need a partner and look at their fabulous life etc. The ones who are single and contented rarely mention it.

I’m not taking about anyone on this thread- the question was asked and people responded.

I read an article once that said society assumes that people in relationships are happier than single people, whereas actually people in GOOD relationships are happier than single people, and people in bad relationships are the least happy. I've attached the image in the article.

I think this is 100% true- and this societal pressure makes people leap into the wrong marriage because 'its better than being single'. It isn't. There's nothing lonelier than being stuck with the wrong person, and nothing better than being with the right one, in my experience.

I think this is 100% true

It can’t be 100% true. There are always people who will buck a “trend”.

@JacquesHammer hence, 'I think' and 'in my experience'. I am yet to see anyone buck the trend, so 'in my experience, I think' its 100% true.

Pleased to meet you. I buck the trend

@JacquesHammer touché

I'm happiest I've ever been. Single with 1x DC (through choice sperm donor)

Life is so much easier than the drudgery of shitty men that I constantly read about on here and hear my friends talking about OH's

I'm a single mum now and some days more than others I am happy and enjoy being in my own. No one to answer to, can do what I want and don't need to clean up after another adult, make their food.
I started an access course when we split last year and done well and I'm now going to university next month to become a children's nurse, which makes me proud that I did it myself. I feel if we were still together, this would not be happening right now.

Then there is the other side to it, yes it can be lonely. He has a girlfriend, I've posted about it before so won't bore you with the details, but it's still hard, I do still love him, but I know deep down if we were to get back together it would be exactly the same as before.
It's also hard knowing he's doing things for her that he never did for me, such as going abroad, buying little gifts etc. He said to me he's trying to learn from his mistakes, but it feels like I wasn't good enough and not worth enough, for him to do them things to me.
I am stronger though, as he still asks me for help with stuff and before I would just do it, but now I tell him no.

I have few boundaries when it comes to men I get romantically involved with, and will always centre them rather than myself. I have no desire to go into therapy to unpick all of that so prefer to remain single.

I think childfree people are happier!

Of course being single is better than being in an abusive relationship.

But, for me, being in a loving, happy relationship would be better than being single.

I've never been very happy being single.

Im 24. Abusive childhood and abusive past. 1 v good friend and one other who's ok. Not interested in anyone else, people man and women are awful and horrid. I've struggled to meet anyone who isn't a selfish self serving b who's ready to do everyone else over. No partner and its bliss

I don't think you can generalise that much, I think being single/being in a relationship both have their pro's and con's. I'm happily married but at the same time I'm confident that I could be happily single too

I was happy when I was single. But I'm even happier married to a wonderful supportive
loving partner. Who is a fantastic, devoted parent and I'm glad I'm not childless if only for the reason that being a father makes him so happy and fulfilled.

I think of coupledom as a pyramid. The people at the top, who are with their soulmate, someone totally compatible and who is committed to the relationship, generous, responsible and thoughtful, are the apex and the goal to which all of us aspire.

The problem is that this probably represents less than 10% of couples, particularly when you throw children, mortgages and domestic drudgery into the mix.

The vast remaining swathe of people are in various shades of disappointment, ranging from mild irritation at the top down to downright misery and abuse at the bottom.

A good 50% of those people in the bottom chunk would be better off on their own but due to a variety of factors, financial, societal, emotional and child baggage being prominent, can't or aren't prepared to leave.

What we as a society ought to be working towards is educating our children to identify what they need for a good relationship, teaching them to spot the signs of a bad one and get out before they become too enmeshed and protect themselves, particularly female children, from the sorts of financial abuse that make it hard to leave.

We would all do ourselves a big favour if we could cut through the dross of expectation that being part of a couple automatically makes your life happier and more functional, teach people to stand on their own two feet financially and domestically before they rush headlong down the aisle or into cohabitation and generally to value their own company and autonomy. We could start by teaching girls to avoid the trappings of "romance" which are dangled in front of them as a carrot to persuade them to give up their independence and help rewire them as strong, autonomous people who chose partners based on compatibility and respect, rather than how often they buy bunches of flowers and how good they are at paying compliments.

It starts and ends with feminism and developing a sense of agency and autonomy in women. Just reading these threads and gauging the sense that singledom is still something to be avoided, it seems we still have a long way to go.

I think of coupledom as a pyramid. The people at the top, who are with their soulmate, someone totally compatible and who is committed to the relationship, generous, responsible and thoughtful, are the apex and the goal to which all of us aspire

I think rather than a couple being at the top, surely the people at the top are the people who are happy whether that’s as part of a couple, or single by choice?

Being in a relationship isn’t a goal or something to which I aspire at all.

thepeopleversuswork

Apologies - I see you covered that at the end of your post. When I was scrolling it hadn’t all loaded.

JacquesHammer totally agree... I don't think anyone should aspire to coupledom in and of itself and we should all be happy with ourselves, I was just making the point that I think a genuinely good relationship is life enhancing and probably better even than happy singledom.

But as discussed I think these lucky people are a very small subset of the overall group of people in settled relationships.

It's anecdotal but just among my own peer group I can only think of maybe one or two long term couples who I think are genuinely happier with one another than they would be on their own, most of the rest seem to muddle along, "happy enough" not to want to rock the boat due to the usual pressures of middle aged life but IMHO less happy than if they took the leap and separated.

I think most people assume happy couples are happier than happy single people.

My personal preference is in order of happiness

1. Happy relationship
2. Single
3. Unhappy relationship

I was never a happy single person, but I would never have stayed in an unhappy or abusive relationship. I'd rather be alone forever than be with the wrong person.

I don't assume everyone feels the same as me.

I was married for almost 20 years. I am happier single. I have always liked my own com,pany anyway.

I don't think "smug marrieds" really believe anyone is happoy single but it is definitely the case, just as some married people are happy and others not. We all just vary.

I would put happy single at the lot of my own chart in large part because my personality is happiest times ever are just about always when I am alone. I never get enough alone time ever.

I think most people assume happy couples are happier than happy single people

Which is in itself problematic because it pushes stereotypes.

And usually why people (always in a couple) do the whole “never say never” bollocks.

Each to their own I guess....I was miserable in a relationship, happy single, then happy in a relationship, then miserable single, now happier than I’ve ever been with a man that is perfect for me.

Luck of the draw I think!

I can tell u right this moment there is nobody in the world happier than me. I am happily married.YABU

I can tell u right this moment there is nobody in the world happier than me. I am happily married

I think I'm going to vomit (not envy)
And no, I'm not bitter before you say I am. I have a wonderful oh.

I have a relative who is in her 50s - childless and single. Always has been. She is the most unhappy person I know. I married young and had children. Still married and am very happy.