To start using my Dr title everywhere?

[Fyette]

I am 35 years old, but was born with the mixed genetic blessing of always looking far younger than my actual age. I still regularly get asked for ID in pubs and even at the cinema. I have a DD and people tend to assume I am a (very) young mother.

And yes, sometimes this is nice and flattering.

But like all women, and especially young women, I seem to get patronised a lot. I especially notice it at my DDs school (and before that with the HV), or in semi-formal settings.

I have a PhD and have never used my dr title outside of work, because I don't want to seem like a twat, basically. But sometimes I feel seeming like an obnoxious twat might be preferable to having to put up with this general condescension. Perhaps if I start introducing myself as Dr Fyette I will be taken more seriously? AIBU?

(Mind you: I do not think young women without a PhD deserve to be patronised any more than I do.)

Wow, never mind the OP looking like a Twat, some amount of stuck up "Intellectuals" on here who seem like complete idiots.

I work in academia, everyone including the Chancellor and VC is John and Fred.

I think people are getting confused about what 'using' a title here means. The VC probably introduces himself as 'Fred' (though I bet other people introduce him as Professor Smith all the time) but it doesn't say 'Fred' on his bank card, or when he fills in an insurance form, or at his GO surgery, and I bet it doesn't say 'Mr Smith' either.

No PhD but can empathise with the young looking bit and I’m the same age, my eldest is nearly ten. I now have a professional job title which can be useful when new starters ask me to supply stationery etc. Professional quals will help beef that up (plus letters after my name) but I suspect I’ll have aged a fair bit by then.

On the upside it has helped me start a new career and I’ll be starting again in a new industry with lots of young people. I won’t look out of place or be mistaken for the manager.

I have a PhD - only time I used Dr was with my ex-partner (same-sex) so instead of being Ms&Ms on contracts/reservations etc we were Dr&Dr - the country I'm in is supposedly tolerant, etc but after dealing with a few homophobic asses while setting up contracts it's the solution we found. Saved a lot of hassle/explaining. Because people just assume most people are straight.

Academics I know use the title to park illegally - notes on the windscreen etc.

It is the mark of shame when you're caught, unless you admit to being a doctor of twattery.

I've never met a male medical doctor who calls himself 'Mr' outside work

Maybe you’ve met them but haven’t realized it. I know quite a few male and female medical Doctors who don’t use Dr unless it’s in a professional capacity. I also know a lot of people with PhDs who don’t use their title unless it’s for work. In fact, I can’t think of anyone who has a PhD who uses Dr in normal life.

I think it’s weird and pretentious to use it in day to day life.

If I thought for a second someone was using their Dr title to try and impress me it would make me think they were a right knob! I’d find it quite pathetic really🤷🏻‍♀️

It’s not that I’m not impressed with anyone who has a PhD or who is a medical Doctor because I am. I think both are an amazing achievements.

Also, I get the frustration of having to use Miss/Mrs/Ms It’s annoying. I try my hardest to avoid using them.

I worked in an office with 3 PHDs, one Oxford, one Cambridge and one Southampton he was Mel. Only the one from Southampton used Dr.

Every morning it was the same routine
"Morning Dr. Davis"
"Morning, Dr. Fraser"

"Hiya Mel" in chorus.

I work in the professional sector, none of us use our Masters qualification after our names unless applying for jobs.

The 'Dr's' I work with went from school, to uni, then stayed on and some of them did PHD's in some bizarre subject with no real life application who insist on being addressed as Dr.

Personally I find it a bit wanky.

Also, who ever said you get upgraded with the title DR, that stopped in about 1993. Regular flyers or high level status is the only way you may get upgraded.

Sorry, but using titles or letters after your name makes you look like a twat outside the professional environment you work in. By all means use them when appropriate in a relevant setting, i.e. work, but not in everyday life

Do you only use mrs in relevant settings? By that logic using mrs at work or when ordering from amazon makes you look like a twat as your marital status isn’t relevant.

By all means use it in appropriate settings like legal documents where the relationship needs to be defined, but not in everyday situations where it’s not necessary.

In fact, I can’t think of anyone who has a PhD who uses Dr in normal life.

Again, what do you mean by 'use'? I don't know anyone with a PhD who insists on people referring to them as 'Dr X' but I also don't know any of them who never use it on forms, etc. As I said, I bet some of my friends think I don't use my title because when do your friends see your post?

I work in the professional sector, none of us use our Masters qualification after our names unless applying for jobs.

I'm sorry but that really isn't the same thing.

@YouLookGood, so why would you resent anyone who does have one using the title? If you have one, you've worked damned hard for it. It's really important for women to communicate status and achievement. For our daughters, if not for us.

I use it on all forms - doesn't make me like a twat, it's my title. If you think that's twattish, that's your problem.

I never use it socially, but then I don't use any title socially. I don't sign letters etc. as Ms Dues Dirt, I just sign them Dues.

Yes I use mine. It's my title! I don't use it in medical situations (PhD not medical Dr) to avoid confusion but everywhere else, if asked, yes.
As to the poster who said it was 'too try hard', I did try extremely hard to get that title, I'm bloody well going to use it.

I think it’s weird and pretentious to use it in day to day life

So when the man doing my MOT asks me is it’s Mrs or Miss, what do you suggest I say? Especially when “computer says no” and insists on a title.

I am not Miss. I am not Mrs. I am not defined by my marital status and refuse to do so.

Is it less twattish to use reverend/sir/dame? They are as much my title as miss or mrs.

That said, I never use the letters behind my name, not that they would impress anyway.

I think you’ve confused me with another poster or tagged the wrong person @XingMing - I absolutely support and encourage all Drs to use their title!

I've never met a male medical doctor who calls himself 'Mr' outside work
I speak to many Doctors from their home address, Consultants, Professors, medics on transplant teams, Revenue solicitors barristers, the majority don't use their title.
I know from their mobile number who is who most of the time but they rarely use it.

I was sexist by mistake when I first started I asked a p.a what is his name and it was a lady surgeon, I never made the mistake again.

I'm toying with transferring my masters thesis onto a phd and if I do I will be THE BIGGEST insufferable twat with the title.
It will have cost me the best part of 100k and taken 7ish years all in so yes, 100% use the title and fuck anyone who thinks you're anything other than brilliant.

Mind you, just saw With the kindest of intentions, qualifying as a nurse does not make you the intellectual equal of a PhD, and that's patronising bollocks.

I speak to many Doctors from their home address, Consultants, Professors, medics on transplant teams, Revenue solicitors barristers, the majority don't use their title.
I know from their mobile number who is who most of the time but they rarely use it.

Do you mean that they answer the phone 'hello it's Susan' rather than 'hello it's Dr Jones'? Because as I said, not many people use their title like that (and I agree it's a bit off to do so, though I think introducing yourself as 'Mrs Jones' is equally stuffy and overformal). I've never met a male medical doctor who if he was filling out a hotel check-in form would describe himself - in that situation where you have to choose a title - as Mr.

@daisyjgrey love it! Go for it.

I don't use mine everyday, I prefer Mrs ( which will presumably get some people's backs up on here!) - infact my university is the only place that sends me mail addressed as Dr and that's because they have me on their records as my maiden name still. I've been told by various people that I earned it so should use it. Personally I think that is up to me - and having had a fairly stressful time of it with my PhD, although I'm proud I got through it, I don't want to use the title, especially as I don't do anything in a related field.

However, I did end up wheeling out my list of post-nominals in my email footer for my last job as I was getting sick and fed up of being treated like an admin monkey due to the job title having 'administrator' in it. It was actually pretty remarkable how much of a difference that made to the tone of the communications I received... 🤷

(And you know you can have a PhD in nursing, right? So who looks ignorant now?)