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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

When did it become a thing

142 replies

SilverySurfer · 19/08/2019 16:02

That people started saying 'me/myself, DH and DCs'? The correct term is DH, DCs and I. As an example, me/myself, DH and DCs went to London. I went to London is correct, me/myself went to London is obviously wrong.

OP posts:

pictish · 19/08/2019 16:58

I agree that it’s more annoying when people insist it’s ‘Dave and I’ when it should be ‘Dave and me’. Like a pp poster said, simply remove the other person from the sentence and the one that makes sense is correct.

MrsBethel · 19/08/2019 17:01

The weird thing with this one is that I know perfectly well that it's 'The kids and I went to the park', but I think that makes me sound like a bit a of a pretentious arsehole.

So I get it wrong on purpose and go with 'Me and the kids went to the park.'

RosaWaiting · 19/08/2019 17:03

me should add

the English teacher "friend" is really an acquaintance. But she got very worked up when she thought I was speaking incorrectly, and I have a thing that I just cba taking on people like that. There's far too much trouble in life already.

I had thought "yourself" had come into common usage from regional variations? I don't mind it at all.

tbh I don't mind anything much, but I tend to imagine that many people have been taught many different things. however, I really couldn't get my head around saying "mum and me went to the shops" - it sounds completely wrong.

notacooldad · 19/08/2019 17:06

My nan used to moan Bout this when I was a kid. I'm 54 now so its not a new thing!

notacooldad · 19/08/2019 17:06

Moan about this!!!

CassianAndor · 19/08/2019 17:12

people have used 'me' instead of '!' for ever and a day, it's not new.

Myself, yourself etc, on the other hand, is and it's so fucking grating. I always think people who do it have somewhere along the line been taught that the more syllables they use, the more intelligent they appear. Not true!

I hear it a lot in customer services and can only assume that staff have been told to use it by idiot managers.

PuzzledObserver · 19/08/2019 17:13

Now then - if you ring your mum, when she answers do you say "it's me" or "it's I?". I'm hoping the former (I would)... but technically shouldn't it be the latter? Because the verb to be means.... the object of the verb is the same as the subject?

I think this is one of those where strict grammar says one thing, but common sense says another.

As for your/myself - the 'self' bit means it's reflexive, so you use it when the objective of the verb is also the object.... when I go to the hairdresser she washes my hair, but the rest of the time I do it myself.

Something like that, anyway. Now I've confused myself. (Or should that be me?)

RosaWaiting · 19/08/2019 17:14

notacooldad for some reason, your comment about your gran reminded me....we all have our pet hates. Mum hates "I'm good".

I went to the pharmacy to get mum's prescription and the pharmacist said "how are you?" I replied "I'm good" and she winced but didn't say anything. So I apologised to her for using that expression and she said "thank you". Yes, we do see each other quite often so we are on "chatty" terms!

Coyoacan · 19/08/2019 17:14

Well, in answer to your question, OP, I am getting on for seventy and the "wrong" version was always what came naturally to us.

I work with language, though I'm not an expert, but aren't grammar rules and dictionaries supposed to describe and explain how we speak, rather than the other way round?

I heard of some so-called expert who would never let anyone get away with a split infinitive, when in fact, the split infinitive rule was invented by grammarians in the 18th century, who based their rules about English grammar on the rules of Latin, a totally different language.

AnnaFiveTowns · 19/08/2019 17:16

The whole reflexive pronoun thing is so annoying; it's call-centre speak. Anyone that uses it just sounds like a drongo to me.

On the other hand, I nearly always say "Me and my DH..." rather than "my DH and I..." I know it's not grammatically correct and maybe it's a geographical thing but I just feel like such a pretentious wanker saying "My DH and I..." It makes me cringe to say it. So I never judge anyone for saying this, even though I'm a grammar pedant.

Like PPs have said, the thing that really gets my goat is when people think they're talking posh by always using "...and I..." - when often it's grammatically incorrect.

zafferana · 19/08/2019 17:17

I hate the usage of 'yourselves' as well, as in 'And would that be for yourselves?' Answer: 'No it fucking wouldn't and could you please speak properly!!' Argh!

I really hate the mangling of the English language that is so prevalent these days. It's bad enough IRL, but I can kind of excuse that, as not everyone has the benefit of a family that speaks properly or a decent education. The thing that really gets my goat is the morons they hire to talk on the radio these days. Even the BBC is full of people who can't string a coherent sentence together, but other channels are far worse. I listen to Radio X in the car sometimes and the presenters on that are only semi-eloquent. I wish they'd just shut up and play the music, rather than giving us their garbled and generally utterly banal musings on life.

/rant over

BarleyG · 19/08/2019 17:20

The myself/yourself thing infuriates me!

Original poster

SilverySurfer · 19/08/2019 17:21

MrsBethel
The weird thing with this one is that I know perfectly well that it's 'The kids and I went to the park', but I think that makes me sound like a bit of a pretentious arsehole.

So I get it wrong on purpose and go with 'Me and the kids went to the park.'

Interesting, so if saying it correctly makes you sound like a bit of a pretentious arsehold, how do you think you sound when saying it incorrectly?

OP posts:

MountainDweller · 19/08/2019 17:21

I agree it seems to be prevalent in customer service situations whether on the phone or face to face. So for some reason people think it's extra polite

Tonnerre · 19/08/2019 17:24

I work with language, though I'm not an expert, but aren't grammar rules and dictionaries supposed to describe and explain how we speak, rather than the other way round?

Nope, on the basis that that's the road to chaos. There has to be a central chore of accepted usage and meanings, otherwise all communication effectively stops.

EndLegalFiction · 19/08/2019 17:27

Dumbing down is a trend right now. Why is it so clever to be stupid?

The extinction of the word contact is my daily grind right now, "reach out" makes me physically wince. I am also extremely uncomfortable with the "could care less" when the exact opposite is meant and extraneous "of a" forced into phrases like big deal etc.

I know these are all americanisms seeping through but gah...

RoundOf · 19/08/2019 17:28

The weird thing with this one is that I know perfectly well that it's 'The kids and I went to the park', but I think that makes me sound like a bit of a pretentious arsehole.

So I get it wrong on purpose and go with 'Me and the kids went to the park.'

I do this too. I know when it should be I, and that is how I'd write it, but saying it would make me sound ridiculous so I choose to say the incorrect 'me'.

CassianAndor · 19/08/2019 17:29

Tonnerre yes, but that poster is right about the split infinitive thing coming from Latin and being imposed on English, for reasons of snobbery, no doubt (similar to not using French words - so looking glass, not mirror, napkin not serviette. MN loves Nancy Mitford and her U/Non U, and many posters still believe that it's real).

And English isn't like French where there in a language Institute making the rules. There aren't really rules in English, just accepted practice.

Original poster

SilverySurfer · 19/08/2019 17:31

MrsBethel Mon 19-Aug-19 17:01:10
The weird thing with this one is that I know perfectly well that it's 'The kids and I went to the park', but I think that makes me sound like a bit a of a pretentious arsehole.

So I get it wrong on purpose and go with 'Me and the kids went to the park.

That's interesting, so if saying it correctly makes you think that you sound like a pretentious arsehole, how do you think it makes you sound when using it incorrectly? Is it to fit in with those around you?

Coyoacan
Well, in answer to your question, OP, I am getting on for seventy and the "wrong" version was always what came naturally to us.

I am mid 70s and never saw it being used when I was young.

OP posts:

RelaisBlu · 19/08/2019 17:32

There is also a problem with over-correction where people use "I" when it is correct to use "me".

eg. " Mum is coming shopping with Chloe & I" - this is incorrect
"Mum is coming shopping with Chloe & me" - is correct

The way to remember which it should be is to take out all the other people, so in the example above you would never say "Mum is coming shopping with I" - "me" is correct, no matter how many other people there are before that word.

PattySlapper · 19/08/2019 17:35

In my local dialect it's most common to say 'me and' or 'and me' and I do say this as have done since been a child and like PP do think 'and I' sounds a bit pretentious in my area!

However, I am aware of the correct grammatical usage, and have noticed that without fail everyone I know or notice using 'and I' at all times without observing the correct use. Does just make them sound incredibly try hard tbh as they obviously just think 'and I' makes them sound a cut above everyone else without actually understanding how it's used! I'd much rather use 'me' incorrectly than 'I', as its just local informal colloquial use rather than sounding like a bit of a dick.

RantyAnty · 19/08/2019 17:39

The shite grammar and spelling is annoying but I just try to ignore it.

The one spelling mistake that makes me want to vomit is using the word loose for lose. "I want to loose weight" accckkkk

berlinbabylon · 19/08/2019 17:44

I don't like the myself thing when me is meant, either. But apparently it was used back in the 1930s or even earlier, so hardly a new thing.

But I think I dislike the following even more:

"impact" used as a verb - say affect or "have an impact on"

gift instead of give

saying excited "for" something when you mean "about" or that you are looking forward to it.

berlinbabylon · 19/08/2019 17:45

The guards on SWR like it actually "if you need help or see something suspicious, please contact myself the guard".

If they say "me" (rare) I give a little internal cheer.

Original poster

SilverySurfer · 19/08/2019 17:47

RantyAntytotally totally agree and what about defiantly instead of definitely, it makes my toes curl under. I also hate the latest thing of calling an invitation an invite, grrr.

OP posts:

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