To not want to be spoken to like this?

[plantwhisperer]

Bit of background, DP & I have a 1 year old dog. He's been potty trained now for about 6 months (we don't have a garden so took a little longer than expected!) and pup has been doing really well with going out at set times and peeing then.

DP has a short temper- not physically violent or anything but he will snap at the smallest things, I really really try to actively avoid him getting mad at the dog as it's not the dogs fault and negative reinforcement never helps!

Anyway, pup was due to go out for his lunchtime walk (which is DP's responsibility) and DP was late taking him out by 40mins so pup peed in his crate where he was sitting (crate open btw he just chooses to go in there!)

I'm trying to clean up the mess, dog is covered in piss and manages to shake it on me (ew), the floor and the walls! I suggest to DP that he takes the dog out now and we will bath him when he comes back (as he was due a bath anyway and DP planned on getting him muddy). Instead DP starts yelling at me about how it's my fault, I'm a clean freak and don't need to clean the floor, it's the dogs fault etc etc and that he has loads of work to do.

I snapped as I offered to clean up the place whilst he took the dog out AND bath him afterwards but DP insisted on doing it himself all the while having a go at me as it's apparently 'all my fault'. I told him I'm on his side and he doesn't need to take it out on me but he just doesn't listen when he has a mood swing!

So AIBU in that I don't deserve to be spoken to in that way and blamed just because he can't control his temper? This is quite a small example but has really tipped me over the edge today as he's always losing it with me over small things when I'm either a) not involved in them or b) offer to bloody help him!

Of course it's not easy, but it is necessary.

Many of the posters telling OP to leave (including me), have been through this themselves. they know exactly how hard it is to leave, but even if OP doesn't leave today/this week, she DOES need to start making arrangements to leave, and she absolutely MUST NOT, let him know she's leaving him. It's the most dangerous time for a woman in an abusive relationship. Many of the women killed (2 a week), hadn't experienced physical violence, until they tried to leave, which is why it's imperative to keep plans secret. Mortgages and other finances can be sorted out afterwards, (but try to get copies of important documents) and it's a good idea to start an escape fund.

OP, you need to tell people in RL what's happening too. You'll probably feel embarrassed and ashamed, it's common, and I certainly did, but it's him who should feel those emotions, not you. You have nothing to feel ashamed about.

It WILL be hard, it WILL be complicated, but you must leave, it IS possible, even if you have to walk out when he's out of the house, with only a few clothes and ddog.

Carry on reading that book, and also check out the Freedom Programme that a pp linked to. We're here to hold your hand.

Blimey, @wineandroses1 - thank you.

I put it down to age, some similar rotten experiences to many OP's with dysfunctional families/partners, & finally growing up enough to stop with the giving so many fucks ;)

x

Do not get pregnant with this man. He isn't good father material. Raise your current bench mark higher in the future.

Raise your current bench mark higher in the future

Negative judgements don't help, just saying.

Its also pretty simplistic to say thats all its about.

True. But this is AIBU, rather than relationships.

aibu is not an excuse for negative judgements. Unreasonable is unreasonable in any language or on any forum.

Please remember that abuse escalates at times when you're vulnerable particularly around pregnancy and birth. Imagine how he treats you and the dog but with a newborn when you're recovering from a c section with no sleep.