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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to ask how to split holiday costs?

82 replies

sailorcherries · 19/08/2019 12:52

After our to-ing and fro-ing over holidays we have decided to stay in the UK next year and we're looking at center parcs, haven, Butlins etc.
We did look at places such as Bluestone but with a toddler a 6+ hour drive was out the question. We live in the central belt of Scotland.

I had mentioned to my DSis that even those places seemed more expensive than last year and she agreed. She said that neither her or her fiance could afford a holiday next year, not even a week away at a lodge somewhere quiet. We need to go in school holidays.
She suggested we go together as it would be less expensive than separate and we can split up with the kids and so on. All agreed.

I told her that Haven or Center Parcs would be best as the other places we looked at didn't have the same facilities for a toddler and were very weather dependent - these places were less so.

We had a look at Center Parcs and DSis kept talking about how it was excellent as she always wanted to go but they couldn't afford even a midweek term time break but could now.

I, rather naively, asked about how we split the cost. DH and I have two kids, they would be alone, and we'd need a 3 bed place. I knew we would pay more and was happy to do so, depending on total cost.

Center Parcs came back at us spending almost £1000 (just less) and them spending less than half that. DSis was thrilled as it was almost £200 cheaper than her and her fiance going alone during term time. I said to her that the accommodation cost was okay but having looked the price of additional activities would really add up for the kids and we couldn't afford that. She doesn't have these additional costs.

She is adamant that she wants to go there. We could get a cheaper holiday, just DH and the kids, if we went to Haven but both her and her fiance would want their accommodation and it would cost them more.

It seems as though she is happy because she gets a cheaper holiday despite us paying more and she won't budge.
Wibu to say that if center parcs are her first choice then she should pay a little more towards the accommodation as both DH and I have explicitly said it's too expensive? We're at the point of just saying no, do your own thing.

OP posts:

Didiusfalco · 19/08/2019 12:54

How much of that £1000 is she actually going to be paying?

wendywoopywoo222 · 19/08/2019 12:56

Tell her the truth that you can't afford to go there. She can't dictate you go with them just because it suits them. It has to suit all of you.

Probably easier to just book and go on your own

pikapikachu · 19/08/2019 12:58

3 bedrooms - you pay 2/3, she pays 1/3. Each family pays for their own activities and food.

LagunaBubbles · 19/08/2019 12:59

I would be saying no just do your own thing!

Original poster

sailorcherries · 19/08/2019 13:02

Didius we would be paying almost £1000, DH and I. She would be paying around £450ish separately.
We split the cost 2/3 to 1/3 for bedrooms.

If she went on her own it would cost her almost £650. So she is saving £200ish for that. DH and I found a brand new caravan, in a nice haven park, for around £800.
That price difference plus the cost of activities at Center Parcs mean we will be worse off but she won't be paying for many activities at all.

OP posts:

TixieLix · 19/08/2019 13:05

I agree with @pikapikachu, if it's a 3 bed lodge and you need two of them, then the split is 2/3 you and 1/3 her for the accommodation. Each family pays for their own activities. If you can't afford that then be honest and tell her so. She can't force you to book something you can't afford.

Just out of interest, why do you need to go in the school holidays if your DC is still a toddler? Do you work at a school?

Original poster

sailorcherries · 19/08/2019 13:11

And I agree with the 2/3 to 1/3 but not when it costs us more than the holiday we suggested and she's keen because it saves her £200+.
If she wanted to go and was adamant we'd go if it didn't cost us as much.

OP posts:

Original poster

sailorcherries · 19/08/2019 13:12

We have a school aged child and I work in a school.

OP posts:

pikapikachu · 19/08/2019 13:14

If the numbers don't add up then why can't you say sorry and bail from this agreement? Your sister is better off finding another couple and going term-time or having a shorter holiday ?

MzHz · 19/08/2019 13:14

She’ adamant.

Perhaps she is, but she’s not armed!

If you don’t want to go there, just say so and look for something you ARE happy with. IF she wants to come, she comes, if not she can book her own holiday

Yup, it really IS that simple

PicaK · 19/08/2019 13:17

Before I had kids I begrudged holiday costs being split 50/50. When they were using an extra bedroom. I could slap myself now. Say it's 50/50 based on adults. Or 60/40. That's fair and she'll get it when she has kids.

Chocolatemouse84 · 19/08/2019 13:18

Sounds like you need to just go on separate holidays. I can see why the activities bump the price up so much for you but I don't think she should be penalised for that.

put your foot down and say you are doing the cheaper haven and are sorry but she either goes separate or joins you on that

HaileySherman · 19/08/2019 13:20

Just be honest and tell her you can't afford it and you guys will need to do the cheaper option. Tell her you feel bad, but what can you do. If it is that important to her then she can offer to split the cost differently and tske on more themselves, but let her come to that on her own. She can hardly blame you for planning your holiday tsilored to your family needs, not her finances, right?

Summerunderway · 19/08/2019 13:23

Puzzled why a childless couple would consider any of the places mentioned tbh! We took dc to Haven @Craig Tara. Wasn't extortionate due to taking plenty of groceries! Ask dsis if she would be giving the dc spending money as otherwise it's a no.... Prices of activities online, show her the costs!

fedup21 · 19/08/2019 13:29

Why is your childless sister going to an activity holiday during term time?

Original poster

sailorcherries · 19/08/2019 13:37

She wants to, that's the only answer I can give.

OP posts:

Chloemol · 19/08/2019 13:39

Just tell her that you have worked out costs and you can’t afford the place and activities at center Paris but can afford haven so that’s what you will be booking. It’s then up to her decide if she wants to come or not

Stop pandering to her

DerelictWreck · 19/08/2019 13:40

But it's not a direct cost comparison for you. It's easy to say that the Butlins holiday is cheaper, but you're comparing a nice lodge with a Haven, so it's not as simple as saying your sister makes it more expensive.

You also don't have to spend a fortune at CP. self cater for most meals and make the most of the swimming pool/ walks/ cheaper activities etc

Boysnme · 19/08/2019 13:49

We always have this issue when in laws come with us to CP, and split 2/3 us 1/3 them. Ends up a ridiculously cheap holiday for them and a very expensive one for us.

This year we booked ourselves into a cottage near the Cairngorms. It was fab - we cooked in, chilled out and went for lots of walks and barely spent anything. We enjoyed it so much that we have rebooked for next year with in laws and a 50/50 split of the cost as our 2/3 split of a bigger cottage was costing more than if we just went on our own.

I’ve now learnt to just do and book what suits my family and if others want to tag along to what we are doing the can.

Knittedfairies · 19/08/2019 13:54

Chloemol has said everything I would have said.

Ginkypig · 19/08/2019 13:56

If you can afford that then don't book it!

Either you both are happy with the choice and the price and are splitting it as you both see fairly or you don't go on holiday together.

Neither of you are necessarily wrong in your opinions or wants or what you deem as affordable but if they don't match up there is no point because one of you will end up unhappy.

Ginkypig · 19/08/2019 13:58

Can't afford it that should have said! Or actually if you don't want to pay that as even if you can afford it you may not want to spend that amount.

whatsthecomingoverthehill · 19/08/2019 14:02

If you want to go to CP then it's fair that it's split 2/3-1/3. It's nothing to do with your sister whether you decide to pay for activities or not, and she still is saving you a fair bit (a 3 bed is not 50% more than a 2 bed).

But if you think that's too expensive still, or you would rather go somewhere else then don't do it.

If you're going to Haven why can't you share accommodation still?

MamaGee09 · 19/08/2019 14:04

We went a caravan holiday with sis in law, we needed one bedroom and they needed 2. We split the costs between how many adults were there so 2 in her family and 2 in ours. I wouldn’t have included the Kids in the split of money.

If you’re losing out the tell her it’s working out far too expensive then tell her you aren’t going to book it due to added costs,

Cwtches123 · 19/08/2019 14:12

Why aren't you just putting a stop to this daft idea?

Are you really going to go somewhere you don't want to and that will cost you more just because your sister wants a cheaper holiday?

Find a holiday you are happy with then extend the invitation to your sister if you are happy with including her. Don't let your sister dictate how you spend your money!!!!

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