Aibu to ask how to split holiday costs?

[sailorcherries]

After our to-ing and fro-ing over holidays we have decided to stay in the UK next year and we're looking at center parcs, haven, Butlins etc.
We did look at places such as Bluestone but with a toddler a 6+ hour drive was out the question. We live in the central belt of Scotland.

I had mentioned to my DSis that even those places seemed more expensive than last year and she agreed. She said that neither her or her fiance could afford a holiday next year, not even a week away at a lodge somewhere quiet. We need to go in school holidays.
She suggested we go together as it would be less expensive than separate and we can split up with the kids and so on. All agreed.

I told her that Haven or Center Parcs would be best as the other places we looked at didn't have the same facilities for a toddler and were very weather dependent - these places were less so.

We had a look at Center Parcs and DSis kept talking about how it was excellent as she always wanted to go but they couldn't afford even a midweek term time break but could now.

I, rather naively, asked about how we split the cost. DH and I have two kids, they would be alone, and we'd need a 3 bed place. I knew we would pay more and was happy to do so, depending on total cost.

Center Parcs came back at us spending almost £1000 (just less) and them spending less than half that. DSis was thrilled as it was almost £200 cheaper than her and her fiance going alone during term time. I said to her that the accommodation cost was okay but having looked the price of additional activities would really add up for the kids and we couldn't afford that. She doesn't have these additional costs.

She is adamant that she wants to go there. We could get a cheaper holiday, just DH and the kids, if we went to Haven but both her and her fiance would want their accommodation and it would cost them more.

It seems as though she is happy because she gets a cheaper holiday despite us paying more and she won't budge.
Wibu to say that if center parcs are her first choice then she should pay a little more towards the accommodation as both DH and I have explicitly said it's too expensive? We're at the point of just saying no, do your own thing.

whatsthatcoming and arethereanyleft we wouldn't be saving money as we have always ruled Center Parcs out as too expensive. We were happy with the Haven we went to before and would go with them but they wouldn't share a caravan and would want their own, costing them more.

Marigold it cost them more because they wanted either the penthouse one or a lodge, which bumped the price up compared to the regular studios.

They don't want anything that will cost them more and are happy to share with us if it benefits them, regardless of the impact on us.
I don't mind doing our own thing but before suggesting that I wanted to know if I was wbu in saying that we'd do Center Parcs the split is more fair as we would be saving them money, on the accommodation, and spending more than we initially wanted.

We did the haven site in north wales, lots of Scottish and Irish there because it was before England broke up (think we went on the 10th July) it was half price compared to the following week! Great for little ones and sightseeing trips a plenty if it takes your fancy (portmerion was great, train (or walk) up snowdon, we went to museums too but I had abandoned the kids with the grandparents at that point! We had a 3 bed apartment

This isn't about calling it off and not "having balls" it's about asking if this is an unreasonable ask before we do that.

I would make it simple:

"DSis, we can't afford CP. The only way we could is if we split the cost X for us and X for you, seeing as we have kids who aren't adults. [or you could look at the cost for a 2 bed and compare it that way, i.e if a 2 bed is 1300, they pay exactly half that, and you pay the extra that makes it the 3 bed?] If you do not think you can afford this then unfortunately we need to rule out CP. You're welcome to join us at Haven but let us know asap as we want to book before the price goes up'

Easy :)

OP so you have your answer. 1/3 and 2/3 is fair. If you can't afford that then it is fair for you to say it won't work for you. Even if you asked DSis to pay more than 1/3, say an extra £100, you would STILL be spending more than Haven so it still doesn't work. So that is the answer. It does not work for you so tell her.

You say that Dsis would be 'saving' £200. Well then there is no point her paying an extra £200 and then she may as well go without you. You said the whole reason she suggested going together was so everyone paid less. If you want her to pay that extra £200 then there is no benefit to her is there.

Op. The point is you would be saving money ON A CENTRE PARCS HOLIDAY if you spilt it with them.
Haven is cheaper than centre parcs.
If you would prefer to go to haven for £800, than centre parcs for £900, then do that.

You could go to your sister and say your accommodation budget is £800. Would they be prepared to pay an extra £100? They can say no or yes.
You can't go to your sister and say they're saving money and you're not; because you'd look a bit dim.

Personally, I would a million times over pay only £100 more for cp than haven; but that's entirely up to you.

Just do your own thing. I think the split is fair but its out of your budget.

This isn’t a problem - you want to spend less than £X on your holiday. You will book somewhere for less than £X total, with or without your sister.

Haven will cost £X for your family
CP with activities equivalent to Haven fur your family will cost £Y.

If your sister wants to come on holiday with you all to CP then she’ll need to pay a bit more to allow your family to stay in budget.

Yikes she suggested coming with us because it would save her money and we agreed, on the provision that it wasn't too expensive.
It is saving her money but costing us more to do what she wants.

For example the lodge we looked at would cost her £482 in total and cost us £966.
If she went on her own for that same week it would cost her £788. A few weeks before would cost her £638. And that is for the apartment she doesn't want, more realistically it would be £1488 or £1188 for the apartment they were interested in. They don't care about this apartment if they share a lodge.

They'd save a minimum of almost £200 up to £1000, sharing with us.

She can be as adamant as she likes that she wants CP, she can't make you go. You're perfectly reasonable to say that it's too expensive for you.

arethereanyleft your opinion on either site is neither here nor there.

We are not saving money because we were not interested in a CP holiday due to the accommodation and activities cost. She is interested in CP because she won't need to pay for her own caravan, as they don't want to share, should we go to Haven.

They don't want anything that will cost them more and are happy to share with us if it benefits them, regardless of the impact on us.

Are these really the kind of people you want to share your holiday with? They seem very selfish.

^she suggested coming with us because it would save her money and we agreed, on the provision that it wasn't too expensive.
It is saving her money but costing us more to do what she wants.^

So if it’s costing you more than it would otherwise then it’s fine to say no - because you only agreed on the proviso it wasn’t too expensive.

And she only agreed on the proviso that it saves her money, so that’s fine.

Of course the accommodation will cost your family twice as much - you have kids.

Does the 3-bed she wants cost more or less than a 2-bed at CP? That’s the key question.

we were not interested in a CP holiday due to the accommodation and activities cost

Then don’t agree to go to CP!

Tell her you’d rather do Haven - would she like to come?

Eggy they arent great when it comes to money but are fabulous in every other way.

We've been on a holiday before but no sharing of rooms so everyone paid their own price and that was that.

It would be about £100 cheaper for a two bed, so doing what the others have suggested they'd pay about £650 and we'd pay £750 (slightly more on each side but that's the general gist).

Both DH and I have already said we're more than likely going to say no to the whole idea due to cost, this was just a last resort.

By cancelling because of cost, it gives them the option to offer you more without asking. If they don't then you have your answer! I hope you book a lovely holiday regardless. We love center Parcs but only ever book one or two additional activities over the stay and self cater so doesn't add much to the cost for us.

You have a fair split already - I don't think you should instigate her paying more. 2/3, 1/3 seems very reasonable and in my mind the right way forward. You can't suggest anything more reasonable than this as there isn't anything more reasonable.

If that's still too much for you, tell her that. She has the option of offering more if she wants but can also choose not to. If she doesn't, make your own plans.

Completely reasonable for you to say that CP is too expensive for you to go, so it's a no from you guys.

We've just been to a haven and the kids had a wonderful time.

I was reading another thread about people who don't have televisions earlier and IMO Centre Parks is best suited to high earners who fall into that category and Haven to people who are happy to crack open the pick and mix and gather round Britain's Got Talent.

There were loads of extra paid for activities at Haven but they were good value - Segways, a high ropes course, swimming pool activities (£5-£20). Loads for free also - soft play, character shows, kids discos, evening entertainment.

You could look at Sun hols (I think they include Haven's as well as other sites)

Sunni we have been to Haven twice in the past and the kids have loved it.

We do a mix of paid and free activities but even those activities are more reasonably priced than center parcs. It means the kids could do 4-5 each as opposed to 1-2.

We don't mind the general Haven theme and the kids enjoy the night time disco bit and children's joining in activities. That's all we really need.

I'd just tell her that Haven is the better option for your family and that's what you're booking, as you simply can't afford the CP extra accommodation and activities costs. That gives her an opportunity to offer to pay more if she's adamant she wants to go to CP. If she doesn't offer then just book your own holiday and let herself and her Dp sort themselves. You're not responsible for their lack of funds to book their own holiday.

Surely this comes down on you initially suggesting CP as an option. In your OP you say a few times that CP was one of the options, and you finally gave your sister an option of CP it Haven. She has just gone with your choices - it’s you who is changing their mind. You are obviously perfectly entitled to do that, but to make out you are being pushed into something you never wanted is crazy.

It all just sounds like communication issues. You suggested CP, and she's gone with it. Just say you didn't realise how expensive it was going to be. It has the handy benefit of being the truth too.

DH and I had looked at CP for ourselves, and I had mentioned to sis in passing as a "you'll never guess how expensive CP was when we looked, bloody ridiculous!".

She then said about going together as it would bring costs down. I said fantastic, somewhere like Haven would have enough activities for kids and not too expensive when we looked.

She went away and messaged back with her and her partner not wanting haven as we would need to caravans and doesn't save them money but CP would only be X and would be less than we originally thought because we'd be sharing. I said no, too expensive. She said go for less days. I said still expensive for what it was. She said something along the lines of it being better.

I've been very clear throughout that CP is too expensive.