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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to ask how to split holiday costs?

82 replies

sailorcherries · 19/08/2019 12:52

After our to-ing and fro-ing over holidays we have decided to stay in the UK next year and we're looking at center parcs, haven, Butlins etc.
We did look at places such as Bluestone but with a toddler a 6+ hour drive was out the question. We live in the central belt of Scotland.

I had mentioned to my DSis that even those places seemed more expensive than last year and she agreed. She said that neither her or her fiance could afford a holiday next year, not even a week away at a lodge somewhere quiet. We need to go in school holidays.
She suggested we go together as it would be less expensive than separate and we can split up with the kids and so on. All agreed.

I told her that Haven or Center Parcs would be best as the other places we looked at didn't have the same facilities for a toddler and were very weather dependent - these places were less so.

We had a look at Center Parcs and DSis kept talking about how it was excellent as she always wanted to go but they couldn't afford even a midweek term time break but could now.

I, rather naively, asked about how we split the cost. DH and I have two kids, they would be alone, and we'd need a 3 bed place. I knew we would pay more and was happy to do so, depending on total cost.

Center Parcs came back at us spending almost £1000 (just less) and them spending less than half that. DSis was thrilled as it was almost £200 cheaper than her and her fiance going alone during term time. I said to her that the accommodation cost was okay but having looked the price of additional activities would really add up for the kids and we couldn't afford that. She doesn't have these additional costs.

She is adamant that she wants to go there. We could get a cheaper holiday, just DH and the kids, if we went to Haven but both her and her fiance would want their accommodation and it would cost them more.

It seems as though she is happy because she gets a cheaper holiday despite us paying more and she won't budge.
Wibu to say that if center parcs are her first choice then she should pay a little more towards the accommodation as both DH and I have explicitly said it's too expensive? We're at the point of just saying no, do your own thing.

OP posts:

CloserIAm2Fine · 19/08/2019 14:16

If it’s not beneficial to both of you to share the holiday then don’t do it. If it’s cheaper for you to go just you and DC then do that. They can sort themselves out.

Sorryandstressed · 19/08/2019 14:21

Just say you can't afford it

summersherewishiwasnt · 19/08/2019 14:23

Why are you considering paying for a holiday that you can’t afford in order to make it more affordable for your sister? You could spend he money on your children. It’s not doable, it’s a shame sister but we can’t afford to take the holiday you want.

kateandme · 19/08/2019 14:27

Boysnme what is the cottage.my family have been looking for one there for ever.and are forever opening new tabs with too many chooses and wont choose!

MamaBee3 · 19/08/2019 14:27

If you can’t afford it I would tell her you can’t go, maybe look for cheaper lodge holidays elsewhere. We had previously looked at Center Parcs but have always been put off by the additional cost of activities.

We almost always go on holiday with family, we’ve always split the accommodation costs per person (children and adults) we generally found although our share of the holiday would be more (4 of us and 2 of them) it still cost less then if it was just the 4 of us. Any extra activities or days out we paid for ourselves.

GiveMeHope103 · 19/08/2019 14:34

What's the problem ? Shes adamant but so what? Let her be adamant then, I fail to see what your big dilemma is just don't go then as it's so expensive for you? And she can be adamant till shes blue but so what?

zafferana · 19/08/2019 14:37

If you can't afford your share or don't want to stump up that much when you can get a cheaper break that will suit you just as well, then tell her that. I don't understand the hand wringing. I can see why the reduced cost would please her and her fiance, but if it doesn't please you, just say that it's too expensive and you're going to go with the Haven option.

ElstreeViaduct · 19/08/2019 14:41

Just say no. CPs' school hols prices are insane and it's simply not a sensible choice for anyone who is both struggling to afford a holiday and tied to school hols.

An alternative way of splitting it is to take the cost of a 4 bed and split that equally between the adults, then the couple with children pays the extra to upgrade from 2 bed cabin to 3 bed. Equivalent cabins for 4 are easy to find for CPs. However it sounds like your sis would be going in term time without you, so 1/3 is probably fair. I think you just need to stick to your guns. Of course she can't force you to pay for a holiday you can't afford.

Original poster

sailorcherries · 19/08/2019 15:27

I don't mind going with her. It was more an if she is adamant on going to CP would I be a CF for asking to resplit the cost in a fairer way, as she is the only one saving anything?

I have no issue saying no, just wanted to run that idea first.

She wouldn't go without us because it will be dearer for just the two of them, regardless of when they go.

OP posts:

FudgeBrownie2019 · 19/08/2019 15:30

Whenever we've gone away with friends and family costs are only ever split between adults, never children. If they're not happy with that they're welcome to holiday elsewhere without you.

whatsthecomingoverthehill · 19/08/2019 15:35

How is she the only one saving anything? How much would it cost you to get a 2 bed?

ElstreeViaduct · 19/08/2019 16:27

Well yes, if you're not saving anything then of course ask for a split that works for you both!

Tigerwhocamefortea · 19/08/2019 16:31

The saving isn’t really an issue and isn’t relevant.

Splitting 2/3 to 1/3 is fair, but if you can’t afford this then tell her you won’t be going and are booking somewhere else.

MarigoldGlove · 19/08/2019 16:37

How can it be more expensive for her to go during term time without you? It doesn’t make any sense at all. It’s much, much more expensive in the holidays.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 19/08/2019 16:38

I personally think it's a bit cheeky, if you can't afford your fair share, I'd personally just say no your budget is x and this exceeds it so its best to do something separately this year. Even for family in think it's a bit cheeky to ask them to subsidise you when both of you have a tight budget

MarigoldGlove · 19/08/2019 16:48

A week in the Easter holiday for a three bedroom lodge is £2100 and a week before the Easter holiday for one bedroom is £800.

Eyewhisker · 19/08/2019 16:49

Is the issue that you resent the split rather than the amount itself?

arethereanyleftatall · 19/08/2019 16:50

But you're saving money too! You can't compare centre parcs to haven!! Of course haven is cheaper, it's no where near as good; and doesn't pretend to be. Yabu, the 2/3 to 1/3 cost split is entirely fair. But, don't go if you don't want to.

Eyewhisker · 19/08/2019 16:54

If you can afford it, how about agreeing to the split, but asking for 1-2 nights babysitting?

BeanBag7 · 19/08/2019 16:55

"Our budget is £800 as that's how much a holiday would cost elsewhere. We dont want to pay more than £800 and center parcs would be £1000. Unless you're willing to make up the difference we will have to find somewhere else"

Amanduh · 19/08/2019 16:55

I’d compare Centre Parcs to Haven. Last time I went to Haven it was a million times better than Centre Parcs with more and cheaper activities plus evening entertainment for the little ones 🤷🏼‍♀️ 😂

Pippa12 · 19/08/2019 16:57

Ive done both centre parcs and haven. CP is ridiculously expensive, and bar the pool, there are no free activities. The lodges are nice, the pool is fun... and then you’ve got to start spending cash... and good god it’s expensive.

Haven have great standards of caravans, especially the platinum/prestige style. All facilities to self cater. Activities all day long, mostly free. There are the play grounds, soft play, swimming pools indoor and out and often close to a beach. Not to mention the night time entertainment both for children and adults. The caravans have DVD players and Bluetooth so you can play music from your phone if you wanted to stay in.

We’ve never returned to CP after going to Haven, the children love it.

sandragreen · 19/08/2019 16:58

CP is very expensive once you are there.

I would just tell her that on reflection CP isn't an option. If she doesn't want to go where you CAN afford then she and her fiance book their own trip or stay at home. You aren't responsible for her!!

If you have £1k to spend though on accommodation alone, why aren't you going abroad?

ButterflyOne1 · 19/08/2019 17:00

You get what you pay for in life.

If you go to CP, yes the activities are extra but you have the swimming pool for free, you can take your bikes, there are outdoor play areas. It's a fantastic place to go as a family.

Haven is horrible. You'll get lots of families who are generally homeless there as it's cheaper to pay for them to stay there for a few weeks than in a hostel.

We went to Camber Sands for a weekend last year and it was awful. I've never seen so many fat bellies and a cigarette hanging from their mouths whilst swearing at their kids.

It seems more the issue in splitting the costs. You need two rooms, your SiL needs one therefore 2/3 your pay and she pays 1/3.

TheBadCop · 19/08/2019 17:02

she wants to, that's the only answer I can give.

does it matter? why does your Dsis dictate your holiday. grow some balls and just call it off. I really don't get it. you want different things from a holiday at different times. it's a no brainer or am I missing something?

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