Feelings of guilt for only child

[Aimee3]

Anyone feel guilty about having an only child??

Nope!

Nope! I'm happy with my only child and count my blessings when I think there are so many people who want just that - a child - and cannot have one.

Sorry I probably should have been more specific. I have one son who is 5 and due to overwhelming anxiety and depression I terminated my second pregnancy in December last year. Since then I have such terrible guilt that my son is an only xx

Don’t feel guilty. You’ve done the best you can for your child.

Nope! DS is nearly 2 and I cannot explain how positive I am that I don’t want anymore. Sometimes I think will he miss out on a sibling but it wouldn’t be the right reason to have a baby and also no guarantee he would like his sibling. I am very happy with my choice and content I have made the right decision for us.

Nope. Thrilled to have her. She gets our undivided attention.

Although it does wind me up when I say this to other people and they say “oh he made you think never again then?” Which isn’t the case! I just haven’t once felt broody for another and DS is an absolute delight! When he was younger I use to feel guilty but I am past caring about the old “it’s not a proper family having just 1” because it is!

I'm on a lovely group on FB which has helped me to manage my feelings around being 'one and done' (OAD). come join us...'my first, my last, my everything'.

Sorry you’ve had such a difficult time. If you are still finding things hard please consider counselling, it’s great.
Only children can be just as well balanced and happy as those with siblings provided they get to meet other children and interact with them at an early age.
No need to feel guilt if you give your child lots of opportunities to play with his friends or whatever. Sometimes only children can thrive on the extra time and money their parents have for them. Those with siblings they can’t be bothered with will envy your child who doesn’t have an annoying brother or sister! There are two sides to everything! Relax. I’m sure you’re doing a great job.

My first child was stillborn and then I had several miscarriages before having my ds. We could have tried for a sibling for him, but I was afraid it would impact on my mental health and take a toll on my marriage. I decided that a happy mum in a stable marriage was more important to my child than the possibility of a brother or sister. You made a hard decision, don’t beat yourself up about it.

I second the FB group mentioned above. You shouldn't feel guilty, it's not selfish, he won't be lonely etc.

I feel terribly guilty all the time and wish I could change it. I know there are upsides to being an only one but I hate that my child would love a sibling to play with (I overheard her telling a classmate).
At the same time though, you have to balance it out with the importance of a healthy mother in a happy marriage I think.
I'm sorry you're in this spot

Elieza - thank you for your kind words.
Marmalady75 - I'm sorry for your losses and thank you also for your comments.

I have 2 and have a brother myself but my best friend is an only child. She has done very well academically and professionally, has a lovely husband, a brilliant circle of friends (if I do say so myself!) and is very close to her parents. She had all their time and attention to grow that relationship with them and to pursue her hobbies as a child and teenager. It was a lovely childhood.

I guess I just feel like a failure for not being able to cope with more than one child. But I chose my mental health at the time.

Aimee3, you will get over this, I promise.

Rachelover40 - 😘

I'm an only child in my 40s now. If it helps I loved it & had a fantastic relationship with both my parents. I grew up so loved & really don't feel any regrets for my childhood.
Please don't be sad for you or your child. I was given lots of love & the ability to be really self-sufficient.
Counselling might be useful if you want to explore your feelings more.

I know exactly how you feel. I had to have a TFMR with my child's sibling and then I split up with her father. I feel like I have really let my child down.

Fleebee - thank you for your kind words, you are all so lovely and supportive. It's so nice to know you are all out there xx

Nope

I had siblings, they weren’t playmates, just,bloody annoying. We get on OK as adults, but there’s absolutely nothing to say that if you did have another child they’d do anything but tolerate eachother. I do take the ‘I’d Love a sister‘ with a massive pinch of Salt. My dd (an only) also wanted, at various stages to be a cat, car and dinosaur.

And if anyone gives you any bullshit about how unfair you are being, remind them that you are saving the planet. The single most environmentally friendly thing you can do is not have that second child. That should shut up the sanctimonious shites.

RevealTheLegend - I love your honesty!

Yes. I’m one of three, and I adore my siblings. We are all different people but strong and supportive.

My daughter is an only because after one miscarriage which lead to a major hemorrhage, one second trimester miscarriage and one molar pregnancy leading to a long road of cancer testing etc. neither my husband nor I can face it again.

I so desperately want another baby, but I don’t want to deprive my existing child of a mother for it.

Your little boy will be just fine - you made the decision you needed to make for your wellbeing and therefore for his, which makes you a great mum and him a lucky boy!

I'm an only child too and if not having siblings is your norm, then you don't know any different, so you don't feel as if you are missing out nearly as much as people seem to think. I wouldn't have had the education or the opportunities that I had if I'd had siblings as my parents couldn't have afforded them for more than one child - so there are benefits as well as downsides to being an only one, just as there different pros and cons to having siblings.

My one word of advice would be to let your child choose their friends and to let them have alone time if they want it. My mum was convinced I'd be lonely and so frequently made me play with Melanie, who was also an only one and whose mum had similar concerns. We had nothing in common and did not particularly like each other, to this day I still think of her as "Smellanie" - so named because she got right up my nose!

I feel guilty on my first for having a second & feeling pushed out, & I feel guilty on my second that she doesn’t get the same amount of attention as her older sister did/does. So yeah, good old mum guilt seems to get you what ever you choose! Wouldn’t worry, I was an only child & loved it. So much attention 😂😁