Big fat horrible mess of a woman

[ExplosiveShits]

I’m sat here in black harem pants that are out of shape with a hole in. They’re also mucky. Why? Because they’re the only fucking trousers that fit me. I’m so fed up. I eat shit (I.e packet of crisps for breakfast) but don’t actually eat a lot. What I do do, is drink too much. I drink around 7 cans of bud light every Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. THATS probably why I’m such a fat mess. I look like a tramp. None of my clothes fit me anymore.

AIBU to think the majority of my fatness is due to how much I drink? I don’t even leave the house unless I have to as I’m so ashamed of how I look.

You posted yesterday in relation to another anxiety problem. See your GP, get referred to a therapist and get help.

Do you have some family support? Friends? It’s time to turn this around.

Good luck.

I know, I’m a total mess. I have no friends and no family support.

The realisation is a hard pill to swallow.
Do you feel you can stop the drinking or do you believe you may be an alcoholic? How much do you have in the house at the moment?

Stop saying mean things about yourself! You wouldn’t say those things about anyone else (I hope!) and you won’t start looking after yourself better if you keep being so critical. Practise kindness OP, to yourself, there will be great features you have, internal and external, find them and focus on them.

The booze won’t be helping your weight, no, why are you drinking so much?

But yourself clothes that fit and make you feel good. Something comfortable and colourful.

Head to the weight loss board for some support if you’d like to make changes but to start with you deserve to have clothes which fit and are comfortable and clean and to remember you’re a person, with feelings, and a body which deserves your love and compassion.

Order clothes online if you can’t face the shops.

I’m not sure if I can stop. DH cracks open the cans every Thursday night and offers me one. If I lived alone I’d just stop buying them. DH can have 2 cans and stop. I can’t. Once I start I carry on until I physically can’t drink anymore (usually because I’ve fallen asleep)

Can you be referred to a dietitian and join a gym. You will make like minded friends there who would support your current situation.

Give yourself a chance. The more you attack yourself, the worse things will get. Get your needle and thread out and sew up the hole, or if you don’t have them, go out in your clothes as they are. Anyone who says anything doesn’t matter. Go to your doctors. Ask for help.

You need to think about some self care. Where did you get the Harem trousers? Get a couple more pairs - order them online and pick express delivery.
And yes cutting down on beer/ alcohol will deffo help, your weight AND your mood as alcohol is a depressant. If the idea of cold turkey is too much for you then perhaps cut down on the drinking nights? Just Friday Sat or cut down on the amount per day?
Throw the crisps out and get done decent food in ( making yourself go out to actually buy crisps or biscuits or whatever means you actively decide to have them and aren’t eating out of boredom) something easy like muesli or porridge for breakfast, almond or soy milk. Something to curb your hunger when you wake up so you don’t immediately reach for what’s to hand. Or eggs - really filling.
Be kinder to yourself, it’s all fixable.
Personally i’d Focus on the alcohol first, that amount regularly will make you tired, slightly hung over, sluggish. A week off entirely will really help clear your head.

I did have a gym membership but I hated it. It was £55 a month and only a 5 minute drive away but I never used to go. I’m just too lazy and don’t like being around people. I was stressing out all day yesterday because my friend was coming around to borrow something ... I just don’t want to see anyone.

From the title I was expecting to be saying stop being so bitchy about some poor woman, nobody deserves to be spoken to like that. In fact I'm going to say it anyway, especially as you meant yourself!

Please be kind to yourself. The drinking/eating crap isn't really the problem, it's a symptom. Please consider getting some help for the underlying issues and the rest should get easier.

Good luck

Alcohol will play a huge part. I'm alcohol dependant. I managed a few weeks off it recently and dropped huge amounts of weight purely from no longer drinking.

Sounds like you need to talk to your DH and explain that you want to cut out the booze for a while and ask him to not offer you any ( he could buy his 2 cans only) or ask him not to bring alcohol in the hse at all.
I did 100 alcohol free days recently and it’s TRANSFORMED my life and attitude to drinking. I just told everyone that I was doing it as a health kick thing and no-one tried to offer me alcohol.

Can you not explain to your husband that you have a drinking problem and can you both not bring alcohol into the house.
You can speak to the GP and reach out to Alcohol support groups

There’s a woman on YOuTube - Joanna Soh who has loads of work outs for overweight people - they’re really good as she’s aware of how much harder it can be on your joints etc.
You can do those at home and start the ball rolling...

Is your DH supportive? If so, I'd ask him to start off by just buying you 4 cans on them nights and gradually cut it down.

Alcohol definitely piles on the weight. I hear you though. I'm the heaviest I've ever been and have started a diet this week and decided to cut out alcohol for a few weeks to give a good luck start. I only have a few things that fit and hate my muffin top.

You will start to feel better if you cut down on the booze and eat better.

It’s hard to admit to anyone that you have an issue with alcohol - especially our DPs sometimes. I found it easier to have 100 days ‘off’ and make that a goal rather than admit I had lost control over my drinking.

I'm in a slightly similar position. Recommend reading or listening to the kindness method.

The unexpected joy of being sober is a great book. Very readable and resonated a lot with me. Personal story of a woman who very nearly wrecked herself with booze. And then quit and found life was so much better. It's very inspiring.

Best of luck on your journey OP.

Get yourself out and do a walk. Even if it just around the block. Do this everyday. I find that even being a little more active makes me want to eat better etc. Before long the exercise good vibes will hit you and you will start feeling better about yourself. That will encourage you to do longer walks and hopefully eat better/ drink less. Don’t worry about what you are wearing when you go for a walk..... I’ve just gone out in a terrible outfit (I hate wearing trousers!) but nobody batted an eyelid.

Op I could have written similarI tried in all my clothes and everything was tight, uncomfortable or just plain no longer fitted. I've been feeling "heavy" for a while but yesterday was a wake up. I've been doing couch to 5k which is helping but I decided to stop drinking wine and to only drink on a fri/sat. I've also switched to gin and slimline tonic.

I lost a stone and a half through slimming world a few years ago so I'm basing my eating on those principles with a bit of the fast800 thrown in Monday to Friday. It's early days but I already feel a lot better, last night I had a gins and then a cup of tea-unheard of on a Saturday night! I've dug out several outfits that DO fit nicely and will be wearing those until I start to fit into my clothes again.

Could you drink lager shandies with diet lemonade to start with? That way you're making a small change but immediately halving your alcohol intake. I suspect it's a habit rather than a problem which was the case with me.

As for the crisps, I don't buy them at all. Not even for the kids.

Be kind to yourself OP. You CAN do this.

This may sound stupid but I am also a "pour and refill" girl. I found that making an evening pot of herbal tea and pouring and refilling my cup fulfils the same instinct and makes me feel like I am not missing out at all...

I read your update that you don't have friends, family or support. So then got a surprise when you mentioned a husband. You don't count him as family or support? Is he contributing to your low self-worth? When did this all start? You need to work out the emotional root of the problem before tackling the effects, in my opinion. Do you work? Have DC? You'd probably benefit from some vitamin and mineral supplements if you've been eating a non-nutritional diet for a while. They might help boost your mood and energy levels in order to take action.
Don't underestimate the effect food and drink has on your mood.

Type Radio 1 Booze Calculator into google. It converts the alcohol you’ve consumed into food. That put me off drinking as well as reading about liver damage.

It can also ruin your skin, especially on your face.

You wouldn't say something so horrible about another woman, don't say it about yourself. You have a drinking problem and mental health issues. Be kind to yourself and seek help.