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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Big fat horrible mess of a woman

87 replies

ExplosiveShits · 18/08/2019 10:22

I’m sat here in black harem pants that are out of shape with a hole in. They’re also mucky. Why? Because they’re the only fucking trousers that fit me. I’m so fed up. I eat shit (I.e packet of crisps for breakfast) but don’t actually eat a lot. What I do do, is drink too much. I drink around 7 cans of bud light every Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. THATS probably why I’m such a fat mess. I look like a tramp. None of my clothes fit me anymore.

AIBU to think the majority of my fatness is due to how much I drink? I don’t even leave the house unless I have to as I’m so ashamed of how I look.

OP posts:

Funghi · 18/08/2019 12:07

Is it 7 cans per night or stretched out over the weekend?

Is this affecting your work life?

catspyjamas27 · 18/08/2019 12:11

Alcohol will definitely contribute to weight gain. I can testify this - my tipple of choice is wine which is also hugely calorific. You don't feel it creeping up on you until suddenly your bloated and miserable and your clothes don't fit. It hasn't stopped me drinking altogether but I have cut down. Maybe you need to take baby steps and gradually reduce the amount you drink.

If you hate the gym then go out for walks. Get an exercise bike or treadmill for your house. Do anything that gets you moving.

I don't believe I'm alcohol dependent but I do have some terrible habits when it comes to drinking and eating for that matter. When it gets to the weekend I become a gluttonous pig. This weekend I've had two takeaways and three bottles of wine not to mention snacks and chocolate. But I do try and drink plenty of water and go on some long walks to help balance it out.

It's about breaking cycles and habits and doing more things that make you feel happier and healthier x

MiddleLane · 18/08/2019 12:13

No one can change but you.

You've identified you're overweight and drink too much, so you need to stop drinking, eat healthier food and exercise.

Will it be easy? Hell no.
Will it be worth it? Oh my God, yes.

Kewlwifee · 18/08/2019 12:14

Switch to a clear spirit like Vodka.

IncrediblySadToo · 18/08/2019 12:14

I’m sorry you’re feeling so utterly crap about yourself.

It’s not easy to make changes when you feel so crap, it all seems like too much effort.

How’s your relationship with your DH? How does he feel about your drinking?

I hope one/some of the posts resonates with you and you feel able to start making some changes or getting some help.

FWIW you sound nice and I wish there was more I could do/say to help, but I hope you can help yourself 🌷

S1naidSucks · 18/08/2019 12:15

Your partner is enabling your drinking problem - and it is a problem if it's interfering with your life to a significant degree. In fact, he's encouraging it and sabotaging any attempts you make at recovery. He likely prefers you being unwell as it makes you more controllable.

I was concerned when I read that bit about the OP’s partner opening the can and handing it to her, when he’s obviously aware that she’s actually drinking until she passes out. That’s the truth of the matter, OP. You’re actually drinking until you can no longer drink or stay awake and it’s pretty horrifying that your partner is actively encouraging this.

What does he say when you tell him how you feel about yourself? Does he by any chance, encourage you to finish the last few chocolates in a box or generously give you the last bit of pizza, cake, etc?

Senac32 · 18/08/2019 12:17

You've done well to come out into the open about your problems. So many of us know someone the same, or have the problem ourselves.
Another point about getting your calories from alcohol - your body is deprived of the healthy foods which keep you alive.
Try to have one really healthy meal a day, not chips etc. Some fresh veg and fruit, wholemeal bread, some protein like cheese or cooked ham or fish. It's easier in summer.
I daren't mention salad .

EffYouSeeKaye · 18/08/2019 12:21

My plan would be:

Throw out all the junk food. Do a healthy online shop. Eggs, stir frys, grapes etc - all easy stuff to cook / eat with minimal effort.

Ask dh to support you and either quit the beer as well or just have two cans in for himself.

Go out for a walk every day. As fast a pace as you can manage.

YouTube fitness video 3x per week.

You will get results very quickly and break the cycle you are stuck in.

Good luck op

PuffHuffle5 · 18/08/2019 12:23

Ok, so you’ve had your moment of self pity and being angry with yourself - we all need that from time to time - but be kind to yourself now OP. Even if you don’t eat much, eating crisps for breakfast really isn’t great as is drinking too much. Rather than focusing on how your not happy with yourself and putting yourself down, focus on being kind to yourself - that includes body and mind (healthy food and kind thoughts). You feel out of control, but you can take control of this if you want to - seek medical advice and help if necessary.

timshelthechoice · 18/08/2019 12:24

I didn't loose weight when I quit drinking but I never really drank much. I think you should start by focusing on that. Have you considered trying cannabis oil for your anxiety? It works a treat on mine!

LimitIsUp · 18/08/2019 12:24

It's definitely the alcohol. 100% of my excess weight is alcohol. I am fortunate however that dh doesn't really drink at all so I don't need to have it in the house; so recently I have found the resolve not to buy it and there is none at home. I am like you though - I really enjoy alcohol and if it is readily available I will drink it

If you can get help to resolve the alcohol issue, your weight will start to reduce and you will have the energy for complementary measures like diet and exercise. It may help your mood too as alcohol is a depressive. Prioritise getting help with the alcohol in the first instance.

BobbieBrewster · 18/08/2019 12:26

In another thread you talk about having bought a puppy. Try to get yourself out of the house more (even for very short walks) with the dog.

Mummy0ftwo12 · 18/08/2019 12:28

I agree with the poster about it being self-medicating, is that for anxiety? bored? depressed? are you able to think about replacing it with a healthier alternative? Is there something that might help - I've recently discovered the Breathe Think [[https://www.stopbreathethink.com/]] app, its free and combines mindful meditation for different moods, acupressure and yoga.

LimitIsUp · 18/08/2019 12:28

And as an 'all or nothing' drinker I would suggest you go teetotal since cutting back doesn't work in the long term - from experience, even if you achieve drinking less frequently and in smaller quantities it will creep back up again

Newschapter · 18/08/2019 12:33

Op, you need to ask your partner not to bring alcohol into the house. And he needs to listen to you.

A family member and his wife were both alcohol dependant. He acknowledged it and quit - his wife kept bringing alcohol into the house, drinking it behind his back, taunting him so that he'd leave the house and come to some family members.

She finally decided to cut back but the damage was done. She died of chirossis of the liver at the age of 42.

It is so sad because she was finally starting to get her life turned around.

He doesn't drink any more either but if they'd supported each other far sooner or could have all been different.

Newschapter · 18/08/2019 12:35

The way I have written that looks like he just decided to quit and did it no bother. That wasn't the case, he got lots of family support, GP & AA.

GrannyHaddock · 18/08/2019 12:38

OP, I agree with News. You have to ask your partner to help here and not drink at home. Surely he can do this for you, when you are so unhappy.

thedancingbear · 18/08/2019 12:39

Sorry, but how the fuck is the OP's alcoholism her partner's fault? She has her own free will and he is drinking far less than she is.

Only on MN.

Lobsterquadrille2 · 18/08/2019 12:47

Hi OP, definitely agree with PPs that you sound depressed and that your GP can help with this. Regarding alcoholism, GPs are often not really versed in this and are likely to recommend cutting down or going to AA. I'm an AA advocate but appreciate that it's not for everyone - and also that not all heavy drinkers are necessarily alcoholics. It's the inability to stop after two drinks and drinking to blackout that indicates that you could be.

When I sponsor in AA, I recommend an app called Joe and Charlie which you can listen to in chunks. You don't have a believe in God. That's just if you feel powerless.

The drink will be contributing to your overall feelings and your weight, but you don't have to change everything at once. Please confide in your DH and enlist his support.

proseccoaficionado · 18/08/2019 12:51

First of all, you need to stop talking about yourself like this. You're a human being, you're worthy of love and respect.

how about you ask your Dh for help? Just tell him everything you said on here. Then take small steps: get help for anxiety, start walking if you can't go to the gym, try reduce the drinking a bit

feelingverylazytoday · 18/08/2019 13:16

thedancingbear it's not her partner's fault. Personally though I would question why he buys so much if he knows his wife is going to drink that amount every night. He must be aware that is beyond safe limits, and his wife is putting her health at risk. To carry on supplying her (assuming she's not coercing him into it) does indicate he's enabling her. Some people cannot keep alcohol in the house, same as some people cannot keep crisps and sweets in the house, because they're addicted and can't resist temptation.
OP, you need to talk to your husband. You may be able to gradually reduce your alcohol to a safe level, but you're going to need his support to do this. If you can't cut down or stop drinking then you must see your doctor.
I agree with going for walks, I walk a lot now and it's really improved my mental and physical well being.
Also, there are a lot of companies that sell clothes online, very nice fashionable clothes in all sizes. If you can afford it buy 2 or 3 nice outfits in your favourite colours, something that will make you feel good when you see them. If you feel up to it, do your hair and put a bit of make up on if you wear it, do your nails, whatever makes you feel better.
You can turn this around, you really can, it's just taking small steps.

growlingbear · 18/08/2019 13:21

Hi Explosive,

Go to a big supermarket and buy two new pairs of comfortable clean trousers in your current size and two new tops. Make sure they mix and match. They can be cheap as chips but you must like the tops and feel comfortable in the trousers.

And while you're there, buy a few packs of alcohol free beer. These beers are lower calorie than real beer and you won't have such hangovers, which make you crave rubbish food. If they are chilled then when your DH reaches for the real beer, you'll have something ready to enjoy to stop you from boozing the weekend away.

Also buy a few healthy unprocessed foods you know you love that are easy to eat - even if it's just a few bananas and apples. Before you start dieting, make sure you're including 5 a day.

jamoncrumpet · 18/08/2019 13:24

YABU for drinking Bud Lite, it's vile stuff. At least have proper IPA or APA.

MarianaMoatedGrange · 18/08/2019 13:36

If you're having explosive shits, that will be the excessive alcohol coupled with not eating much. Most of your problems can be alleviated by simply quitting booze. Lots of help for this out there. It is well known that alcohol is a depressant and highly addictive. As a pp said - get some new, cheap, basic clothes. That will help your self esteem, having new clean clothes to wear.

lawnmowingsucks · 18/08/2019 13:37

You're not horrible nor are you a mess

You're simply on the wrong life path for you and you're going to change that with our help - and hopefully your DHs help too

Stop all alcohol for 4 weeks

Post here when it gets tough and drink lots of water or water and cordial instead

Buy two pairs of trousers and two tops which fit which will help you feel less slobby

Try to eat more fruit and veg and stick to 1800 calories a day

Walk 30 minutes every day as fast as you can

Do all the above for 4 weeks. Post here for help and support

Your new life is just about to start

Congratulations

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