Big fat horrible mess of a woman

[ExplosiveShits]

I’m sat here in black harem pants that are out of shape with a hole in. They’re also mucky. Why? Because they’re the only fucking trousers that fit me. I’m so fed up. I eat shit (I.e packet of crisps for breakfast) but don’t actually eat a lot. What I do do, is drink too much. I drink around 7 cans of bud light every Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. THATS probably why I’m such a fat mess. I look like a tramp. None of my clothes fit me anymore.

AIBU to think the majority of my fatness is due to how much I drink? I don’t even leave the house unless I have to as I’m so ashamed of how I look.

Where abouts are you? Most citiies have an alcohol and addiction service in place, but you may need to be referred by your GP. In England you can self refer.

I recently sought help for my dependence on alcohol and I've experienced nothing but good things from them.

From my GPs, yeah not so much.

3 things that jump out at me.

1. Yes, drinking causes weight gain - that's why men are referred to as having a beer gut. Alcohol has a lot of calories. I read once that a standard drink is the same as a decent sized slice of bread. You're effectively eating 7 pieces of toast 4 nights a week.

1. Your partner is enabling your drinking problem - and it is a problem if it's interfering with your life to a significant degree. In fact, he's encouraging it and sabotaging any attempts you make at recovery. He likely prefers you being unwell as it makes you more controllable. I would strongly suggest you consider leaving him.

1. Your name suggests digestive problems. Have you tried a low FODMAP diet? This could also prove to reduce some intolerance related bloating and water retention and make you more comfortable.

Being healthier may help with the anxiety which also can be a symptom of physical illness getting rid of your enabling partner will also help a great deal.

...And I've recently called myself a big fat mess, a terrible parent and a waste of space.

It's all just bollocks created by the depressive mass of your brain under the influence.

Lovely, you sound depressed to me. And clearly the alcohol is an issue.

Don't try to "fix" yourself, you need professional help to make the changes you need. Get an appointment with your GP. Preferably a double appointment, as the drinking and the depression are separate issues.

And get yourself some new trousers!

Why don't you just buy 2 cans each for those nights? Then you cannot drink more. Your husband only wants 2 cans so he should be fine with that.

Do it for a few weeks and then see if you can cut it down to 2 nights a week instead of 4.

I think you’re possibly self-medicating something here. I don’t think anyone loves every tiny little thing about themselves but you sound abusive of yourself.

I think you need to see the doctor about your low mood even if you don’t feel you can bring up your weight or alcohol intake. It’s really hard to pull yourself out of that kind of fug without support - medically or spiritually. If you can get that on an even keel any other steps you want to take might be that bit easier.

Do you spend a lot of time on the Internet? No judgement because I do too, but there’s a lot to be said for detoxing from technology and physically doing something even if it’s picking up a book.

You are an alcoholic. You need to see your GP and ask for help.

Not being able to control your drinking even if is only on certain nights a week is a sign you have a drinking problem.

Drinking till you pass out is a sign of a drink issue.

Go to your GP and ask for help.

It's the pits when you feel like shit, YouTube has some brilliant workout videos so you don't need to pay an expensive gym membership. I'd definitely drop the larger drinking, it's absolutely full of sugar. When I'm feeling chunky I order cheap clothes from Asda, a few new different outfits makes you feel loads better.

My friend joined AA. The support is incredible. She hasn't had a drink for several years but never misses. She has a mentor. It's like having a personal counsellor and she has made friends from the group

Tell your husband how you are feeling. You need him to support you in this. Talk to him about how he can help you. For a start, he needs to only buy four cans at a time. He has his two and then there’s only two left for you. Have those two and then that’s it, there’s no more. He doesn’t go to the shop, however much you beg, whine, shout, ask nicely. You don’t have any cans Monday-Wednesday, so you’re obviously not dependent so you’ll be fine with only two the other days. After a few weeks of this, you will have reduced your intake by 20 cans a week so the weight should start coming off. It will be slow but it will happen. Be patient.

Stop buying crisps or chocolate or biscuits in multipacks. Don’t put them in your shopping. If you want a packet of crisps, walk to the shop and get one. One. It’ll taste so much better if you aren’t just eating it mindlessly, but you had to make the effort. Don’t make the excuse that you need to have snacks in for the kids, you don’t. They don’t need crisps, biscuits etc. Neither does your husband. They’ll moan, but they won’t die. If you drink full sugar pop or squash, stop that too and switch to diet. Just make changes you can cope with for now, healthy eating can come later.

Exercise as a weight loss tool is massively overrated. Going to the gym whilst shoving down kebabs will never ever make you any thinner. Going to the gym once a week for an hour and spending an hour in the cafe afterwards won’t make you any thinner either. Weight loss is about 95% nutrition and 5% exercise. However exercise will tone you up and release your happy hormones. Swimming is best for fat people as it doesn’t put any strain on your joints. Aqua-fit and things like that are a good laugh too, and in spite of what you are thinking, you will not be the largest lady in the pool I promise you.

Get yourself a new outfit. Boohoo have a million pairs of nice black stretchy trousers for about £6 so order a few different ones and try them on at home with an assortment of tops. Returns are dead easy. Buy them for the size you are now, so you have something that makes you feel nice, but that’s cheap enough to send to the charity shop when you start losing weight.

Most importantly, see your GP and get help for your anxiety. It sucks but you don’t have to feel like this. There is help available. Hugs.

OP that R1 tool is an.eye opener. I just calculated that 1.5 bottles of wine equates to 4-5 burgers!

Anyway, I just want to reach out and give you a handhold across the internet. You're NOT disgusting. You've decided you are, I thought that about myself for a long time too.
Kindness to yourslwf matters so much. What started with me was quick wins such as buying a nice facial scrub, experiments with make up etc.

Deep down I wanted to get better and I believe you do too.

I am on one of the weight loss chats and have found it really helpful and supportive.

there is also the Braves Battle Bus in the Relationships boards which helps people who want to cut down or cut out alcohol.

I agree with PP you should see your GP.

Also - yes, what sort of support are you getting from your DH? Is he helping or hindering any progress you could make? Do you work? Do you have DC? How old are you?

I second the suggestion of AA. It's not for everyone - it seems to have a negative image for some people - but it's NOT full of religious kooks like some seem to think.

I started going to meetings as a rock-bottom alcoholic who was on the verge of losing everything. As the AA literature says (apologies for this, I'm aware it sounds like I'm spouting propaganda!), I found courage, strength and hope, and ultimately made a circle of wonderful supportive friends who loved me until I could love myself.

It sounds to me like you could really do with that sort of support. Give it a try.

Your post makes me so sad! Please please stop the drinking first off. I can't comment whether you're overweight or not, but don't call yourself a fat mess. Alcohol is NEVER a good thing for people who suffer from depression, which it appears you do. You may feel quite a bit different just eliminating alcohol. Then work on healthy eating and activity. You can do it!

@ExplosiveShits

You are not lazy. You have anxiety by the sounds of it. I totally get the not wanting to go to the gym thing too. Not everyone enjoys it. I have started doing workouts at home using online workouts. Maybe you could try that too? Or sky or amazon might have something similar? Once you've dropped a few pounds I be you'll feel better. Also (and I'm prepared to be slammed for this), but I don't think a few bud lights is anything to worry about. The crisps should go in the bin though. Sounds like you've reached a point where you've had enough but look on that as a good thing. And don't force yourself into shops when you're not ready. The internet is a wonderful thing!! xxx

Christ. 4 burgers and a slice of pizza last night according to that calc.

I am reading replies, will post back in a bit x

Go to your GP and tell them what you've said here or write it down.

It's hard at first to shift habits but once you start it gets easier so you can change.
Does your gym have some classes like 'clubbersize' (dancing and no one cares how out of step you are) or aqua fit to get you into the habit? Our gym has an area for people who've never exercised or got out the habit and they do a 30min session. It's popular as they don't have to be next to the gym lycra pros and feel inferior.

Also what about walking your local park run on a Saturday morning? There's several who go round with the tailwalker at the ones I go to. Was talking to 1 who started out walking and took 58mins. Now jogging it in 38mins.

I also find planning exercise for the morning means I don't drink the night before as the 2 don't mix.

It's horrible hating yourself but you can make small changes which lead to larger lifestyle changes. But do get the support of your GP. They can help.

Whoops misread that- 7 cans a night is a bit excessive but you have to try and be kind to yourself.

I think you need to see your GP before you do anything else. You can’t start on the other stuff until you can sort your mental health. When you feel so bad, even looking at a video on fitness can seem too much.

You can get support for the drinking from there too, I hope.

My mum eats like a bird... literally next to nothing all day. If she has a rare hot meal she "won't need to eat" for at least another day. But she drinks from waking in the morning until she gets too tired in the evening (although often brings a beer to bed). She is in denial about her alcoholism which has existed about 13 years now. Please please please get help while you're able to recognise that you're unable to stop and it's a problem xx

THATS probably why

Can you download something like the My Fitness Pal (MFP) app to your phone and for a week, enter your details (sex, weight, height etc) and select to maintain current weight and then eat normally and input every little thing that week that passes your lips.

At the end of the week have a look. It takes around 3,500 calories to lose/gain a lb. You should be able to see how much an issue you have and it will confirm to you where the problems are. Once you know you can think about how it would be best for you to deal with.

OP please get yourself some new clothes, you need and deserve to feel better to be able to make changes

I was my skinniest when I walked my dog everyday. Every day come rain or shine. Also completely cut out the bud light it's not diet it's full of calories. Try something low sugar like soda water not tonic and gin. Wine is bad too. You need to swap your full fat crisps to diet ones if you can't give them up. Soup is very comforting when you are down and fills you up nicely. I would see a Dr though you sound depressed and upset that will make everything look bad. I weirdly know when I'm depressed when a crack in the ceiling looks massive and I worry about it other better days it looks manageable and I don't care. I hope you feel better soon.

Often with food it's quality, not quantity. But I suspect this is deeper than diet. Our worth isn't defined by weight. I hope you can pull through this and start to feel better about yourself. Best wishes to you.

I knew from the thread title this post would be about the person posting because no one would be that unkind about someone else. So definitely be kinder to yourself.