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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I think DD (just turned 14) might be being groomed on instagram...

78 replies

TrigglyPufff · 18/08/2019 09:16

Don't have time to NC as this is happening as I write, I just hope this very personal thread doesn't get published in a bloody tabloid.

So DD has just turned 14. She is quite a quiet girl and doesn't have a busy social life, she's quite shy. She and all her friends have Instagram and there has never been anything untoward. Our accounts are separate but linked so I can access hers.

Yesterday she receives a message from a '15 year old Italian boy' asking if they can chat. There are only 4 photos on his page, it all seems a bit dodgy. So they chatted fairly innocently for a while. She seems really exited to have a boy to talk to. She is naive for her age. He messaged her last thing last night then fort thing this morning, he's now saying he'd like to meet up and could come to England and that he thinks she's 'different' and 'kind'.

AIBU and massively overreacting?

OP posts:
Original poster
TrigglyPufff · 18/08/2019 09:17

She doesn't know I know, she's at her fathers house at the moment and I plan to talk to her when she gets back.

OP posts:
Rethymnon · 18/08/2019 09:18

No you’re not overreacting OP. Block, block, block and a serious talk about people on the internet not being who they purport to be..

Original poster
TrigglyPufff · 18/08/2019 09:20

Should I report it to CEOP?

OP posts:
LeekMunchingSheepShagger · 18/08/2019 09:21

No not overreacting. Time for a serious chat about talking to strangers on the internet!

MrsSpenserGregson · 18/08/2019 09:21

Yikes.

A large part of me would want to just block him before DD got home, without telling her .... but yes, obviously you need to have a conversation with her.

What exactly is dodgy about his photos? Does he look older than 15, or do you suspect that he's using someone else's photos?

Is your DD's Instagram account a private account? How did he find her?

Spinderellacutituponetime · 18/08/2019 09:21

Why don’t you make her have a private account at 14?

MrsSpenserGregson · 18/08/2019 09:22

YANBU or overreacting btw

Sooverthemill · 18/08/2019 09:22

I think she should make her account private and block this boy. You need to explain that Instagram at her age should just be about chatting with mates or looking at other people ( so I suppose following a pop star she likes) but not getting touch with people you don't know and vice versa

herculepoirot2 · 18/08/2019 09:24

Dodgy as fuck.

Original poster
TrigglyPufff · 18/08/2019 09:24

She does have a private account, he messaged her. When she first got her account we had a long chat about not accepting anyone she doesn't know. I think she just assumes it's completely innocent.

He just has a few photos from last year of places and then two of himself which look like he could have got them from someone else.

OP posts:
TeaKettleBell · 18/08/2019 09:25

Send her this

Original poster
TrigglyPufff · 18/08/2019 09:27

It's so sad and horrible, he said "I don't like most of the people my age now. But I think you're different" and she replied "Really! In what way?". It looks so textbook.

OP posts:
norbert23 · 18/08/2019 09:30

Can you use his photos to do a google image search and see if they've been taken from another person? X

abitoflight · 18/08/2019 09:31

I think I once did a reverse image search on pics on IG that I thought were not really pertaining to that persons life?
Maybe try that? May well be using other people's pics?

TregunaMekoides · 18/08/2019 09:33

Can you try reverse image look up to see if the images are found elsewhere on the internet? It would go towards your case when speaking to her.
YANBU at all and I unfortunately think you are spot on but you have to handle this with kid gloves as I worry her first reaction will be to feel embarrassed and an invasion of privacy that you've seen their chat. If you can expose him straight away as a fraud re the pictures then it will help.
Good luck Flowers

Missingstreetlife · 18/08/2019 09:34

Is her dad sensible? Let him know if she's staying with him. Block and report this creep

TregunaMekoides · 18/08/2019 09:34

Cross posted! Great minds 👍

IScreamForIceCreams · 18/08/2019 09:34

Red flags all over. When was his account created, does he have followers, who does he follow etc. If it was created recently, only 4 pics etc....I'd say block him, do image search on google.

Thingsdogetbetter · 18/08/2019 09:35

His English seems too good. And the 'you're different' is a red flag we were made aware of in safeguarding training? Making her feel special. It's a lead in to 'you're more mature' which in turn leads to sexual content.

Has he any other social media? Reverse find the pictures to see if he's download from internet.

If you told her she wasn't allowed to accept people she didn't know, she has broken the rules. You need to make it clear the rule has been broken and she stops contact and blocks now or she deletes the account.

Original poster
TrigglyPufff · 18/08/2019 09:36

How do I do a reverse image search?

OP posts:
MollyButton · 18/08/2019 09:37

It's so sad and horrible, he said "I don't like most of the people my age now. But I think you're different" and she replied "Really! In what way?". It looks so textbook.

I think that is a key thing to talk to her about - it is such a general red flag! Whenever someone says something like :"I don't really connect with most people/girls, but you are really different".
You need to point out just how suspicious that is in all circumstances.
"I don't really connect" is immediately isolating. Don't expect the other person to introduce you to a group of friends. they are actually telling you both that they consider themselves to be superior and that they isolate themselves.
"You are really different" - first response should be Really? Just how is she different from hundreds of other girls? (She might not be able to see this, but if she can it is a great protective quality - my DD and I joke about how her feelings are "totally unique and unlike anything anyone else has ever felt".)
Again it is language that is trying to isolate her. And trying to get her to accept her place in an ivory tower.

And this kind of language is used not just by sexual predators but also Cults and Radical organisations.

Could you enquire with her father if she is okay or he has noticed anything different about her?

DogsandBoysmeanMud · 18/08/2019 09:38

Nip it in the bud, block straight away. Then show your daughter the video link that someone sent, it's very good. But also more education is important she needs to realise she has the whole world in her hand and there are some very nasty people.

Original poster
TrigglyPufff · 18/08/2019 09:39

What if he does it to someone else?

OP posts:
Topsecretidentity · 18/08/2019 09:40

How do I do a reverse image search?

Download the image. Google, image search. And then upload the image to Google's image searcher to see if it's elsewhere on the internet.