Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

I think DD (just turned 14) might be being groomed on instagram...

78 replies

TrigglyPufff · 18/08/2019 09:16

Don't have time to NC as this is happening as I write, I just hope this very personal thread doesn't get published in a bloody tabloid.

So DD has just turned 14. She is quite a quiet girl and doesn't have a busy social life, she's quite shy. She and all her friends have Instagram and there has never been anything untoward. Our accounts are separate but linked so I can access hers.

Yesterday she receives a message from a '15 year old Italian boy' asking if they can chat. There are only 4 photos on his page, it all seems a bit dodgy. So they chatted fairly innocently for a while. She seems really exited to have a boy to talk to. She is naive for her age. He messaged her last thing last night then fort thing this morning, he's now saying he'd like to meet up and could come to England and that he thinks she's 'different' and 'kind'.

AIBU and massively overreacting?

OP posts:

NewStarterPack · 18/08/2019 11:12

Ive just called the police and they say they can't do anything as an offence hasn't been committed

Not interested in crime prevention then? Perhaps if we put more resources into this we wouldn't have to read about murders EVERY day of the week.

mordecaithomas · 18/08/2019 11:32

I just watched the link @Rhinosaurus posted and I'm with them 100%. You need to show your daughter that video.

longtompot · 18/08/2019 11:37

@NewStarterPack I keep saying the very same thing. The police need to be able to deal with the small 'insignificant ' crimes otherwise people grow up thinking they can get away with anything. The same with nhs and mental health services. Give people the help before the problem escalates into one that can't or takes a very long time to help.

Anyway, sorry to derail your topic OP. YANBU but I would talk to your dd when she gets back, and watch the videos with her.

Original poster

TrigglyPufff · 18/08/2019 13:53

So he's been asking to chat and she's not been online. I'm going to sit her down as soon as she gets home and talk her through everything so that she really understands.

I am then going to take over her instagram account and see where it goes with him, see if he asks to meet up or asks inappropriate stuff, then either turn up with DD's stepfather or get the police involved.

OP posts:

Violetparis · 18/08/2019 14:01

Block him now and move on, I'm not sure why you are faffing about, take control of the situation, she's 14 not 18, be clear that anyone who she does not know will be blocked instantly.

DogsandBoysmeanMud · 18/08/2019 14:10

Don't play the game just get rid of the risk. All the time he still has access, even if you think she's not on insta, she will be at risk.

There are so many of these risks, the police will do nothing. Just block him. Protect your daughter.

NewStarterPack · 18/08/2019 14:21

Talk to your daughter and then go online and tell the person that you have seen his messages and it is not appropriate for him to contact your daughter like this. Tell him you have contacted the police and handed over his info. If he is not what he seems he will crap his pants and may deter him from contacting others. Then block him.

Kplpandd · 18/08/2019 14:22

@MollyButton great advice surrounding language, my daughter is 9 so I dont have these worries yet but it's great to learn.

Rhinosaurus · 18/08/2019 14:28

@TrigglyPufff if you take over her Instagram and chat to him, say you want to face time right there and then - if it’s genuinely a teenager they won’t have a problem with that.

DeadBod · 18/08/2019 14:28

Your idea of taking over her Instagram account and seeing where it goes it totally bonkers.
Just block and give her a talking to.
For people saying that the police should do more. What exactly can the police do? No crime has been committed and I doubt that they have the time or budget to chase up every incident like this.

AllFourOfThem · 18/08/2019 14:36

He could be genuine but I agree this has red flags all over it and that’s before you look at the issue that she is talking to a stranger, when she has been told not to.

It can be hard being a teenager but she needs to realise how dangerous a place the internet can be. I hope she listens to you and takes on board your warnings.

NewStarterPack · 18/08/2019 14:42

The police in my town spend a lot of time hobnobbing with the locals in the market drinking coffee and chatting all in the name of PR because they have had a bad rap due to escalating crime here. They regularly have a stall manned by 2 of them handing out leaflets telling the residents what they have been doing.

How about using those resources to chase up petty criminals to stop their behaviour escalating?

TregunaMekoides · 18/08/2019 14:54

Ive just called the police and they say they can't do anything as an offence hasn't been committed

Ffs. Did the murder of Breck Bednar teach the police nothing? I appreciate how under resources they are but online grooming is major issue. Government need to fund some sort of national task force with a call centre where parents can phone and have the individual and interactions followed up. It would take huge resources I know but wtf else can people do?

minibroncs · 18/08/2019 15:06

Please don't forget that even if he genuinely is a 15 year old Italian boy that does not mean he isn't grooming her.

Teenagers can and do groom and abuse other children and teenagers.

Don't teach her to focus on "he may be a fake", help her spot warning signs of grooming and abuse. It will protect her much more effectively as she goes through life.

And of course he'll already be targeting as many others as he has time for until he finds someone with the right vulnerabilities who bites.

InvernessAdventure · 18/08/2019 15:10

Did you contact the local police? They may not be very switched on about how to handle this kind of thing. Try www.ceop.police.uk/safety-centre.

ittakes2 · 18/08/2019 15:11

You are sooo not overreacting. I hope she has not included her real name in her instragram plus she never puts the location tag on when she posts photos.

Purpleartichoke · 18/08/2019 15:18

She should not be chatting with anyone she doesn’t know in real life.

AmIThough · 18/08/2019 15:25

Do not meet this person, ffs!

Block him and report to Instagram.
Tell your daughter to set her account to private.
If it is private he must follow her.
Make her go through her account and remove all followers she doesn't know. No point it being private if she accepts strangers.

BarbedBloom · 18/08/2019 15:36

4 photos would immediately ring alarm bells. If you though he was genuine I would have asked to face time right then to be sure, but even then it is weird to randomly message someone and immediately say you aren't like other girls.

Report to Instagram. Block and chat with your daughter about signs people may not be who they say they are. Don't try some sting operation, there is no point

Troglod · 18/08/2019 15:42

It might be a good idea to tell your daughter about your doubts about the account, but get her to do the reverse image search. She will know how to do it and it hands power and agency back to her.

mordecaithomas · 18/08/2019 16:30

Yes definitely take over the account... I didn't even think of taking that approach. I'd end up meeting and beating the shit out of them 😬

CalamityJune · 18/08/2019 16:45

@TregunaMekoides I would suggest that resources would be best spent on helping individuals and families to protect themselves. In the same way that we protect our homes from burglary by locking doors and not advertising when we are going on holiday.

No offence has been committed. The daughter has been careless but has been monitored well enough by the OP that this can be nipped in the bud. If every parent was like this then far less grooming would occur. The user needs to be blocked and a lesson learned.

FiddlesticksAkimbo · 18/08/2019 16:45

I'd end up meeting and beating the shit out of them 😬

Hopefully needless to say, really not a good idea at all.

Rainonmyguitar · 18/08/2019 17:10

Can't you just take her phone off her and delete her Instagram account? She's still a child!

NoddyAndBessie · 18/08/2019 17:20

More red flags than the Chinese national swimming championships.

Flip

1 2 3 4