To be so angry and upset at this?

[inthedarkx]

So just a quick back story to anyone who doesn't know my situation. Husband left me with 5 kids, was pregnant with 6th. He got a new gf within 4 weeks of leaving, introduced her to my kids ect. And has been seeing his kids when he sees fit ect

Anyway fast forward to today I've had baby 12 days ago, she was prem. And he told his employer he will need paternity leave off so he booked it from 8th September according to him as that's when i was supposed to be due. But I asked him to now take it when she was born because I needed help with the others and he said no he won't he will keep of for September ( when I won't need his help then!)
So my mum was left with them for a week as i was in hospital a week, he came now and again to help. My mum spent loads of taxis when he drives. He didn't come to the birth, said he shouldn't have to as it's my 6th and not a novelty and my birth was traumatic

Anyway this week he's only come to see his kids wed 7pm and saw them 2 hours max, thursdsy 7pm and saw them 30 minutes and Friday came at 7 and saw them for around 3 hours. But last week he told me he would have them all day Friday (yesterday) but then this week told me he's booked a job(for yesterday) and can't have them till later.

Anyway the thing I'm angry for is he's dedicated all today to spend with his girlfriend and hasn't worked today which I've found out but cancelled his kids Friday!!! Every Saturday he has free now he spends with his gf because he kids stay out with their dads/family members. So I never get a Saturday off from the kids. He hasn't stayed to bond with the baby. Yes picked her up a few times and that's it. Baby stopped breathing the other day and he didn't even come here to have the other kids whilst I went to the hospital.

I'm dreading what next week he enlightens me with.
And even though he's got his own flat now he said he will have kids overnight when he gets a bed sorted ect but he will give me different nights every week and I will never have a schedule. And he will always work it around what his girlfriend wants. Every time I complain about this to him he says 'you wanted these kids so deal with it' and I said why have you not been here to bond with the baby and he says 'when you behave i will ( what he means by this is when I stop telling him how wrong he is for doing this)

Now he's said he will come tomorrow and have the kids all day but I know he will be here later than what he's said. How can I have a life.

I also don't trust him and his girlfriend to have the kids together because I don't think they will put the kids first

Hiya everyone

Just updating my thread.

Well today I've blocked him on my phone, and after my children came back from school they put their mobiles in the drawer like always ( they get lazy with them constantly) so if he tried to contact any of us then he wouldn't have had a chance. Anyway my mum tells me he rang her twice, she saw the missed calls. I'm scared if the backlash I will get now, he will get revenge but I'm sick of living life to suit his schedule

You've done the right thing.

He's already as shitty as he can be to you so I wouldn't worry too much about 'revenge'. Just live for and enjoy today and your DCs. Tomorrow will come when it comes and you will deal with it then.

You have done the right thing. He isn't going to step up here, he didn't want the latest baby so I also doubt he wants to build any bond. Once the new baby with his gf comes along he will likely be even worse.

All you can do is build your life with no expectation of him doing his side of the parenting, which is crap I know. Anything else will just make you miserable. Unfortunately with six kids I doubt you will get much of a life for some time

Is it classed as emotional harm to contact a child saying 'your mother won't let you see me' when I've told him I want set days and times every week? Is it ok to say that to a child?

I've stood my ground and now he's texting the children saying I won't let them come to his flat tonight but that was because he told me the days he would have them this week is Thursday and Saturday but now saying he can't see them on those days and Will come take them for tea tonight so I said no. And then he told me I'm bitter because he left me because I said he can't just change things on a whim and then text my child that. I've had enough but I'm standing my ground with it.

I would say, save your breath. He’s an asshole, his kids obviously come last. Certainly nothing you say will change that.

Just say when the kids are available and then he may or may not come. I don’t think there is a single thing you can do. I can’t see how court will even help. He’ll just miss the days to punish you (as it sounds like he’s doing already).

I’m really sorry op, I hope you new baby is doing well and I’m glad you have help from your mum.

Yes, agree the days and stick to it. You can be more flexible once he sorts himself out and if that flexibility goes both ways.

I’m afraid you’ll just have to explain to your dc the truth. It’s awful that he’s using them as a weapon, but there’s nothing you can do, except give them the truth and help them process all this arguing and nonsense.

Google 'parental alienation'. I don't think what he's done rises to that level, unfortunately. At least, not so far.

Obvs it's wrong for him to put the children in the middle like that. But unless you take their phones there's really not much you can do for now. But you should be taking pictures of any such messages for any future court case (if it gets that far). I'm not sure of the ages of your DC, but I would consider blocking his number on their phones or at least checking the messages daily.

As others have said, all you can do is explain that you are not stopping him from seeing them, but that he refuses to keep to 'the schedule'.