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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL suddenly refused to babysit

301 replies

Want2727 · 17/08/2019 09:59

Tonight having a meal with my family for my brothers 40th birthday. The meal is booked for 8 in a really posh restaurant. It has been planned for ages and we asked my in-laws to babysit DS 6 about 2 months ago.

MIL has just rung to say she won’t be babysitting as it is disgusting we won’t be including Ds in the meal as brother kids will be there.

Now my brothers youngest kid is 18 so very different to six. Where we are going has no kids menu. The adults menu will have nothing Ds wants. My brother did check when booking it and I said “your birthday your choice and it would be nice for us to have a night out without Ds”

So now DH is having to stay at home and I am fuming. MIL had known about the exact reason they are babysitting for 2 months and today on the day of the meal she decided she won’t be babysitting as it’s unfair we are not taking Ds.

So 2 AIBU here the first
Should we bring taking Ds tonight?
And
AIBu to be fuming at MIL

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 17/08/2019 14:13

“- I wouldn’t expect nor accept behaviour like that from anyone.”

Neither would I. But it is so very odd-wouldn’t you want to know why?

diddl · 17/08/2019 14:14

Presumably whatever is going on means that FIL also can't babysit?

She has known all along that your son isn't going, but it doesn't piss her off until it's probably too late to find a replacement babysitter?

Glad you found someone, but if you hadn't you could still have celebrated with your brother & family so perhaps not too much of a let down?

That sounds as if I'm defending MIL-I'm not-just meaning that the whole evening wouldn't have had to be cancelled, so she was never going to entirely ruin it (imo).

Figgygal · 17/08/2019 14:15

None of her business as it's not her rodeo
She's a shit

Ninkaninus · 17/08/2019 14:19

No. Because I don’t think a reasonable person would do this. Luckily no one in my very big family is like this. I’ve not read the whole thread in detail but I gather OP has said that there is form for this kind of controlling behaviour. So I’m not sure why you are arguing as if this is out of the ordinary and needs to be investigated. It’s highly likely that the person in question, who happens to be a MIL, is a twat, as her behaviour would indicate. If she walks, talks and acts like a twat, well you know how it goes...

BertrandRussell · 17/08/2019 14:25

“I’ve not read the whole thread in detail but I gather OP has said that there is form for this kind of controlling behaviour” I must have missed that. So why did the OP rely on her for important babysitting then? If she’s shown herself to be an unreasonable cow before?

diddl · 17/08/2019 14:29

"But it is so very odd-wouldn’t you want to know why?"

So MIL is lying about the reason?

Ninkaninus · 17/08/2019 14:30

Presumably because she is the child’s grandmother and she wants to facilitate some kind of relationship?

In any case I’m not going to continue discussing this, I’m really not invested enough and it’s been tedious for quite a while already.

CottonSock · 17/08/2019 14:35

I'd struggle to speak to my mil again if she did this.

justasking111 · 17/08/2019 14:42

Your DH problem, do not ask her to baby sit again. My DM would have pulled this hence she was never asked.

BackforGood · 17/08/2019 14:49

Glad you managed to find someone else.

I would not be wanting to ask her again though - hate people who let others down when there is no reason to.

Rubyupbeat · 17/08/2019 14:54

What a stupid reason, sounds like she just changed her mind and thought up that excuse.
Mind you no childs menu shouldn't stop anyone taking kids, mine used to choose off main from very young to broaden their taste, kids menu is usually unhealthy and limited.
Glad your friend could sep step up

Original poster
Want2727 · 17/08/2019 15:03

The form I was one about was little snipes at me here and there about the state of the house (it fine by the way) what I am wearing, how we are bringing up DS etc. Luckily DH has my back and we do laugh it off to mainly facilite a relationship with DHs other family members who we get on with including FIL. FIL is angry with MIL but can’t babysit by himself for medical reasons (he passes out a lot).

This is the second time she has let us down at the last minute. The other time was not as important. DH has told her she had not managed to ruin the night and she won’t be asked again. I DH hung up on her when she started crying that we all hate her and don’t understand her
Ahhhhh families

OP posts:
MulticolourMophead · 17/08/2019 15:06

Then you and DH need to decide how you are going to do things in future. I can see you might want to maintain a relationship with FIL, but I think an honest talk from DH might make the point that MIL is risking any relationship as a direct result of her own behaviour..

RandomMess · 17/08/2019 15:09

🙄 at MIL tantrum at being pulled up on her unacceptable behaviour.

Original poster
Want2727 · 17/08/2019 15:09

To answer a questions about birthday we all went away for a weekend to celebrate her 60th a few years ago so she can’t be jealous.

She hates our set up I know that. I work full time and DH works part time as a teacher and he does the lions share of the housework. I have fibromyalgia and hiper mobility and find my job fine but housework really hard and painful so me and DH have an arrangement which suits us. It means DH is there everyday to take and pick up DS from school. I earn better money so it’s the total right arrangement. MIL hates it though that her son does most of the “women’s work” in her eyes

OP posts:
Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 17/08/2019 15:10

She sounds jealous and unstable to me OP this after only just getting to the bottom of page 1 ...

ChicCroissant · 17/08/2019 15:14

Can I just caution you to expect a sudden illness from MIL that would require your presence? It may even have happened before but there are others on MN who can (unfortunately) confirm this tendency when the person is thwarted. I hope I'm wrong and you have a lovely evening, OP.

flumpybear · 17/08/2019 15:17

The words
Controlling
Judgemental
Battle axe

Spring to mind

LovePoppy · 17/08/2019 15:18

Why do you see this woman who punishes you?
She’ll drip the same opinion to your son

greenwaterbottle · 17/08/2019 15:24

Get your babysitter to take a fun photo, post this and your pics from family night on Facebook
"Sad people let you down, but fun was had by all!"

diddl · 17/08/2019 15:24

" FIL is angry with MIL but can’t babysit by himself for medical reasons (he passes out a lot)."

Blimey!

Although presumably if his health meant that she couldn't babysit due
to his condition she would have said no/wouldn't have been asked.

"she started crying that we all hate her "

Hmm

Well letting people down at he last minute might not induce hatred, but it's hardly endearing either, is it?

Still, best ignored imo rather than trying to placate "oh no, of course we don't hate you..."

Just makes it all about them, doesn't it?

sonjadog · 17/08/2019 15:31

So it was just about wanting attention then. Sounds like your DH dealt with it as deserved.

TatianaLarina · 17/08/2019 15:41

I’m glad it’s sorted. But I don’t get ‘kids’s menus. If a child is hungry he’ll eat what’s put in front of him. Next time she lets you down take him along without the angst.

EL8888 · 17/08/2019 15:44

She’s an arsehole, it’s none of her business. Why did she have to give you so little notice as well? She’s unreasonable, not you

Holandcleo · 17/08/2019 15:49

“I don’t get ‘kids’s menus. If a child is hungry he’ll eat what’s put in front of him.“
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ——- ha!

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