To think the way I spend my child's DLA is fine and does benefit them?

[Catoninetails]

Bit of background, I'm a single parent with 2 DC, my youngest who is 7 has ASD and ADHD with sensory processing disorder as well. They haven't been able to attend school full time for over 12 months. As a result of this I had to cut my working hours significantly. I get child and working tax credits and partial housing benefit, and I also claim DLA on behalf of my disabled child (low rate mobility and middle rate care, which adds up to £327 a month plus a child tax credit premium for them).

I use this as follows:

-Seam free pure cotton clothing (needed for sensory reasons)
-Music lessons (recommended by occupation therapist for improving coordination and getting both sides of body working together better)
-Saving for an appointment at BIBIC (for assessments and therapy that the NHS can't afford to provide)
-Running a small elderly camper van so we can spend nights at the seaside etc (they cannot cope with sleeping in strange places so this gives familiar surroundings, these nights away are the only holidays we ever get and my child loves them, it's not a luxury motorhome by any means, just a van with beds and a cooker fitted into the back and it's our only vehicle)
-Buying items like a laminator (for making social stories and signs and lists to go around the house), a docking charger for their tablet (to stop the charging port getting fucked AGAIN from being carelessly plugged/unplugged), the sort of things that makes life that bit easier for them and therefore us!
-Magazine subscriptions for them (expensive special interest magazines that they love)

All of this is stuff that I couldn't afford if not for the DLA. And IMO it all benefits my child. But the DLA also goes towards the general running of the house now that my earnings have dropped - bills (higher now we are in the house more rather than being at work/school all day on weekdays), takeaways when we've had an awful day and I can't be arsed to cook, taking my older child for a treat day every couple of months when my younger child is with their dad (older child is classed as a young carer so they need to have that sort of time made for them). The camper van is also used as our daily vehicle for shopping trips etc.

I've seen posts on a DLA for children Facebook group saying that DLA should only be spent on the child it's paid for. Some parents saying they write down every penny of it and how it's spent, or have it paid into a seperate account in their child's name to keep track of it, or take it out weekly and keep it in an envelope and account for how they spend it all. They seem to think it's tantamount to financial abuse and fraud to do what I do 😕 and now I'm worried that I'm not spending it appropriately or keeping records of how it's spent etc.

My Ds has similar conditions. I spend Dla on scouters , camping trips , sensory clothes , x box live ,swimming . It also allowed me to drop one day at work to do a course to benefit my son. I have no idea how much I spend on him a month well over what I get in Dla . It means we can have breaks , I can send him to scout camp without thinking.

I have always prioritised what my Ds needs over me . Dla means we can both our needs are met

Thank you all

I suppose really my issue is that I have a lot of anxiety and shame over claiming extra at all! Which I know is ridiculous and irrational. My child is on the surface very high functioning as they are verbal and extremely academically able which means using any disabled facilities gets me the face from people including my own mother

I use it for buying food!!! I haven't really been able to work. I would love to get to a point where I can be more like you. I think what you are doing is fab. Right now, every penny goes into the basics in this house

I think the way you spend it is up to you, and your way sounds fine!

These people do my head in. It's exactly the same with child tax credits or child benefit.
Seen so.many people on here slagging posters off for not putting the money straight into savings accounts for their kids as it "for the child". Bollocks it's for the parents to use to supplement their income to bring up thier kids. Same with DLA, it's to make life easier for not only the person receiving it but for the whole family. A disability can impact on everyone in the family and push living cost up, affects working income and a hundred other things. You use it for whatever is needed in your circumstances.

People can't seem to grasp that some people need the money to cover living costs, keep a roof over their kids heads, buy food etc not just on things the disabled person needs..

Yeah my kids get treats, cheap holidays, days out as and when I can afford it but I don't see any money that goes into.my bank account as separate from my wages. It all goes to live on.

Do not listen to anyone about how you spend the money. It's yours to use as you see fit. You are doing absolutely your best for your kids do not let anyone tell you otherwise.

To get DLA you have to prove that a child need so many addional hours support than a 'normal' child of their age. So if it is deamed they need 1hr day extra they get 1 rate or 4 hours a day they get another or hours over night they get another. (I can't remember the exact hours required).

The money they are granted is to provide that care. So to wash the extra bedding, to cut up the food, to change the dressings, to administer the meds, to take them too and from places another child could walk alone etc. Therefore this money pays the person who is doing this to do so.

So yes from the OP the money pays for music lessons, but it also pays for childcare when the child 'should' be in school and if the OP is doing this care then that element of the money is then hers to do as she wishes.

And no DLA does not pay even minimum wage on three basis of the additional care demands of those it supports....

We get high-rate mobility and high-rate care for DD. It goes into the general household pot. My DP and I have both had to cut down our work to part-time to care for DD. I’m sure a lot of the DLA does get spent on her care, but we don’t differentiate when we’re buying things for the household or for her. I was a bit taken aback recently, when filling in a grant application for a specialist car seat, to be asked for a breakdown of our monthly DLA use.
So, I think YANBU at all. Having a disabled child is very expensive, and you have to do whatever enables you to keep them housed, fed and clothed first and foremost.

My son’s goes into household funds. It gives him (and by extension our other child) experiences that benefit him which we couldn’t afford otherwise. I’ve used some on big ticket items for him but there’s no requirement at all to ring fence it. Of course if people do that it’s fine if it suits them but it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong if you don’t! And it’s not easy to get, plus it’s not means tested, so it’s not “fraud”

I’ve worried about this too, same rate for one of my DC, I already can’t work because of physical disability but my partner also can’t because the DC need both of us at the moment. It’s mostly gone on taxis (struggle with public transport), making sure one of us is able to be around to pick up from school at times that are not usual (he wasn’t full time for a full year there), season passes for things like suitable soft plays and other activities to keep him stimulated and things related to special interests that are like obsessions, audiobooks to help keep him engaged with books (doesn’t like me reading), a million pairs of underwear as we still have a lot of soiling etc..

I think you’re doing great :)

Our DLA goes into a general pot also. I’m unable to work full time hours and am low paid as a ta (but great employer that understands my restrictions and is flexible around them). I’m considering getting a cleaner actually as I’m run ragged with late nights with my dd and lack of sleep and it would really ease the pressure off me as her carer to give her my best.

Please don't worry about stupid comments made about what you spend the DLA on. It's a benefit for your child and clearly they benefit from what you spend it on. The guilt won't go away I know but try not to,worry. Are you claiming Carers allowance? If you don't earn more than £123 you may meet the criteria. My DD has moved on to PIP and I live in dread of brown envelopes dropping through the door. She can't even sit up or get out of bed but I'm always terrified they will take it away

You should spend it how you see fit and not worry. My mum gets DLA and I doubt they could account for where it goes. For me, it’s alwsys going to average out. The DLA would have been more helpful in the years before she got it as there would have been more direct costs. It will be more critical if she’s ever on her own.

@Catoninetails I have the same problem with other people. My mother was adamant there was nothing wrong with her grandson for years. That was until she took him to the icecream van alone. It didn’t go well and she suddenly “got It”.

I spend my younger son's DLA on similar things to you but I also spend it on days out for my older NT son who misses out on a lot and has to put up with a lot due to his younger brother.

I think that's fine .

I'm really relieved to hear what you all say

The way people were talking it was as though using DLA to cover the costs of a whole family day out was fraud. There was honestly posts of people saying they keep reciepts in date order in a folder, or that they'd had a phone call asking how they spend the money, or that they'd had a letter telling them they had to spend it in the best interests of their child only (I've never had this letter btw).

All good uses - I have a friend with a non-neurotypical child who has also found an old campervan a godsend because otherwise holidays are really difficult for the child to cope with.

But you ARE spending it in the best interests of your child. You’re not getting your nails done or having your hair coloured. You are doing the very very best you can for your children and your whole family.

they'd had a letter telling them they had to spend it in the best interests of their child

Surely making sure that theres a house with heat light and water, food and clothes to wear IS in the best intetest of the child?!

I dont for one minute believe any ones had a phone call asking what DLA is spent on

Are you sure they are not confusing DLA for short breaks or whatever respite care is called in their area? Those rules do apply and you need to keep receipts/proof of spending. It is quite strict. We have £800 a year to spend like this. We use it to pay for dd and a sibling (because that is allowed) to participate in social activities. You could also use it on music lessons/sports activities. You cannot use it for general living expenses. I think perhaps some of those FB pages have their wires crossed!

In my area, you need to get mid-rate DLA to get short breaks - hence the confusion.

The way people were talking it was as though using DLA to cover the costs of a whole family day out was fraud.

But it clearly isn’t. You don’t have to say what you’ll spend the money on or what you need it for when you apply for DLA for your child. Unless there’s some confusion with the short breaks PP is referring to, they sound batshit

In 20+ years of benefits advice work I have never known the DWP or its predecessors ask a recipient of DLA what they spend their money on. It is intended to cover the additional costs of disability whatever they may be.

This exactly.

DLA is a non means tested benefit which goes into the household pot to help with the fact that the cost of raising a child with disability is 3 times higher on average. Sounds like fbook is full of trolls.

I like to fantasise about how much we could reduce our food bill if we didn't have to cater for four children's autistic and sensory food related issues. Imagine: "eat what you're given or you get it for supper."

Then the washing from soiling or them going through four outfits a day because they drop crumbs on their top, the obsessions you buy things to fuel to buy yourself a few minutes peace, the infusers for hyperosmia, the squishies... my God the squishies...

How can you quantify what life costs with a disability? If you actually broke it down DLA would look pitiful, so we cut our cloth to suit.

That being said, the little trampoline DS is currently bouncing on in front of me is definitely a DLA purchase. Three days since it came, three days without him harming someone. Woot.

Fuck all the judgemental people. You spend it how you need to. It all affects your child anyways.