to not call my rapist Annabel

[Tyrotoxicity]

Because it's not his name.

His name's Mark.

But he gets to hide behind "Annabel".

AIBU to not know what the hell to think or how to react when my rapist declares he's a woman?

Even if you don't think theres any chance that they will be charged still report it so theres an allegation on record. A man raped you and has now decided to live as a woman who will be granted access to women only spaces. Its pretty much like a predator going into stealth mode! I'm so sorry this happened to you, you aren't a rape victim you're you and you are an amazingly strong woman. Never let what that bastard did get in the way of enjoying life

I went to the police two weeks ago to report a rape. The police told me directly they did not believe me, that I'd made allegations before, they told me that I was mentally ill and needed medication. They told me I was making up these allegations because I'd been sexually abused as a child and then they took me to the hospital to be sectioned.

I had not told them I had been abused as a child. Apparently, they had my notes on file, they said. From 30 years ago?

Seriously.

I'd first called a sexual assault referral centre, anonymously, who told me that I probably had AIDS, could be pregnant and needed emergency contraception. They couldn't see me that day, so suggested I went to the hospital GUM clinic. So I did, and they told me they wouldn't take photos of my injuries, nor would they take a blood test to see if I'd been given drugs. The doctor in the hospital wanted to know how many times I'd had anal sex and whether I was an injecting drug user. He wasn't bothered that I'd just been attacked, in my own fucking home, by two men, one of which had attempted to strangle me.

When I told him I didn't want an internal examination he laughed at me. So I left. Without any treatment or support. I then went to the main police centre, which was closed, so I walked to the next nearest one, three miles away. When I got there, I told the cop I wanted to report a rape and he said, 'what do you want me to do about it?" Another officer arrived, and they laughed at me as I sat on the floor crying. They called me 'thing'. 'I'm dealing with this….thing".

I eventually left, sat in the rain for three hours, crying, and then went back to the police station, to try again. Another cop at least did his job, and got me a detective, who spoke to me on the phone. The detective had spoken to my alleged attacker and decided who they believed. Nobody was interested in me. Nobody wanted to listen, to understand, to do a rape kit.

They didn't section me at the hospital. My blood pressure was low and my body temp was too high, and the nurse told me she didn't think I was mad. She wasn't happy, and left, and I never saw her again. They left me, sitting in the waiting room, until the sun came up the next day, and then I went back home.

Now I'm barricading myself into my bedroom at night, and I've bought cameras for my house. Lovely. So yeah, report it, but don't expect to be treated decently. By anybody.

That's awful, ohwowser

Can you try making a formal complaint about how you were treated by the police? Maybe contact the wonderful Centre for Women's Justice.

Raging on your behalf, oohwowzer.

Report it, they say. You have to report it because otherwise it'll be on your conscience if he does it to anyone else. So you report it, and look what happens.

I don't think I've got it in me to talk about how shit and unpleasant and pointless my experience of reporting was, but there is no fucking justice.

What an absolutely horrible situation.

What worries me (apart from the actual act) is the fact that it is now seen as a hate crime NOT to recognise this disgusting man as a "woman". We can rail against it, but it is now enshrined in law.

Just use the term ‘The Rapist’. No names necessary.

Probably shouldn't have reacted by hitting the nearest bottle of spirits that hard. Possibly should have resisted the urge to talk openly about what he did, using his name, on facebook (still mulling over that one).

Ha ha ha! I'm glad you did both.
I also, in a twisted & vengeful fashion, hope Mannabel gets royally fucked up by some bastard of a man sometime ...

Sudden realise.

Obviously I'm not bothering to report this particular rape, but if I did...

I'd be playing into MRA hands by doing my bit to increase the number of recorded sex offences apparently committed by women.

Fucking bastarding hell.

Just when you think you're at maximum fucking furious!

Another here who believes all of you on this thread.

Another who knows too well the same thought process, "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, please go home now, no, no... oh okay I'll consent against my will because at least it won't be rape then"

I don't know mine any more thank goodness. If I'd have heard he'd changed his identity, I wouldn't want to call him a woman either.

He's not a woman. he's a bloke who wears dresses and he raped you.

Oohwowzer. Please put in complaints. Utterly disgusting to have gone through what you did and then be subjected to that from the police who are supposed to prosecute the scum that perpetrates these crimes.

Another who has been through and not reported rape. The fucking cunt and his mate boasted to someone I thought was my friend in a very public place. They sat laughing about it. Kids could have fucking heard. I didn’t know til that point that it was called rape. They put that title to it. And my so called mate- never heard from him again. Except to ask why I wasn’t friends with the rapist and mate anymore. I mean what the fuck??

No wonder so many rapes go unreported. It’s like some accepted part of society that’s hidden. The victim is to feel ashamed and the fucking rapists- the marks of the world can go off into the sunset and change their identity, their name. They can enjoy life whilst their victims suffer often in silence for years.

I’m now at a point where I’m just angry. I’m not upset like I used to be. I can’t hear that name without feeling sick, but I also just want to grab the cunt and throw him to the lions. If my dp ever saw him I think the wrong person would go to jail.

So many years on, why don’t I report it? Because I’ve been through the system when I was sexually assaulted 15yrs ago. And while the evidence was never disputed(!) they threw it out on a technicality. A fucking technicality. That was the difference in THREE fucking words that myself and my witness worded differently. So the cunt walked free! So when I discovered long after it happened that it was called rape, no I didn’t have any faith in the ‘justice’ system. Cause rapists are cunts and when they have mates willing to lie to cover their back because they think their mate attacking a woman is just soooo fucking funny... no point trying to get a conviction, not from the perspective of my mental health would be the only thing to suffer.

The sex classes of male and female are meaningful categories to divide people into precisely because of the power imbalances inherent in bodily strength and risks involved in sex and rape, as well as the way our society does not do enough to mitigate these imbalances.

This man used his inherently greater bodily strength and social privilege to do something to you against your will, despite all the risks of pregnancy that come with that, that you could not even have done to him had you been strong enough. Even worse than that, it appears he goes around the place identifying as a reasonable human being and has done nothing to demonstrate that he understands what he's done.

You have every right to be livid. Sure he likes a dress (they really do suit some males don't they? Wish they were still socially acceptable for men like they were late 90s/ early 00s) but knows nothing of the reality of being female. You can't identify into an oppressed class.

for you. Sorry I have no helpful suggestions.

To add I am another who's not reported rape. Our society did a fantastic job of making me internalise the blame & shame for over a decade.

"Annabel". What reason would a grown man have for picking such a cutesy, little girly name. Its almost like it's a fetish and creeps like this are getting off on making real women refer to them using it .

@oohwowzer can I ask when this happened?

Wish they were still socially acceptable for men like they were late 90s/ early 00s

I wonder about this, actually.

How many of the pretty blokes in dresses back then were really just doing it because they happened to think dresses suited them and they had the confidence to pull it off? Because that's what we thought they were doing - that's what we thought this rapist was doing - but with hindsight I'd bet money it was never just about having the confidence to own one's clothing preferences.

Maybe for some men back then it was.

But I've got this horrible feeling that this is just another example of how every bit of attempted progress turns to shit because patriarchy claims everything it touches.

We thought back then that we were doing the right thing, championing men's right to wear dresses - but when a significant proportion of the men-who-want-to-wear-dresses seem to have serious problems in the being-rapey-and-entitled-misogynistic-fuckheads department...

Might have been a bit of an own goal.

@Oohwowzer. I’m absolutely appalled by your post. What a horrific ordeal, to be violated by men and then a second time by a body of people who are supposedly there to protect victims, not criminals. The fact that they tried to marginalise you as ‘mad’ because you dared speak against this male-centric domination is nothing short of terrifying in this day and age - because it’s by no means new, albeit it should be consigned to history. Thisame thing was the case hundreds of years ago when men wanting rid of women could have them consigned either to a nunnery or a mental institution. We laugh at this primitivism at our peril.

OP - I’m sorry you suffered this hideous crime and the fact that even if you did report it, it stood at risk of being recorded as a female crime must feel like the final bloody indignity. This vocal, toxic TRA movement represents the greatest threat to women’s rights not just in a generation, but for a century.

I’m a non-reporter too. My two rapists laughed as they violated me and made out I was abnormal anatomically and was some kind of freak. I was afraid they would tell everyone else in our locale and they would laugh, too.

I was 15, and until that incident was a virgin. I also had no discernible memories of this event for two years. Hysterical fugue, I think they call it.

Those who deride non reporters don’t have a fucking clue what they’re talking about.

So sorry to the many other women who have suffered this ordeal. It’s not us. It’s them.

I didn’t report. I lived with my rapist and marital rape had only just been criminalised, plus he was the police.
It happened multiple times. I remember being able to see the clock and thinking 'won't be long till this is over' after the first couple of times. My detatchment abilities are phenomenal to this day.

Holy fucking shit. He's a rapist and he's a he. So sorry OP.

And to everyone who hasn't reported, will never report, tried to report and was treated like a problem

He is a rapist scum piece of shit.

OP, I don’t know what to say but I hope your story ends positively for you. The rapist is a rapist, end of story. I don’t think he even deserves a name.

As for @oohwowzer, I am utterly gobsmacked at your story. Is there nothing anyone could do to help you? It upsets me to think you were treated so disrespectfully by the very people who should have helped you. I wish there was some way you could name and shame every single imbecile involved.

@oohwowzer

Sending you cyber hug and healing vibes.

Please move house and get counselling.

Please know this is not your doing.

Much much love. Crying with you xxx

God this thread is such a hard read. I’m so sorry for everyone here who’s suffered, both at the hands of a rapist and then a system that doesn’t support them. for all of you.

I wouldn’t even bother with his name op, scumbag piece of shit is the only name he deserves.

I didn’t report my rapist. He was my boyfriend and he used to gaslight the fuck out of me. He used to hide my stuff and make me and other people believe i’d Lost it. He’d tell me to meet him somewhere then not show and try and convince me and other people that i’d Imagined the entire conversation. I had no doubts about who everyone would believe if I tried to report him.

He's a rapist.
He can call himself anabel, trixiebelle, cuntwaffle or princess consuela banana hammock.
He's still a man. He's still a rapist.

oohwowzer