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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious that this school mum put DC in danger and want to give her a piece of my mind! !

81 replies

Amazonita · 16/08/2019 21:57

DD attended an activity recently for a school friends birthday. The plan was for all the invited DC to go to friends house for lunch before the activity then the mum and dad would ferry them to the activity in two cars, then they'd do the same back to friends house and DC were to be collected from there later in the evening. I did check they were OK to take DD as I only live up the street and would have been happy to help out with the transport because I don't like people I don't know well driving DC about and they wouldn't have had a booster seat for her!

DD casually mentioned today that she had X sitting on her lap in the car on the way back from the activity. It turns out the Dad had to do 'something' so they all travelled back in one car, 7 DC plus the mum, so the 3 DC in the back all had someone on the lap with no seat belt around them!

I'm absolutely raging! DC are all 8. If she'd texted me I would have had no problem going to help out.

I would never take a risk like that with someone else's DC.

DH thinks I shouldn't say anything. It's done now, just make sure we refuse if they offer to drive DC again but I really want toAngry.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 16/08/2019 22:03

I'd be furious! I'd send her a text along the lines of being annoyed that she took such a risk with all the children being in her car without proper restraints being used. See what her reply is.

Kungfupanda67 · 16/08/2019 22:06

Most of the time on here I’m in the ‘don’t bother saying anythjng’ camp, but I would definitely be messaging, that’s disgraceful. You pay for a taxi, ask another adult, do 2 trips, whatever, but you don’t have 8 people (including 6 kids who don’t belong to you!) in a 5 seater car.

RedCowboyBoots · 16/08/2019 22:09

My childminder did this once. She was fired very swiftly afterwards! I'd probably not say anything in your situation, but I am a coward.

HollyGoLoudly1 · 16/08/2019 22:10

YANBU. Illegal and incredibly risky. Even a minor bump would have caused injuries with that set up. Jesus. Agree with PP, I'm not usually one for confronting other parents but this would be an exception for me. Maybe check you definitely have the story straight (although I don't see how your DD could have gotten this mixed up!) before you go in all guns blazing, but this was pretty stupid.

munemema · 16/08/2019 22:11

Say something if you want it but don't do it by text and think about what you want to achieve from it

Disfordarkchocolate · 16/08/2019 22:13

I'd be furious. I'd have to let the parent know that this was unacceptable and unsafe. I don't think I'd feel comfortable with either of them looking after my child again. I bet the other parents feel the same too.

BeardedMum · 16/08/2019 22:16

Totally unacceptable!

Applejack5 · 16/08/2019 22:16

YANBU!!

I would say something. That's so dangerous! She needs to know it's not ok. I definitely wouldn't let DC go there again either.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 16/08/2019 22:20

I would message saying that you wanted some clarity as you can’t quite believe what you’ve been told.

lavenderbluedilly · 16/08/2019 22:22

YANBU to be angry, I would be too. However I’d think about what you want to achieve by confronting her. Particularly if you have another 2-3 years of seeing her at the school gates. Personally I would just ensure that your DD does not travel with her again, and if you are asked, explain the reasons why.

Original poster
Amazonita · 16/08/2019 22:25

That's what I thought Holly. A minor bump or having to brake quickly and the DC on DD's lap would have been thrown back against her probably smacking the back of their head on her face as they would have been at the same levelAngry.

This woman has a professional job as well!

I'm going to have to say something like DD mentioned this but I can't believe it's true type of thing.

OP posts:
MarigoldGlove · 16/08/2019 22:26

YANBU.

When I was in my twenties I witnessed a child going through the windscreen of a car. She died at the scene of the accident. So I’m ridiculous about car seats now.

I told my dc that I don’t want them going in other peoples cars without car seats and I used to make them practice what to say. One of the many ways I embarrass them!

TregunaMekoides · 16/08/2019 22:30

I'm pretty laid back about most stuff but this would give me red rage. It's so irresponsible. Parents have entrusted their children to you, you play it by the fucking book every time. Regardless of what you would do with your own kids, if you are in loco parentis, you play it safe
I would be notifying the other parents and telling that Mum how disappointed and angry I was at her actions. I wouldn't be able to let it go. I unfortunately have experience of being in and witnessing nasty car accidents. They are death machines to be handled with care and respect. Anyone who doesn't understand that should not be in charge of one, let alone one filled with children.

poloarpanda123 · 16/08/2019 22:33

YANBU - My dad worked as a Dr in A and E and he ALWAYS made us wear seatbelts/seats properly even back in the 80's due to what he witnessed. I always make sure any of my dc's friends have proper car seats as my own.

Sickoffamilydrama · 16/08/2019 22:39

I'd be livid to, there's still flowers near the crash site of this accident that's 13 years on news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/oxfordshire/4894898.stm
Maybe send her this article the woman was jailed for killing 3 of her son's friends.

Goingonagondola · 16/08/2019 22:46

Oh I was fully expecting to find someone overreacting on this type of thread but no actually this is terrible and I'd be furious too. She could have killed or seriously injured your child.

Derbee · 16/08/2019 22:48

I would tell all the parents of the kids involved, as and when I saw them. Everyone should know that it’s not safe to send their kids to her house again. I’d then rely on one of the other parents giving her a bollocking, because I’m a coward sometimes

cricketmum84 · 16/08/2019 22:51

Absolutely, completelyand totally unacceptable and I would be raging at the mum.
I would definitely be saying something to her.

ReanimatedSGB · 16/08/2019 23:00

Well, you can have a big virtue-signalling tanty at her if you want, but what do you think it will achieve? She's obviously someone who thinks that it's an acceptable risk to take (and, after all, it's what most people did with groups of DC up until about 20 years ago, and most of them survived doing such journeys pretty regularly).
If youreally want to wreck your DC's friendship groups for the forseeable future, you could even go so far as reporting this family to the police (though given that the law allows for short, unexpected journeys and is therefore a bit of a grey area, you know, good luck with that approach.)

You can tell your DC that if something like that happens again, they should contact you/refuse to get in the car. But other than that, you need to let this go, or you're going to make a complete twat of yourself.

SleepWarrior · 16/08/2019 23:01

Yes send her that link above and state that she never has permission to take your child in a similar set up again. She didn't even ask if you minded (not that that would change it being illegal or dangerous, but still)!

Would the police be interested or would it be a nonstarter as it's after the event with no proof?

tigger001 · 16/08/2019 23:06

You can tell your DC that if something like that happens again, they should contact you/refuse to get in the car. But other than that, you need to let this go, or you're going to make a complete twat of yourself.
While I agree it was really dangerous and I would not be best pleased, I have to agree with the above, there's nothing you can do now.

TatianaLarina · 16/08/2019 23:08

YANBU

But bear in mind in the 70s people did this all the time.

4 kids on the backseat, 3 in the boot.

yikesanotherbooboo · 16/08/2019 23:09

I would just ensure that DC didn't travel with them again .

LillithsFamiliar · 16/08/2019 23:12

I agree with SGB
The mother is already aware of the law. The incident is now passed. It's highly unlikely she'll change her view because you 'give her a piece of your mind'.
What you will do is impact on your DD's friendships. Is it worth it so you can feel superior? because it's going to have no practical impact on the other mum.

crikeycrumbsblimey · 16/08/2019 23:12

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/oxfordshire/4894898.stm

These kids weren’t so lucky