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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about not getting invited?

93 replies

30somethingmama · 16/08/2019 21:34

I expect I will get roasted on this but I just want an opinion.
My mum goes to concerts with her friends all the time. This is no issue at all of course, but she has been to ones I would have liked to and not been asked - yet later found out her friends daughters who are my age went along, so it’s not as if they just wanted their nights out to be of a certain age range. As I say usually it doesn’t bother me at all and I think nothing of it.
A while ago she mentioned they were going to see Will Young. I’m actually a fan of his and she knows this. I said I would have liked to come along. Heard no more mentioned. Today she said “oh that will young concert, it’s on your birthday!” Still no invite. Then when I said that’s great thank you for telling me a concert I’m not welcome to is on my birthday she said her friends daughters get invited as they have more money?
Then started saying she won’t go and just being childish. I just felt a bit upset like it was an extra kick in the teeth and I’m not sure what she thought telling me proudly it was on my birthday was going to achieve.

OP posts:
Herocomplex · 16/08/2019 21:36

It’s ok to be upset that your mum’s not including you, but I don’t see why you don’t book a ticket for yourself?

ChrisPrattsFace · 16/08/2019 21:38

Ask if you can go too?

Original poster
30somethingmama · 16/08/2019 21:40

If I book a ticket for myself now it would mean that I’d be sat on my own and I don’t know if I fancy that. I know a lot of people wouldn’t mind though. I’d kind of feel like the uninvited loser sat on my own behind them! Blush DP said he’ll come with me if I want to go so that’s kind of him, but I know it’s not his thing and means we would be paying for 2 tickets where as if I had gone along with mum I would have only have had to buy mine.

OP posts:
Herocomplex · 16/08/2019 21:41

Do you want her to pay for you? Can you not afford to go otherwise?

Original poster
30somethingmama · 16/08/2019 21:41

@ChrisPrattsFace I have asked and she basically says no. When I ask why as her friends daughters get invited she said ‘they have more money than me’ which I have no idea why that’s relevant as I wouldn’t expect her to buy my ticket, an invite means more to me than money! x

OP posts:
Herocomplex · 16/08/2019 21:42

Sorry x post.

SmellbowSmellbow123 · 16/08/2019 21:42

Book yourself in to go and tell her you’ll see her there!

Off topic but Will Young still does concerts?!?!?!

Original poster
30somethingmama · 16/08/2019 21:42

@Herocomplex not at all, I’ve never asked her to pay for me and especially with it being on my birthday DP would have paid as a present I’m sure.

OP posts:
7yo7yo · 16/08/2019 21:43

Your mums horrid.
Steal her friends.
Invite them for lunch and parties etc and leave her out. (Joking)

Original poster
30somethingmama · 16/08/2019 21:44

@SmellbowSmellbow123 I might get front seats with DP and turn round and wave at her and her friends! Grin Apparently so, in Hull!

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ChrisPrattsFace · 16/08/2019 21:44

In that case I would then ask her why she didn’t want me to go with her.
I would say money isn’t the problem, and say you would have really liked to go.
It sounds like she just doesn’t want you there, it would make me feel a bit pushed out too!

Herocomplex · 16/08/2019 21:44

Ah no then, that’s a bit unkind if her. If she’s telling you but specifically saying she’s not interested in you coming along that’s really off. Is there something else going on? Is she mean in other ways?

KingaRoo · 16/08/2019 21:45

Have you told her how this makes you feel?

Original poster
30somethingmama · 16/08/2019 21:47

@ChrisPrattsFace she then starts to say how she is allowed time on her own etc - which I fully understand and appreciate but I would just like to have been invited to a concert that she was aware I would have liked to have gone to on my birthday of all days!
As I say she told me they were booking it and I said I would love to see him, can’t I come along? Then today she casually told me it was on my birthday as though she expected me to say “that’s brilliant, a concert I wanted to go to that I’m not invited to is also on my birthday! That’s great news!” Shock

OP posts:
Jozen · 16/08/2019 21:49

Do you have a friend or group of friends that would like to go? Ask around, book up and make a night of it.
Would your DP like to go, perhaps he can treat you to dinner out and concert for your birthday?
Let your mum get on with her plans and you make yours.

Original poster
30somethingmama · 16/08/2019 21:50

@Kingaroo @Herocomplex
She can be. She never ever suggests us just going out for lunch or doing mother daughter things. It’s always as if she has somewhere better to be. I always say shall we go out for the afternoon and she says no as the dog can’t be on his own, but then she’ll go out with her friends?
I know my DS can be a handful when out in public but he’s a lovely little lad (he’s only 2) and even if I ask her to come with us to soft play and grab some lunch there it’s like I’ve asked the earth of her and she just won’t respond.
I asked her if she wanted to come with me to choose wedding shoes as I chose my dress without her and she made me feel awful about it. But she basically told me she has better things to do with her weekend.

OP posts:
Summerunderway · 16/08/2019 21:51

I hope you give her the the same (lack of) thought on her birthday op...

Original poster
30somethingmama · 16/08/2019 21:53

@Jozen I think that is going to be the only solution, but it shouldn’t have to be if that makes sense? I’m not sure any of my friends are big enough fans to pay £40 a ticket (mums friends are married to millionaires and I think she likes to try and keep up even though we’re far from)
DP will come along though if I want to go as he’s nice like that! x

OP posts:
ChrisPrattsFace · 16/08/2019 21:54

She sounds awful. I wouldn’t even try and socialise with her.

Original poster
30somethingmama · 16/08/2019 21:54

@Summerunderway I usually wouldn’t, I purposely have turned things down if they have been on her birthday weekend in the past! I won’t do the same in the future Hmm

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Original poster
30somethingmama · 16/08/2019 21:56

I feel awful as she is my mum and you only get one etc but I just feel like I try and it only gets thrown back in my face. It’s like she just wants to keep me in a box and only see me when it suits her.
The thing is if I do anything (take DS shopping with me, go for a meal with friends) I then get “I would have come!” When I’ve asked her a million times and it’s always no so I get fed up of asking as it feels a waste of breath.

OP posts:
DewDropsonKittens · 16/08/2019 21:59

She sounds terrible, is she making herself out to be something she isn't to her friends and you going will catch her out

DewDropsonKittens · 16/08/2019 22:01

Book those front row seats and tell her all about it

Original poster
30somethingmama · 16/08/2019 22:05

It’s like when DS was born, I was exhausted as any new mum is and he was about a month old when my IBS flared badly and I couldn’t get away from the bathroom, was retching etc and DP had to go to work leaving me in tears. It took DP to ring her and tell her what a state I was in to actually finally get some help and for her to take DS for a few hours so I could rest.
In some ways she can be a lovely mum, I was an only child so she was like my friend, she can be very generous money wise.
But sometimes I just want her to be generous with her time and not her money?
Maybe she is pretending to be something - but she’s actually a cleaner for one of the said ‘friends’ so I’m sure they are aware we aren’t sitting on a goldmine! It’s not like I get really drunk or show myself up? I sit quietly and are probably ready for home before they are! I’m starting to take it personally and wonder if it’s me.

OP posts:
Original poster
30somethingmama · 16/08/2019 22:07

@DewDropsonKittens I think the front row tickets might be a wonderful idea! Grin

OP posts: