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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about not getting invited?

93 replies

30somethingmama · 16/08/2019 21:34

I expect I will get roasted on this but I just want an opinion.
My mum goes to concerts with her friends all the time. This is no issue at all of course, but she has been to ones I would have liked to and not been asked - yet later found out her friends daughters who are my age went along, so it’s not as if they just wanted their nights out to be of a certain age range. As I say usually it doesn’t bother me at all and I think nothing of it.
A while ago she mentioned they were going to see Will Young. I’m actually a fan of his and she knows this. I said I would have liked to come along. Heard no more mentioned. Today she said “oh that will young concert, it’s on your birthday!” Still no invite. Then when I said that’s great thank you for telling me a concert I’m not welcome to is on my birthday she said her friends daughters get invited as they have more money?
Then started saying she won’t go and just being childish. I just felt a bit upset like it was an extra kick in the teeth and I’m not sure what she thought telling me proudly it was on my birthday was going to achieve.

OP posts:
Original poster
30somethingmama · 17/08/2019 12:15

She made me feel so bad I put my dress up for sale and was going to start from scratch with her there. It took DP and dad to say how bloody ridiculous it was and how much money we would lose for me to decide to keep the dress.

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Original poster
30somethingmama · 17/08/2019 12:18

@sandgrown My uncle has said he wasn’t a bad guy, he just didn’t have a backbone. I know roughly where he is as his children from his following marriage found me on Facebook. I will never know mums reasoning as to why she doesn’t even want me to know his existence. To this day she has never mentioned a word to me about it and when I’ve asked where my surname has come from she lies and says she decided to give me that surname! Blush

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Original poster
30somethingmama · 17/08/2019 12:19

@sandgrown I’m sorry you don’t know where your biological father is. It’s hard when you only know half a story isn’t it Flowers

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RandomMess · 17/08/2019 12:23

Your Mum really does have issues!!!

That wedding dress saga, again more power play...

Hotpinkangel19 · 17/08/2019 12:43

That's so sad op! I live just outside Hull, would have been happy to go with you but seen you are sorted now! Enjoy!

OliviaBenson · 17/08/2019 12:49

Did you write a thread about the wedding dress op? It sounds familiar. She doesn't sound very nice I'm afraid.

I get it, it's horrible. The only thing you can do is detach.

sonjadog · 17/08/2019 12:56

I think it is very understandable that you are upset, but you are setting yourself up to be hurt here over and over again. Your Mother isn’t interested in changing this no matter how unfair it seems. Take a step back and leave her to it.

Original poster
30somethingmama · 17/08/2019 12:57

@RandomMess Do you think so?
@Hotpinkangel19 That’s so kind of you, thank you Flowers we probably aren’t far from one another then! That’s good to know for next time I’m not invited somewhere! Grin
@OliviaBenson Yes I did, about a week ago. That was when I was thinking of selling my dress and starting again as she made me feel so damn awful.
I’m just not loving life at the moment at all, I’ve been on antidepressants since after I had DS but I’ve had to stop them abrubtly as they were causing problems with my heart and I’m really struggling with the withdrawal symptoms physically and mentally. My beloved cat has also gone missing so I’m worried about her Sad It all sounds petty but is really getting to me!

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Mrsjayy · 17/08/2019 13:00

Your mum sounds awful and unkind has she always been like that?

Original poster
30somethingmama · 17/08/2019 13:04

@OliviaBenson @sonjadog I’m worried you might be correct. Maybe I have relied on her too much to be there for me and help me with my problems, listen to my woes etc. It’s been hard since having DS as we moved to a rural area which is actually closer to mum (and DP’s work) but away from my friends - most of which work full time. So I spend an awful lot of time apart from the 2 afternoon a week I work alone. Some days I think it’s been 4 days and I’ve not even left the house.

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Original poster
30somethingmama · 17/08/2019 13:06

@Mrsjayy it’s hard to say as I worked full time since leaving school so really only saw her for a couple of hours on a Sunday once a week if I went for Sunday lunch. It’s been since having DS that I’ve noticed she doesn’t like to spend her time with me, or doing anything that isn’t her choice (going anywhere with me and DS, or for lunches etc)
Maybe she is just very ‘set in her ways’ and I need to realise she’s never going to change.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 17/08/2019 13:23

She was too busy to come dress shopping with you, you still included her by sending a photo and asking her what she thought before you bought it, later she kicked off about you buying it.

Can you see how truly batshit that is?

Original poster
30somethingmama · 17/08/2019 13:59

@RandomMess when you actually put it like that it black and white, it does sound quite ridiculous!

OP posts:
Motoko · 17/08/2019 14:07

All you've done, is expect your mother to behave like a loving mother would. Unfortunately, she's not a loving mother.

You really need to pull back, don't expect anything from her, treat her like an acquaintance, be polite, but don't initiate anything. And remember, it's her, not you! She would be the same, if she'd had a different child, instead of you.

Mrsjayy · 17/08/2019 15:46

It sounds like you have never been too close and you are just noticing it not that I think the way she behaves is right it isn't I can't believe she spoiled your wedding dress experience so much you are selling it you have to detach she is upsetting you.

PaddingtonBearHardStare · 18/08/2019 22:02

@30somethingmama @Hotpinkangel19 I am in Hull too, can I come out to play Grin

sandgrown · 19/08/2019 01:09

@30somethingmama thanks I have got used to it now but won't stop searching. I can't imagine the stick my mum.got for being a single mum in the late 1950s especially as DNA tests have proved my dad was Asian. I think she married my stepdad for respectability but he gave her a miserable life. She was a lovely mum and grandma though. Will you search for your dad?

isitjanuary · 19/08/2019 01:40

I'd pull back and go lc. She's goady and unkind. I wouldn't invite or initiate anything. And the next time she kicked off about not being invited to something I would say 'I do have my own life you know'.

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