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AIBU?

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Original poster

Headstone on wrong grave, angry WWYD

83 replies

starshine1926 · 16/08/2019 18:53

So it will be 3 years in November since my mum died (can't believe I'm writing that).

I started researching masons, headstones etc back in the Spring and chose a company with excellent feedback. Finally settled on the wording etc and agreed the proof copy 2 weeks ago. Incidentally, I wasn't impressed with a few spelling errors I had to correct.

The masons rang me today to say the job was finished and emailed a picture. The headstone is great, simple black granite with a few motifs personal to her and the names of her relatives. Just one problem: it's on the wrong grave!!

There is no cause for confusion as there is a simple wooden cross with mum's name on it already there. The company rep visited the grave months ago and he stood there while I described it on the phone so they knew exactly where it was. This is a well established family funeral directors and some numpty workman has cemented the stone to an unmarked grave. I discovered this after work today cause I visited tonight in the pouring bloody rain and howling wind, getting soaked in the process.

I am equally angry and upset. I have had a truly crap week, been treated like shit by various people and this is the icing on the cake ffs.

I was quoted £1500 for the headstone. I will be going to see them on Monday. WWYD? Ask for a discount?!
So wanted this to be right - mum was my last living relative.

OP posts:
ConorMcGregorsChin · 16/08/2019 18:57

Oh my goodness. I wouldn't be asking for a discount. I'd be asking for a full on apology and for it to be put right immediately.
I'd also expect to be paying them nothing.
That is totally unacceptable in their profession (I provide a service. Totally unrelated and if anyone ever had a problem I would refund them in full)
Flowers to you OP

MayFayner · 16/08/2019 18:58

Sorry to hear about your mum.

I don’t think I’d ask for a discount but I’d insist the problem was rectified immediately.

WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 16/08/2019 18:58

That's awful OP

Personally I would contact the masons or undertakers, whomever you ordered the headstone from and inform them that, despite it being clear, the headstone is on another grave that is certainly not your DMs
Or , it may well be the fault of the company of whomever put the headstone in the wrong spot . It should be put where it belongs, no charge to you at all or with a discount , yes and I suppose the funeral directors will charge them etc .
Its not good is it :(

Queenioqueenio · 16/08/2019 18:59

They need to put it right immediately , very apologetically with no fuss or no hassle.
It would be nice if they gave you a discount for your distress but personally I wouldn’t go asking for it (but I do think it’s the decent thing to do).

WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 16/08/2019 18:59

I don't mean NO charge at all, due to the fact the headstone is now done and you are pleased with it, but you should certainly not pay any extra for an error not yours .

Knitwit99 · 16/08/2019 19:01

I would be really upset by this too, it's an awful thing to happen, I'm really sorry.

TheOnlySnot · 16/08/2019 19:01

I’m so sorry to hear that starshine1926
I’d definitely ask for a discount, and for it to be rectified as soon as possible. It just seems so unprofessional.
Make sure you tell them that you expect no damage to the headstone when they move it.
I hope you are ok. Flowers

tealandteal · 16/08/2019 19:04

Definitely ask them to put it right immediately. Maybe with some explanation of what went wrong and assurances that it won't happen again. How distressing for you and for the loved ones of whoever is in the other grave.

Lovemenorca · 16/08/2019 19:14

I’m sorry Op

I think you’re on weak ground though.
You described over the phone. Open for error. You didn’t ask for photos to confirm their understanding was correct?

jellycatspyjamas · 16/08/2019 19:18

I’d be furious. Surely in addition to your verbal explanation and description they would have got the plot number and location from the cemetery - there’s literally no excuse for it being in the wrong place.

I’d expect it to be re-sited with an apology and a significant discount, I’m sorry for your distress.

slipperywhensparticus · 16/08/2019 19:20

So there is still a cross with her name marking her grave?

TregunaMekoides · 16/08/2019 19:24

Of all the things to screw up. I'm so sorry. How awful for you.
I would want it moved immediately and I would be paying no more than cost price for the materials and no labour costs. Email a few other stone masons to find out what the cost price would be.

Drum2018 · 16/08/2019 19:25

They will have to sort it out asap and put it on your mums grave. Can you imagine if someone visited the grave over the weekend and saw the headstone - how confused they would be. If you have a mobile number for the person you were dealing with I wouldn't be waiting til Monday to call them.

JudgeRindersMinder · 16/08/2019 19:26

That’s a rotten thing to happen, I’d be looking for it to be moved immediately at next cost.
I have to say I’m surprised at them just taking instructions by phone, it’s done by lair number where I live

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 16/08/2019 19:26

I wouldn’t really expect a discount - possibly something way by of a gesture. But I would expect them to rectify it within the week.

JudgeRindersMinder · 16/08/2019 19:26

No extra cost, not next cost 🙄

HopeIsNotAStrategy · 16/08/2019 19:29

When the undertakers were removing my mother's body from the house, they nearly. dropped her down the stairs. I could have got really upset but instead I have a rye smile about it, because my mother would have found it absolutely hilarious, it was the sort of thing that tickled her.

Is there any chance you could think about it that way? If not I'm sorry for your upset, but it can and will be sorted. 💐

HopeIsNotAStrategy · 16/08/2019 19:31

Wry smile! 😄

LIZS · 16/08/2019 19:33

Surely they have to check the location with whoever manages the cemetery before installation. Each plot has a specific location, ownership and burial records. I would expect an unreserved apology and it being put right asap, at their cost.,

Mumpkind · 16/08/2019 19:36

Dear most senior owner I can discover the email of,

I am writing to you in great distress about the appalling error which led to the headstone for my late mother being erected on an entirely unrelated grave. This is despite a site visit to confirm and a cross grave marker bearing my mother's name being in situ. I can only imagine the distress of the owners of the other grave.

Please assure me that this will be rectified immediately.

I want to know how this came to happen.

The cost of your service reflects the importance to the bereaved and necessity of accuracy and sensitivity at all stages.

The National Association of Memorial Masons references supporting the welfare of the bereaved through high standards as part of it's mission. I am extremely disappointed and distressed that these high standards have not been reached in the installation of my mother's memorial stone.

Yours sincerely etc.

NoBaggyPants · 16/08/2019 19:41

Or just a simple

"You've put it on the wrong grave. When will it be moved and how did it happen?"

Missingstreetlife · 16/08/2019 19:45

Funeral director will be available over weekend, probably 24/7. Ring them

Lovemenorca · 16/08/2019 19:46

Yes go with nopaggypants in the first instance

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 16/08/2019 19:48

did you not give them the plot number and marking, rather than just saying there is a wooden cross?

I’m confused

LonelyGir1 · 16/08/2019 19:51

Discount for what? You're being unreasonable.

As a side note, it's nice to see that I'm not the only one who took three years to do my mum's headstone. Coincidentally, she also died in November. It's a shit thing to go through, but getting a doubt won't help.