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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think an American/Canadian childhood seems nicer than a British one?

482 replies

WilsonandJackie · 16/08/2019 06:21

I know I probably am BU as stuff like this will always be a "grass is greener" situation and I can't judge a place based on a holiday (have just returned from 10 days visiting a friend and her husband who moved to Pennsylvania 9 years ago) but I really did notice some things while I was there that have me wondering. I know America has it's issues like the UK with poverty etc and is in an absolutely dire state at the moment politically but I was amazed at how different the children and teenagers over there's lives seem to be.

My friend's live in a suburban neighbourhood outside a big city. The neighbourhood kids (know I shouldn't judge it it over one neighbourhood I spent 10 days in but I live in a neighbourhood of a similar socioeconomic class in the UK which is nothing like this) seemed to be living such an idyllic childhood. Kids out playing on bikes on the roads, climbing trees, building dens, in and out of each others houses. I didn't think kids that age did that anymore, it was like a flashback to the 80s and it felt quite lovely. We're talking kids who are 12-14 years old. They seem on a completely different planet to kids in the UK of the same age. I'd see them riding their bikes to school each morning and they looked genuinely happy, in their own clothes rather than a depressing formal uniform (I hate uniforms with a passion, much prefer the system of a dress code). There were some kids who were smoking weed I admit, but it just looked a different apmostphere. They weren't in tracksuits standing outside a corner shop and intimidating people (yes I see this every day in the UK in my "naice" area, didn't see it once in the US), they just seemed to be laughing with their friends in their gardens.

My friends have 2 kids (girl 16 boy 14), they are completely Americanized and you'd have no idea they were born in Yorkshire. The DD drives now and has a job in a diner, so she earns her own wage. Her school finished in June and isn't back until September, so gets 3 months to let her hair down. While we were visiting her and her friends ended up renting a minivan and all drove to a spot 2 hours away (it's meant to be a sort of mountain range with outstanding natural beauty) to camp. Yes there was probably booze and maybe bud, I'm not oblivious, but the pictures seemed lovely. Gorgeous scenery, campfire etc. They all returned next morning and her friend gave her a lift to work on her way to her own shift. Her brother is very sporty and his friends were round a lot practising basketball in the back yard and then they jumped on their bikes to go to another house. Both kids and their friends seem so carefree and happy. In a way they seemed more independent than teens I'm used to, but also seemed to have had more of a childhood. The schools looked nicer, I know there's still bullying and badly behaved kids etc but none of the schools we droved past looked like the ones I'm used to. I'm used to crumbling concrete blocks that haven't had any money spent on them since 1973 and kids in grim uniforms walking in looking like clones of each other. Whenever I see kids walking to school at home they always look so bloody depressed. I think the middle school system is fab. Why are we chucking kids who may have only just turned 11 into a huge building with kids who may be nearing 17 and expecting them to get on with it? They go from being the oldest, the "big kids" in primary to suddenly being chucked into secondary with no transistion. No wonder they feel under so much pressure to grow up quickly. I'd have paid for my kids to do a middle school system. My 2 boys high school experience along with my own were horrendous. They were both under so much pressure by Year 9 and had no energy to do anything. For 2 years every other bloody word was "GCSE". Even in the holiday's they just wanted to rest. Only went out with friends to KFC or to doss in someone's living room and have a takeaway. Meanwhile my friend's DS at 14 still plays out and lives and breathes his basketball. DS's both insist a kid who was always playing football would have got bullied and teased in their school.

The UK just seems depressing, and my friend's have said the same. My friend's own words were "You couldn't pay me to take my kids back to the UK now. There's so many more oppurtunities for them over here and they are both so much happier than I remember being at their age. We are never coming back." I still love the UK, and would never move to the US because of stuff like Trump and the godawful healthcare system etc. But forgetting stuff like that and just thinking about the kind of apmostphere I'd want to raise DC in, I'd choose the US any day of the week. I've heard of many people who have gone to the US and Canada with kids and have stated that their kids are doing amazing there. My friends knew another family who emigrated to Canada and eventually the parents came back but the DC (late teens who had been there 5 years) downright refused.

OP posts:
araiwa · 16/08/2019 06:24

Learning to drive at 17---》school shooter drills

Nextphonewontbesamsung · 16/08/2019 06:24

If you can overlook the gun crime and the school shootings then fair play to you.

tulippa · 16/08/2019 06:29

What you've described sounds good but from what I remember reading from American novels as a kid (so don't know how accurate) I was always mightily relieved I was British so I didn't have to go through the stress of having to get a prom date (I know this is creeping in a bit now) and period parties. I may have read too much Judy Blume!

Also guns.

cheeseandcrackers · 16/08/2019 06:33

Or is it that the children have to be more independent because the parents only get 2wks holiday a year, very limited part-time/flexible working opportunities and had to go back to work when their babies were just 12 weeks old (or sooner)? You couldn't pay me enough to do that...
Canada on the other hand is very different & I don't think you can lump the two together, or indeed consider all of the US to be the same..

WilsonandJackie · 16/08/2019 06:34

Oh god yes the guns are horrendous. I think Canada is a good compromise, no gun wankers, no Trump, no comercial healthcare. If I could redo my life I think I'd raise DC there. Best of both worlds.

OP posts:
Luaa · 16/08/2019 06:35

I'd move to Canada in an instant if I could.

I think there are so many more opportunities for children to be involved in whatever activities they want in America and Canada. Like running? There's a club for that. Like team sports? There's a club for that. Good at French? Let's move you up a year for French lessons. Like writing? Join the school paper. Maybe it's different in cities, but other than team sports there were never opportunities like that for me.

AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen · 16/08/2019 06:36

Canada yes, America no. Two very different countries.

Ritascornershop · 16/08/2019 06:37

Well, it’s a vast continent with huge differences in cultures, economic backgrounds etc. YABU to think there’s a similarity in experience across America/Canada.

I live in a medium sized city in Canada. In our province we have a massive opioid crisis & that’s affecting teenagers. Many of them do have part-time jobs, but there’s a lot of stress around exams, bullying, how can they afford adulthood when housing is so expensive. In my little corner, even with relatively decent government, socialized healthcare, and legal weed, it’s still tough being a teenager (even without school uniforms).

IronLion · 16/08/2019 06:37

I live abroad (not in the US or Canada) and childhood seems to go on a bit longer here too and be a bit more innocent. My kids are little but a family who recently moved here with teenagers say it’s much more relaxed with less pressure over material things or appearances, better attitudes towards education, more sport, less bullying, less early sex, more relaxed pace overall.

There is something toxic in the UK during the teen years IMO - based on my own experience and now observations when I go back. I guess it’s driven by cultural, social and economic aspects all mixed in but I am not sure I’d want my kids growing up there.

WilsonandJackie · 16/08/2019 06:37

@Luaa This is the kind of thing I'm talking about, there was def more flexibility for kids and teens in all aspects.

OP posts:
edgeofheaven · 16/08/2019 06:38

America is a huge country and it really depends on where you live and what your socioeconomic status is. I have family outside of New York and it's pretty nice. That area has quite strict gun laws, well educated population and a lot of jobs, good public (i.e. state) schools, etc. But if you don't have a good job America is not a great place at all to be, mainly due to healthcare, education, and safety.

Canada is safer and has better social welfare but has brutal winters.

edgeofheaven · 16/08/2019 06:39

I will also add - I think the anti-social behaviour that is common among British teenagers is unusual and something I haven't seen in other places I've lived.

WilsonandJackie · 16/08/2019 06:40

@IronLion Exactly my thoughts. I think the UK in general seems to have a weird attitude towards teenagers.

OP posts:
RushianDisney · 16/08/2019 06:40

And what about all the school shootings? Gun time in general? The astronomical cost of university? The cost of healthcare? My DFs old boss was American and told us he had had to save over a million dollars to put his three daughters through college Shock. I think this is a case of rose tinted glasses OP.

adaline · 16/08/2019 06:40

I get the impression that America is amazing if you're rich but not so great if you spend your life earning the minimum wage.

Ritascornershop · 16/08/2019 06:42

edgeofheaven, we don’t all have brutal winters. My part of Canada (around 2.5 million people) live in a climate similar to the south of England (I’ve lived here and in the UK). Definitely we are safer than America, better health care, etc, but it’s still hard being a teenager.

WilsonandJackie · 16/08/2019 06:43

@edgeofheaven That does seem especially bad over here. I've been verbally abused by teenage gangs during the day while just going about my business. Happens a good few times a year. But for the most part (as I said in OP, talking very generally here) in the US and even in Europe on holiday the local kids just seemed to be doing their own thing.

OP posts:
Ritascornershop · 16/08/2019 06:45

Rushian, a friend of mine (Canadian) is raising his kids in America. He was telling me they’ve put away hundreds of thousands for their university education. I was shocked - it’s a fraction of that in Canada, I thought he was out of his mind to spend that much.

hopefulhalf · 16/08/2019 06:48

DH is Canadian and he has a half sister who has grown up there. For refference we live in a medium size town in Kent my DC are 15 and 12, is now 18.

My observations:
My DC travel to school by public transport, are happy making their own way to and around London. She either takes the school bus or is driven even last summer aged 17 found getting the train daunting.
The winters in Canada are brutal, year round football (ds) or riding (dd) wouldn't be possible there. However she can iceskate beautifully.
Because of the dependance on the automobile she has only got a job now at 18.
Ds and his friends get paid to refferee football games for younger groups (£30 per game)
Dd will be paid for working at the stables when she turns 13.
My Dcs attend superselective single sex grammar schools with uniform. They take their studies seriously- school is school.
DN has been wearing makeup to school since she was 13 and tbh dressed like something out of my big fat gypsy wedding for her prom- glad they are out of that.

So good things and bad things both ways. I think British teenagers are more independant which is a good and a bad thing.

MabelMoo23 · 16/08/2019 06:50

Gun laws are enough to stop me living in the US. Wondering every time my children go to a friends house, are there guns in the house. And if so, are they safely locked away?

I’m not sure I could even allow my kids to visit a house that had guns in it

Canada, different matter!

That said, I agree, antisocial behaviour from kids does seem very prevalent in the UK

IronLion · 16/08/2019 06:51

But then I also think there’s something toxic in adulthood as well. There is a LOT of “keeping up with the Jones’” and following trends in the UK. Just look at the amount of houses with grey walls, grey kitchens etc on rightmove!!!

Where we live now, most people rent so the fashion to do a loft conversion, or extend out the back with bifolds etc doesn’t exist anywhere near as much.

And that translates down to kids. The craze of the new toys going through schools in the UK is insane. That just doesn’t happen here. Birthday parties in the UK have gone mad, my reception age kids were going to all sorts of huge all-class parties practically every week. It’s way more low-key here, like a play date with several children and a simple home made cake, and a small bag of sweets at the end instead of elaborate party bags. Much less fanfare all round.

I think the huge population and lack of space makes everyone go a bit mad Confused

MarshaBradyo · 16/08/2019 06:54

US no way

Canada too cold for me and I prefer being where the UK is in the world

The rest - uniforms don’t bother me I prefer them. My teenager does visit his friends and it’s great he just gets on a bus.

Sure there are probably pros but I have no desire to live in either really

Ritascornershop · 16/08/2019 06:54

A friend of mine lives in the cold part of Canada (again, we don’t all have harsh winters, same temperatures in Vancouver October-March as in London) and her teenager had a job in a cafe from age 15 (small town). So you can’t extrapolate one person’s experience to a whole country.

I can’t see why a Canadian city kid wouldn’t be on public transit. Mine were (daily) as teenagers, as was in when I was a teenager.

hopefulhalf · 16/08/2019 06:58

Luua where are you that there's no running club ? Over the years my dc have done ballet, judo, atheltics, rouders, art, french, netball as well has horse riding, football and rugby clubs. Costs vary but generally it has cost £3-5 a pop.

Oblomov19 · 16/08/2019 07:00

I have friends in Canada and the US. I disagree with some of what has been written, but unfortunately have to agree with the toxicity of what OP says.

But I'm not quite sure why this has happened in the UK. And I doubt it can be changed. Which seems such a shame.

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