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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not send my child to pre-school

122 replies

Mamaty · 16/08/2019 00:47

Signed her up.

Will be over 3.5 when starting preschool -2 days a week .starting very soon

Totally backing out now .

She’s never been without a family member .

Saw in news about the nursery Paedophile who was jailed which hasn’t helped me in the slightest .

We know that she would love nursery . She’s toilet trained but has the odd accident .

Is she ready to go to nursery ? when we went to visit she didn’t want to come home .

Should I have a chat with her about her privacy etc .

Should I send her at all .I’m so stressed about it ! I have another younger one so could quite as easily keep her at home till she starts school ... we do out to play groups regularly together , but realise she’s very much in the minority for not having been to nursery ? Heart of hearts don’t want her to go , though OH is for it .

Any advice welcome

OP posts:
missyB1 · 16/08/2019 09:16

You need to send her for her own sake. You need to put your fears and anxieties to one side. She’s never been without a family member looking after her? Then there’s a fair chance she will struggle big time in reception class if you don’t let her go to pre school.
I think you need to be careful you don’t pass in your fears to your child.

cranstonmanor · 16/08/2019 09:23

It sounds like preschool is a big step for you. Could you build up to it? Like leave her with a babysitter or a friend who has other children too? That way your child can experience different rules and you can get used to the idea of letting go for a few hours. Pkus, if it is too much for you , you can pick them up earlier.

Rainbowknickers · 16/08/2019 09:27

I felt the same over every single one of mine
But I sent them anyway (not easy-at one point I was sat outside in tears)
And they LOVED it
Be warned tho-they seem to grow up over a few months and then school
Do more research than the fbi
Make sure your happy with the nursery and a few taster days etc
There may be a few tears to start with but then she’ll be fine

Original poster
Mamaty · 16/08/2019 09:32

Shortstuff99

Have you read your post ? You are the one who needs to learn some manners .

OP posts:
LemonPrism · 16/08/2019 09:35

She's ready. I know it's hard, but I started actual school at 4 and LOVED primary school. Also loved nursery. I actually have vivid memories of nursery and the interaction - very glad my mum gave me the socialisation.

Shortstuff99 · 16/08/2019 09:37

Have you read your post ?

Ok focus on me, telling you how it is straight up, and ignore 3 pages of posters telling you exactly the same thing more gently, Classic AIBU.

Whilst it is easier to point the finger at others and blame them for your issues, it’s often worth looking at yourself. Your opinion in this matter is very much a minority so instead of wasting time focusing on me and my writing style why don’t you accept your irrational anxiety and get some help before it starts to affect your child.

Original poster
Mamaty · 16/08/2019 09:41

Shirtstuff99

Sorry I’m not reading your posts anymore .

Yes I am reading the rest of the posts from other helpful posters with varying views , and no one has been as rude as you are .

OP posts:
Bloodybanana · 16/08/2019 09:43

You don't have to send her if you don't want to but your worries could easily be the same for starting school and you can't back out as easily then

GiveMeHope103 · 16/08/2019 09:48

Completely understand your fears but yabu. Shes more likely ready than you believe. Imo you can always tell the difference between children who have been in some sort of educational setting and those who havent.
My ds has been in nursery since 15 months and this was by our choice ( am a sahm). He has been mon- friday 8-12pm. He loves it and it's amazing how much he learns. Not to mention the social aspect. They do so much that a sahp cant keep up with.

seven201 · 16/08/2019 09:58

"I suppose I’m worried about the obvious things parents worry about". I've never worried about there being paedophiles at my daughter's nursery. I've missed her, but not worried about her. She learns so much and has a great time.

My dd's being going to nursery since she was a baby, but if I'd been a sahm I'd definitely be enrolling her into pre-school to help the transition to school.

Aprillygirl · 16/08/2019 10:17

You've said yourself that you know that your DD would love nursery so I think it'd be a great shame if she missed out just because of your anxiety. Worrying about our kids is all part of life and actually THE worst thing about having them as far as I'm concerned, but if you don't let go bit by bit, despite how worried you feel, it's them who will suffer. Let her go OP. It is hard at first, but so lovely when you pick them up and they're all happy and chatting on about their morning/day. Plus you get to have lots and lots of lovely pictures to chuck in the recycling hang on your walls Smile

Shortstuff99 · 16/08/2019 10:41

no one has been as rude as you are

Are you sure about that. Pretty sure I didn’t tell anyone to ‘piss off’, that was you btw.

Kplpandd · 16/08/2019 10:45

I would send her and give it a try with the knowledge that if she doesn't settle you can pull her out. My youngest didn't settle so Ive reduced his hours, my eldest two were absolutely fine

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 16/08/2019 10:49

I would think there is more risk of paedophilia from extended family than nursery in general.

You have said she tried it and didn't want to come home. I would think that's your answer. It's free, assuming you get the 30 hours, she will still be with you for the majority of the week, she likes it, and it will give you some one on one time with the smaller one

Oblomov19 · 16/08/2019 10:51

Maybe see you GP to talk about your anxiety, generally, not just related to the pre-school issue?
My 2 ds's loved preschool. I loved the break. Allowed me to work part time. Brilliant.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 16/08/2019 10:53

Saw in news about the nursery Paedophile who was jailed which hasn’t helped me in the slightest

You do realise that, statistically, your child is much more likely to be abused by a relative or family friend than by nursery staff?

GoGoGoGoGo · 16/08/2019 10:55

It’s normal to feel anxious about sending them to nursery and Pre school. I didn’t have a choice as I had to go back to work. However they loved it. My youngest has loved every day of going to nursery, pre school and school. I’ve never had a problem leaving him.

However the bit that concerns me is that you know your DD would love it be you are letting your anxiety take over and you are stopping her going. Your DD could very well pick up on it, don’t let it change your decisions. If you know she’ll enjoy it then send her. Else your anxiety could make her struggle settling in to school.

I liked that mine had friends they knew before starting school, it made transitions easier.

NoSauce · 16/08/2019 11:20

I agree this is about your anxiety OP.
Ime it does them good to mix with other children outside of their own family, to get them used to a school setting albeit a very relaxed one for eg learning to interact, share, listen, there’s lots of activities too that you might not have at home also.

I wouldn’t rule it out.

Teddybear45 · 16/08/2019 11:22

Most kids are sexually abused by a family member not a stranger or nursery nurse.

BrunettesDoItBetter · 16/08/2019 11:25

She needs to make friends and learn how to interact with kids she doesnt know.Ds went to nursery at 2.5 for 2 mornings a week then at 3 he did 2 full days.Hes now at school age 5.5 and going into Year 1 in September,he really enjoys it and has lots of friends.

Glitterblue · 16/08/2019 11:28

I felt exactly like this. I desperately didn't want her to go and ended up sending her for 2 hours on a monday morning for a term then a ful Monday morning and Wednesday morning the next term then added in the transition mornings for the last term.

SignedUpJust4This · 16/08/2019 11:31

Why not start with just half a day? Then a full day? Then a full 2 days?

Honestly OP kids benefit so much from a pre school setting and I think you both need some time to ease yourself into this or school will be an awful shock to her system.

I think your fears are a bit odd and maybe you need counselling

Bluntness100 · 16/08/2019 11:34

Not sending her is for your benefit not hers. As a parent you need to learn to put your child first, not continue to put uou first.

As she's a,ready loved it and it will help her with socialisation and starting school. Then send her and try not to let your own feelings impact her.

oldbuthappygothgirl · 16/08/2019 11:51

Agree with the majority of the posters who've said that you need to address your anxiety OP. Pre school is a really positive experience for kids. No you don't have to send her, but if your reason for not doing so is that you are worried the staff are peadophiles, you have an issue you need to work through yourself.

Yabbers · 16/08/2019 11:55

It was perfectly normal not to use nursery until about, I don’t know 10 years ago?

Correct, you don’t know.

It was 40 years since I was in pre-school. Mum was largely a SAHM but we still went to pre-school twice a week, as did most of the kids on our estate. It was considered useful to get children into some kind of setting even way back then.

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