To not send my child to pre-school

[Mamaty]

Signed her up.

Will be over 3.5 when starting preschool -2 days a week .starting very soon

Totally backing out now .

She’s never been without a family member .

Saw in news about the nursery Paedophile who was jailed which hasn’t helped me in the slightest .

We know that she would love nursery . She’s toilet trained but has the odd accident .

Is she ready to go to nursery ? when we went to visit she didn’t want to come home .

Should I have a chat with her about her privacy etc .

Should I send her at all .I’m so stressed about it ! I have another younger one so could quite as easily keep her at home till she starts school ... we do out to play groups regularly together , but realise she’s very much in the minority for not having been to nursery ? Heart of hearts don’t want her to go , though OH is for it .

Any advice welcome

I always used to think it was rubbish to say kids need Preschool to prepare for nursery, to prepare for reception... What do they need to prepare for Preschool then?

But in actuality, Preschool is a much easier environment to start with, because of the smaller ratios and fewer children. Joining somewhere where there's one adult to a few children is so different to two adults to 26 kids (as at our nursery) or 2 adults to 30 kids. Being able to have individual attention from a Preschool teacher really helped my little ones.

I personally think 4 years old is ridiculously young to even start school.

Perhaps so, but that's the reality for many children in this country.

Pre school is totally unnecessary, except as a safe place for the child of working parents.

I disagree. Pre-school helps a lot of children to thrive socially. You really can't compare a child at home with a few siblings at most, to being in a class with those of the same age. Also in many cases it makes the transition to school so much easier.

Yanbu, but nurserys do take precautions to avoid dodgy staff so try not to hold that against them as it's pretty rare to get a bad one (same risk with teachers I'd have thought!).
I have to send dd to nursery from under 1 because I'm back to work.
I am generally pro pre school I think it's good for the kids to socialise and good for parents to get a bit of time off parenting but it isn't mandatory nor should it be

If she would love it, then let her go. You can’t keep her attached to you forever. It’s healthy for children to socialise and form bonds with other people without an anxious parent constantly hovering nearby.
I know it seems like a big deal now but honestly, it will become routine.

This is about what is best for your DD and not letting your anxiety rule her life.

My dd is the same age as yours and starts in 2 weeks. She has a brother who she plays/ fights with but I want her to widen her social circle and make friends with other kids. I think it will benefit her, her brother will be joining her next year. She went to nursery from 10 months though for 2 mornings a week.

If your dd enjoyed being there why not give it a chance? You can withdraw them at any time as far as I am aware. It isn't an easy decision to ever leave your child but this isn't about you, more if you think she will thrive in a different environment.

If she wants to go then it's not about her. It's about you and your insecurities.

You don't have to send her, but you are just putting your concerns on hold for a year.
You will feel even worse next year when she has to go 5 full days a week. Why not introduce her slowly at pre school with a few sessions a week.

She will learn so many social skills that you can't teach her, for example, sitting in a group listening to a story, negotiating turn taking, sharing toys, following rules such as ' no running indoors,' when it is time to sit quietly, when it is time to play, how to wait for an adults attention if they are dealing with another child.
She will practice skills that you possibly would do for her without even thinking, such as put her coat on, and shoes, toil etting and hand washing, tidying up toys and meal times. She will learn to tolerate delay. That is something that is very difficult to learn at home. For example, if she decides she has finished with her doll and wants to read a book, she can just go and pick the book up at home. At pre school someone else might be reading it, and there may be another child already waiting for it. She will have to wait, or find something else to occupy herself with.
All these things are very small on their own, but lead to a child who starts school ready to learn.

I think it’s good for them socially to mix in a pre school or nursery type of environment. It’s also a much easier transition for both you and them when they come to start school.
In my opinion children who spend too much time with grandparents and miss out on the nursery/preschool experience tend to be less sociable and able to mix and make and keep friends with their peers when they start school. I think I would give it a proper try and it would probably be good for you, your DD and younger sibling who would benefit from one to one time.

I was the same as you but I'm glad I did it. My lo had only been looked after family and preschool was a shock to the system for my lo but ultimately has prepared him well for school so now I feel less nervous about school. I think 2 days a week is a good balance.

The hardest thing about being a parent is letting go. You want them to be with you near you forever but that just not how growing up works.

The key statements here are

I know she would love nursery
When we went to visit she didn’t want to come home

You don’t want her to go because you aren’t ready for her to go or grow up but it sounds like she is

There is no need to send her if you are not comfortable. It’s mostly for the convenience of working parents anyway.
Mine did not start until they turned 5 and it was mandatory. They did not find it difficult at all because they had been going to various play groups since age 2.
They weren’t “behind” academically or otherwise either.

I would send her. I was and still am a SAHM but both my children went to preschool at 3.

Even if you take your child and socialise them with other children you are still there. Preschool does help children transition into the school setting and there is a reason the government are willing to fund nursery places from 3.

We are much in the same position OP (although my DD went to nursery from 6 months one day a week for a while, but I pulled her out). She starts in September 5 days a week and I'm so nervous but I feel she really needs it. She struggles a bit with socialisation and will be one of the youngest in the year next september at school. I have cousins that went straight to school and they both really struggled with school both social and the education side.

If she hates it after half a term I'll reduce her hours but I think it's important to try. And she is excited about the idea of it!

As a mother of 8 children, do what you feel is right for your child and circumstances. If your child wants to go then great! If you don't like the idea and child is unhappy don't send them! Don't be swayed by other people!

It wasn’t perfectly normal to not use nursery until 10 years ago , even 38 years ago when I was young the majority of children started nursery at 3 🙄

I am a similar age and I was thinking this. I went to "playschool" as it was called then. Even now, probably 35 years later I have lovely memories of it and met children I then went on to school with.
OP - I think no one else can tell you what to do. It's up to you. Personally I think pre school is an excellent idea. I definitely benefitted from it for the above mentioned reasons and my DC did too. But that's my own experience and my situation/feelings were very different to yours. Go with what you're happy with but try and make sure your concerns are on a rational basis rather than catastrophising.

As everyone else says, you don’t have to send her but in my view it’s massively beneficial for most children.

My DS loved pre-school, I was a SAHM so I could have easily kept him at home but he thrived at pre school and had so many different experiences that I could never have provided at home. I also think it is very important for children to learn to socialise and mix with other adults and children. I am a strong believer in the ‘it takes a village’ approach. I also never wanted my child to be over dependent on me and DH, there’s a whole world out there for your child to explore.

It’s mostly for the convenience of working parents anyway.

This is absolute nonsense. Private nurseries, absolutely. Preschool - no! They go from 9:30 till 1:30 in a lot of them - on what planet is that "convenient" for anyone with a job outside of those hours?!

Definitely send her. If it's a disaster (which it won't be) you can stop sending her. She'll love it. She'll be very stimulated and enjoy making friends. It'll really help prepare her for school.

“It’s mostly for the convenience of working parents anyway.

This is absolute nonsense. Private nurseries, absolutely. Preschool - no! They go from 9:30 till 1:30 in a lot of them - on what planet is that "convenient" for anyone with a job outside of those hours?!”

It’s free hours of childcare so parents need only pay for a childminder for a half day instead of full day. This makes the difference in cost for a lot of families so a parent can return to work. U.K. benefits for single parents are cut at age 3 based on this reality as well. Finally, even work from home parents find it convenient to have a block of 4hrs in the middle of the work day to do any tele-conferences they need to do.

You don't have to send her.....but can I gently suggest that you think about your own anxiety and start to address the worry. It will start to impact on your kids they will see that you think that the world is a scary bad place with scary bad people and they will start to believe this too. It isn't, but worry can be really limiting and prevents you (and possibly your dc) from doing lots of things....Not to mention it's exhausting and time consuming

That’s a stupid reason for not sending them to pre school ‘they might be abused by a pedo’ ffs
Get a grip
Yet you’re ok sending them to school, what’s the difference

Yabu.
Totally understand the need/desire to protect her, of course that's what every parent wants. These fears are entirely natural and understandable, although perhaps inflamed by the news. No-one actively chooses to put their child at risk, but there comes a point, i believe, where you have to weigh the pros of encouraging independence and socialisation against the incredibly low risk of a nursery staff member causing harm.
Your child will benefit enormously from time with other children and other adults, it will help improve confidence around new people, broaden experience and help prepare for school and clearly your child seems likely to enjoy the experience.
It feels like your fear/anxiety is the problem rather than your childs readiness. Maybe sit down with the nursery manager and have a chat about it. I'm sure you're not the first parent with concerns and they probably have tons of information that would help put your mind at rest.

Shortstuff99

If you don’t want to be helpful . Piss off .

I never said my child ‘might be anything ...’ . I said seen the news which hasn’t helped ....

I am being helpful, you’re being overprotective and irrational. Sorry to be the one to point it out.
Why don’t you learn some manners too.

This is about your anxiety, not your child. If you don't tackle it you're going to really struggle when she starts school.