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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To ask if you would give up your seat?

136 replies

eidajbaby · 15/08/2019 19:46

I was on the tube home and the train was busy but not overly packed. A man got onto the train with a pushchair. He asked the lady who was stood next to me if she could move so he could park his pushchair in the bay. She moved. He then walked over and asked if he could have my seat (which was next to the bay). I looked up and said “I’m sorry?” and he repeated his question. I was about taken aback because I didn’t see that he had any right to ask me to give up my seat, but then I thought I would feel a bit of a dick refusing! I’m genuinely interested in what others would do in this situation. I still don’t know whether I should have said no... I wouldn’t have expected anyone to give their seat up for me when I had my little one in a pushchair. CF? Thoughts?

OP posts:
PrayingandHoping · 15/08/2019 20:05

He could have had an invisible disability but then so could the person that he was asking to move......

Original poster
eidajbaby · 15/08/2019 20:06

That’s totally fair. I guess I was wondering whether I was being a mug for just standing up. Like I said my conscious said to just stand so I did but afterwards I thought it was fairly bold. Like I said I would never have dreamed of expecting someone to give up their seat. But everyone has their own needs

OP posts:
summersherewishiwasnt · 15/08/2019 20:09

Thing is if he should be given the seat incase he has a hidden disability, what about if you also have s hidden disability ?. No right or wrong ime.

7salmonswimming · 15/08/2019 20:09

The child is actually a red herring (well, hopefully not but ykwim). Being with a child, especially one who’s comfortably sitting in their push chair, doesn’t mean you need to sit down.

You have to admire some people’s brazenness. I can’t imagine thinking “let me unseat that person who looks quite content as she is, so I can sit down contentedly myself”. It’s such a strange thing to do.

ThisHereMamaBear · 15/08/2019 20:10

It's odd he asked! I was on a train back from London a few months ago, ds1 was 4 and ds2 was 4 months, no one offered a seat. In the end, we sat down on the floor so i could breastfeed 😫 i thought someone might offer a seat!

7salmonswimming · 15/08/2019 20:10

Sorry, to answer the question: I would probably have looked totally confused and said “why?”

GruciusMalfoy · 15/08/2019 20:13

Right now I wouldn't move, because it'd cause me pain to stand. I'd move if there were other seats available.

Dollyparton3 · 15/08/2019 20:13

I was on the tube last night and a man walked into the carriage and said "I can't stand, would anyone mind giving me their seat please?" 30 odd year old guy, looked healthy enough but 4 of us including me jumped up straight away.

My logic is always: I've been sat down all day, no problem! You never know, he might just have had backache from pushing a buggy around all day

strawbmilk · 15/08/2019 20:15

On some of the newer tubes there are 3 flip seats for wheelchairs and buggys. I've never been offered the this space but to use it the buggy takes up 2 seats so it seems a waste of 2 seats people could have for a child that is in a seat!

I would have done the same as you and got up it of embarrassment. But then I got up out of the priority seat when I was 9 months pregnant when a lady asked me to move to park her shopping trolley 😂

Original poster
eidajbaby · 15/08/2019 20:15

Sorry to hear that ThisHereMamaBear. That’s awful!

7Salmonswimming: one half of me soooo wishes I’d said that. The other half thinks that at least I did my act of kindness for the day - even if I got mugged off Hmm

OP posts:
cardibach · 15/08/2019 20:16

And if there weren’t any other seats, as is the situation here, cadbury?

IceIceCoffee · 15/08/2019 20:18

Unless he has an invisible disability the logical thing for him to do was to stand by his pram surely. I do.

tierraJ · 15/08/2019 20:22

If he had no invisible disability then he should man up & stand!!

Having a child does not give you the right to a seat.

Personally I have a sore hip at present so I wouldn't have given up my seat.

Masketti · 15/08/2019 20:23

I was on the tube with my 6 & 4 year old and despite it being 4.30pm people were rushing to offer us seats on the hottest day of the year. I was overwhelmed with kindness.

However, I would have been equally confused if he simply wanted a seat next to the pushchair. That's convenience not necessity.

MRex · 15/08/2019 20:31

I'd move because it'd be easy for me to grab a seat at the next stop, whereas he wouldn't be able to leave the pushchair, I thought that's why people offer me seats when I'm with DS in his pushchair, so now I'm a bit confused. I've actually had far more seats offered to me when I have DS in a pushchair than when I was heavily pregnant. I offer my seat if it's next to any young children, because it's easier for their parent to entertain them quietly sitting down at their level and because I prefer peace and quiet as much as possible.

MRex · 15/08/2019 20:33

I forgot add my main point, that maybe he's just used to pepple offering that seat so he got confused. Or maybe he has a health condition. Or he's a lazy git.

SirJamesTalbot · 15/08/2019 20:34

It would probably depend how I felt (physically) myself. Earlier this summer, I had a painful ankle so standing was tricky on one foot. Otherwise, I'm normally happy to leap up and offer seats.

Original poster
eidajbaby · 15/08/2019 20:37

Ah thanks for all the replies. You’ve made me feel better about my decision. Wow MRex maybe you’re right and I should have offered. Still I’m giggling away at all the comments at how cheeky he was. I’m still leaning more to the fact he was cheeky. But THEN would I have felt the same if a mum had asked me Hmm ?!? I like to think that I’d feel the same but worried I had a bit of unconscious bias...

OP posts:
Sexnotgender · 15/08/2019 20:50

I totally misread your op and thought he’d got on in a wheelchair Grin I was very confused!

I’d probably not have given up my seat. Equally as a parent I’d have stood beside my pram rather than sit down.

50shadesofblackclothing · 15/08/2019 20:57

I would move if most people under most circumstances asked for my seat as I do not have a hidden disability and would assume they did- as long as it made no difference to me. On a very long journey or if I did have a reason to need to sit at that time I'd say no.

janj2301 · 15/08/2019 20:59

Hubby is disabled but looks fine, when we get on a packed train lots of people offer me a seat, i'm very old, and I pass it to my hubby, I do explain to the generous person why. Also when i have a seat I always look up at every stop to see if someone more in need has got on. I am of course holier than thou

Time40 · 15/08/2019 21:01

I'd ask why.

kitk · 15/08/2019 21:02

I would def give up a seat for a parent to sit next to their child. Unless the child is sleeping then they'll want some contact/ interaction with their parent

50shadesofblackclothing · 15/08/2019 21:12

To the PP's saying 'if he didn't have a hidden disability..' etc- how would OP know if he did or didn't? Do you expect him to announce it and give details on a busy train? My friend has one which was exacerbated by pregnancy and wore a baby on board badge on the tube, she asked for a seat and heard the seat giver mutter something knowing she was in earshot along the lines of pregnancy being a choice, not an illness and was mortified- got off at the next stop and was really upset. Should she have had to announce to them that she has X and needed to sit as being pregnant made it very difficult to stand? If you are perfectly able to stand (as in, wouldn't have asked for a seat yourself if there had been nothing available when you got on or wouldn't have suffered from standing) surely you wouldn't expect him to announce it?

SimonJT · 15/08/2019 21:25

I would give mine up, I rarely bother to even attempt to get a seat on the tube. My boyfriend has a disability which means his balance isn’t great and gripping etc with his hands can be difficult, so if he is stood on a tube he needs someone holding him. He looks perfectly able bodied and does sometimes get snide comments when asking for a seat.