To be scared to death that my OH is seriously ill?

[maz2003]

My OH developed what looked like an eye infection the week before our twins birthday in March. He refused to do anything about it that week but halfway through their party decided to seek advice from the pharmacy (leaving me to deal with the party.)
That was 22 weeks ago.
His whole right face is swollen as is his nose. The swollen area is very red sometimes verging in purple. He has seen his GP ( not the same surgery as me) and she has been consistently hopeless. He has had no blood or labs done. He is a smoker ( smoked 30 a day for 45 years... he is 58). He told her he quit 6 years ago but he didn't.
He has been seen by ophthalmology who say it's not an eye issue. They refused to say what they thought it was. They suggested dermatology. It's taken 8 weeks to get a dermatology appointment.
I am very concerned that this is very serious, however he is old school and thinks the GP always knows best.
I recently betrayed his trust by showing pics of his symptoms to a friend's husband who is a well regarded ENT specialist and he tried to help by suggesting how he could be seen at ENT quickly but my oh is insisting the GP knows best.
AIBU to try and speak to his GP? Is this just unethical. We have 3 young kids and he is a stay at home dad (retired). The children wouldn't do well without him.
I am very scared.

@HMArsey my father has been very ill so he has been my priority. I have other family members with health needs ( my eldest child has an ear problem, has had surgery and this now needs to be reversed and I have power of attorney for my aunt with dementia.)
I am still on edge about OH but symptomatically he is getting worse and my hope is there will come a tipping point. That said it's been over 6 months.
I feel like I am drowning in health issues but I need to prioritise those and if OH doesn't acknowledge his I am turning my energy to the other situations.
I don't think I will ever fully forgive him for this. The children obviously notice his face. One of my twins (age 6) is badly affected by looking at his face. That is heartbreaking.

OP I would email the Practice Manager of your gp surgery with a small note telling them you are writing to follow up a conversation with the GP on (important to include date) as you don't believe the GP has had the opportunity to yet contact your husband and that you are growing increasingly worried because your husband is getting worse

Make it very clear that it's not a complaint and in fact your husband thinks very highly of the GP.

Attach some of photos to show how the symptoms have progressed

Then in the main letter to the gp refer to the pics, again menfiom how much your husband thinks of the gp and you are very grateful she will agreed to call him in to review his results

You have a lot on your plate, OP.

@backup2019 thank you for this suggestion. I have considered writing to the pm however the GP refused to do anything unless I told OH I had spoken to her. I won't be bullied.
I think I am over getting involved.

Oh that's a shame she said that op. What would your dp say if he knew?

@backup2019 he will never know. I made that quite clear.

Turns out the next dermatology appointment is in 5 months. I totally give up.

Is this a derm appointment a referral from the GP or a private one?

@HMArsey it was GP/NHS. We have private medical, with no exceptions on dermatology.

That's a long time to wait, OP. I can imagine you're totally wrung out by the whole thing.

@HMArsey it's apparently going to be an emergency referral but even so... I saw him reading one of the papers I sent him in July... I feel like this is a small victory. How sad!

That is good, at least he is stepping out of his denial a little.

If you have private medical I cannot fathom why he wouldn't ask the GP to refer to private. Other than your OH's ridiculous, selfish denial.

I'd be screaming bloody murder tbh and threatening to throw his arse out the house if he doesn't take his health seriously. He is a muppet.

@NanooCov totally in keeping with his illogical and selfish approach to this whole debacle. We are in a very fortunate position.

@Andysbestadventure a muppet is putting it politely. 🤣

Update:
My OH decided two weeks ago that he accepted what I was suggesting was wrong with him enough to discuss it with his GP. She was less than interested but referred him back to dermatology as an emergency.
In the meantime he asked my to write my reasons for thinking it was Dermatomyositis and what we wanted to see as the next course of action/treatment.
The dermatologist read it and said he agreed with every word including the blood tests that I had asked for and an eye and cheek biopsy.
The NHS don't do all the tests however we will transfer to a private rheumatologist depending on the blood results that have been done. The biopsy could take up to 5 weeks.
I feel pleased it's moving on, and very sad that it took four months for anyone to listen to me. Still, at least he seems to be going in the right direction for a definitive diagnosis.

Oh OP I’m so pleased x

I’ve followed this thread from the start - good update!

That’s definitely positive progress, at least he now seems to be listening to you and taking your concerns seriously. Nothing seems to move quickly, but I wish you well going forward (and change your gp).

Well done for not giving up and for believing in your own gut feeling all along, I'm sorry it's taken so long for you both. (I have been quietly following this thread, since your original post)

Thank you all for your advice, support and encouragement.

Well done OP.

I’ve also been following this one, worried from afar! Hope it all works out well for you.

Have you had the blood test results, OP?

It turned out that the NHS will only do limted tests and not specifically the ones that he needs, however to address this a biopsy was booked. That took place this week however whatever reason they removed a mole on his face and didnt do the agreed biopsy.
We are now not talking about this situation as its caused a lot of problems in the relationship and I am now seeing a counsellor. Its all a bit shit tbh. In a nutshell we are no further forward with a diagnosis and the symptoms are getting worse. It is however not my situation to own, and it was a dreadful mistake to even try.