“Suck your mum”

[Firedogs12]

DD aged 18 said this to me. I said it was offensive and asked her not to say it. She said she and DS aged 15 say it all the time (to each other and to their friends) and it doesn’t mean anything. She says it’s a generation thing. I said that my gran used to use n*gger but it doesn’t mean it’s ok.

AIBU to find it offensive? Do your teenagers say it?

Where I used to live it was “yir ma”. Short for “smell yir ma”, to be accompanied by waving fingers. Totally crass and guaranteed to start a fight! I’d be pretty cross if someone said that to me.

That's so gross.

Of course it means something. I feel so old sometimes in thinking teens should realise what they say has consequences in the world. And not only teenagers, actually.

It originated from Jamaican patois (“suck ya mudda”) and is definitely not a good or innocuous phrase.

Your DCs should ideally refrain from using this phrase in any context - it’s not a mile curse

• or a mild curse even

If she says it again, say well you did! (If you bf), preferably in front of her friends.
I worked at a YOI, it's quite an insult.

"Yer da sells Avon" would literally make me crease if anyone said that to me 😂😂

@constipatedoverweightoldlady
Op should say that to her dds friends!

If my child said that I'd talk at great length about how they did indeed, for a long time, suck their mum.

I remember kids saying this when I was a teen 20 years ago!

It was only the really rough kids, mostly boys, that said it. It usually caused a fight.

She needs to be careful if she's (and your DS) saying it a lot thinking it's mild, she's likely to end up with a reaction she's not expecting.

It basically means fuck off. But stronger.

I'm sorry to be so explicit OP, but you don't seem to be getting the hints from pp. She's telling people to perform oral sex on their mothers. That's likely to result in violence in the wrong situation.

Ask them if they know what it means. Keep a straight face. Then question their answer until they realise how crass it is. Pull them up and question every. single. time. It is amazing how many different ways you can ask the same question.

I heard a woman walking through Stratford the other day having an argument on the phone she kept screaming “suck your mum” loudly
Over and over again.

I think it's supposed to be slang for piss off. Heard my ds saying it to his friend in a 'banter'

It doesn't literally mean to suck your mum. It's just a common phrase from youth culture and hiphop/grime. I wouldn't worry.

Definitely ask them if they know what it means. Quiz them on it like Jamie says. Over and over. It will gross them out and they won't use it again.

I grew up in a rough area and this was banded about, alot.

It's basically saying "go suck your mothers pussy"

Back in my days, throwing it around was guaranteed to get you a slap in the mouth. It's horrid.

Why are people randomly downgrading the phrase and saying “I think it’s this.. but I wouldn’t worry”.. when people including myself have clearly pointed out that it’s a taboo and potentially incendiary phrase?

Just because something becomes more commonplace doesn’t necessarily always mean it’s less potent.

If someone in the street said to someone directly “oi...fuck off!!” then you might expect a reaction. Well, “oi..suck your mum” can provoke similar or worse reactions considering that it has a familial bent

Yes some kids might jokingly say “suck ya mum” back and forth in banter, like others would say “haha fuck off!!” if someone overstepped the line.

But it doesn’t make it any less incendiary. Don’t say it, dont let your DCs say it fgs.

Amen @RubaDubMum89 finally someone who isn’t guessing to sound knowledgeable and who actually knows

This thread reminds me of Donnie Darko. “Oh, please, tell me, Elizabeth, how exactly does one suck a fuck?”

Ask them if they know what it means. Keep a straight face. Then question their answer until they realise how crass it is.

This, absolutely. They genuinely may have never really thought about what it means. I remember being absolutely horrified at the same age when I suddenly realised why people called a vagina a 'gash' - I knew it was a crude word, but I hadn't fully grasped how crude.

This was when I was a bit younger but I also remember being mortified when my dad had a huge go at me for saying 'twat', which I thought was interchangeable with 'twit'. He thought I was being incredibly rude, I thought I was being jovial!

I’ve never heard of it but surely people complaining it’s offensive are missing the point that it’s supposed to be. You don’t say fuck you (if that really is the equivalent) to be nice

Your 18 year old said that to you?! It doesn't matter what it means, she's totally disrespecting you, being childish and well old enough to know better.
I've taught in PRUs in London and as others have said,it's very rude.
I would be livid if my adult child spoke to me like that then said it's ok because younger kids say it. She sounds very immature

Ask her why she doesn’t say suck your dad if it’s so lighthearted. It’s horrible.

@Caucho

I’m not complaining that it’s offensive. I know it is.

I’m pointing out to folk who breezily and baselessly claim “it’s nothing to worry about”, that it actually is

Everyone used to say this when I was a teenager. Never resulted in violence, usually laughter. I went to a rough school though

I've seen many fights start from a person saying that to another person!