Currently in bed with my ex...

[Lostinspacecakes]

Ugh! After 6 long weeks, I moved out on Friday. So far, we’ve seen eachother every day. He’s been round here for dinner,seeing the kids etc.
Back-story... together 10 years, 3 DC, wedding was booked. Our relationship died though. He never wanted to spend any time together, I was very much taken for granted as ‘mum’ and ‘housewife’, told him MANY times I was unhappy but he just didn’t believe me. Anyway, I kissed another man and told DP the next day.
He was devastated. I thought he wouldn’t be that bothered and would be glad it was all over. I was very wrong.
So, the next 6 weeks were spent living under the same roof and, while it was awful, it was perfect, too. He was attentive, talked TO me, not AT me, spent time with me, came to school events for the DC(something he’s never done before). He turned into my dream guy overnight. But he couldn’t get past what I’d done-fair enough.
I’d said, until I move out, I’m totally willing to work on this. He didn’t want to. Now I’ve moved out, he can’t get enough of me! I don’t know how I feel now though. I’m enjoying my independence and the freedom.
But, he’s in my bed... we had sex. Twice. It was better than ever.
I need to miss him to work out if I want this again. He needs to miss me too. But we can’t bear to be away from eachother.
Ffs!
How do I do this?!

you should both go for counselling.I don’t see why it couldn’t work..

I've had this before in a 'childish' relationship where we fought like kids... then broke up, had a 'break' then I slept with someone else - the SO (now an ex!) cheated on me whilst we were together but I didn't know, hey ho!

My SO then used the same words on me as yours has done on you - didn't like the fact I'd slept etc with another man - and got back with him - but we'd broken up, I'd dumped him. So it was double standards.

Your ex is using the kiss (which is nothing btw) as a stick to beat you with and he'll still use it going forwards. He's quite happy to have you dancing to his tune and controlling you.

Despite the 3DC etc you have other problems. I'd end it.

MAYBE, just maybe, he has actually realised what he has lost and how bad a partner he was.

He is trying to make up for it now.

Jesus, sometimes it is worth giving someone the benefit of the doubt. Not suspect that he is following some kind of script. MN seems to WANT people to dump their husbands.

Why not take it easy and go with the flow if that's what you want, because lets face it - it wont be long before he reverts back to his old self if he isn't being genuine.

So you haven't had a day's peace to think about things since you moved out? Tell him to stay away for a few weeks so you can actually think about what you want. And please don't get pregnant right now!

Take the time to be on your own with the DC and think about what you want.

@Lostinspacecakes
You had an exit kiss- like an exit affair. Not mature, Pretty grubby way to behave. if you were unhappy you should have had the courage to say so and plan a sensible exit for you and your kids.

Making your partner jealous and then expecting him to do what- turn into Prince Charming? So now he's all over you and IS Prince Charming! And do you want him?

As you have 3 children you both need to grow up.
Spend that £1000 on counselling with Relate and sort yourselves out. You have 3 kids to think of, not just your own sexual satisfaction. Giving him 6 weeks to sort out his behaviour was not exactly talking like sensible, mature adults.

You need t o work on your relationship together and put your kids first until you are sure you have tried everything to make it work. it's not just about you or him it's about 3 kids who are in the middle of all of this.

Hysterical bonding. It's a thing. It's also not real.

@Lostinspacecakes Maybe question your own mindset and motives rather than his? (He's not exactly your ex yet as you only moved out 7 days ago.) You kissed a man, so assume you were looking for one, when you were still living with your partner. That means you had made a decision then to go out to a club, bar, look online etc long before you moved out. But why did you need tell your partner?

Was it to get a reaction and also prove you could still attract men? There is no other reason, really.And if that's why, what did you want him to do? was it a test to see if he cared enough to have you back and try again? or just some kind of revenge tactic? because the better way would have been to love out and then date other men if that is what you want to do, and not tell your partner at all (he'd be well and truly an ex by then.)

I don't see why you had to tell him at all, IF you were certain in your own mind the relationship was over.

It seems a nasty thing to do either to upset him and make him jealous, or a 'test' you set him. It's as much you as him who has created this problem. The point now is whether you start talking to each other about if your relationship can be saved.

I think it's a bit unfair posters are siding with you because the fact is you created this problem by kissing and telling in th e first place.

'love out' - LOL- = move out!

Why did you move out, and where are the DC? Is he seeking to have them more than 50% of the time?

And yes, hysterical bonding.

DC moved with me. They stay with us both equally.
They’re unaware that he’s stayed last night.
I’d been telling him for months that I wasn’t happy, that I wanted to leave him. But he didn’t seem to believe me. I didn’t go looking to kiss someone. I told him so that it was the final nail in the coffin, and I could actually leave. Then bam, his socks got pulled up!

We’ve been to Relate before. About 5 years ago. Worked well for us. We have talked about going again. We’ll see.

So ,he doesnt want you and he doesnt`want anyone else to have you ?.
Yet another selfish twat.
And why oh why did you have sex with him ?.
Basically your an unpaid prostitute in his eyes.
Get rid asap.

Ooh kuga... don’t hold back! He is paying me though.
He is t selfish, he’s a very hard-working man who dotes in his children.
I had sex with him because we still love eachother. Because we miss eachother... that good enough for you?

Tell him that there will be no more sex, and no more spending time together until you have worked out what you want to do.

See how much he's changed then!

You Have Children.

You can't afford to dick around like this. You don't break up a child's home on a whim then change your mind just as quickly. Both of you need to grow up and work out what you want bloody sharpish.

I didn’t go looking to kiss someone.

so what happened? He came up to you in Tesco and stuck his tongue in your mouth ?

You do know that's a load of tosh don't you?

You put yourself in a situation where a man snogged you ( or more?)
And you didn't stop him.
And you told your partner of 10 years to get a reaction.

ALL long term relationships get stale, people get taken for granted and often one person threatens to leave. This is how life is for most couples. BUT they sit down as adults and talk.

It sounds as if you both need to learn to communicate not just nag.

Men aren't good at doing the emotional stuff and often ignore it all until there is some action to make them sit up.

Not saying that is right but what you have now should be the starting point to build up your partnership again, not end it and throw 3 kids' lives into chaos.

He sounds like a little boy that doesnt want the toy (you), but all of a sudden DOES want to play with the toy .. just to prevent anyone else playing with it. ..

Our main priority is our children. Daddy has come round for dinner a couple of times and has put them to bed. They’re more than happy with this and haven’t been affected by mine and his behaviour. They’re oblivious.
This break up wasn’t done in a whim at all. And I said to him ‘I bet as soon as I move out, you want me back’. I was right

And is said all along, once I go, I’m gone, because it isn’t fair on the DC to confuse them by moving out then moving back. I’m annoyed with myself that I’ve gone back on that. I’m still not sure I could actually go back to him fully.

FFS OP, you kissed someone, the way he's going on it sounds like you've at least shagged the other guy. Throwing a relationship away for a kiss sounds very pathetic behaviour by your DP, I think he's playing mind games, and relishes being the "victim".

TheWernethWife FFS OP, you kissed someone, the way he's going on it sounds like you've at least shagged the other guy. Throwing a relationship away for a kiss sounds very pathetic behaviour by your DP, I think he's playing mind games, and relishes being the "victim".*

Well, theres also the moving out, taking his money for the new place, constant complaining about him during the relationship, her telling him its over - you can understand his confusion as well!

The victim thing did occur to me a while ago... he’s picking up the DC at tea time. Will probably have them until Sunday. I’m going to chill out. I’m full of cold so will mainly be eating chocolate and drinking coffee.
I’m interested to see if I miss him...

I'm interested in your ages OP because you sound quite inexperienced with relationships.

You have conveniently ignored my point about you had a fling with a bloke then shoved it in your partner's face- to get a reaction.

Was it just a kiss? Or was it more? And why did you do it?

You aren't being honest here or with yourself.

As for your kids 'being oblivious' to it all- they have only been away from their family home for 6 days. What have you told them? How old are they? What you have now is the tip of the iceberg as a single parent. You can't possibly say they don't feel anything about this or it won't affect them.

You say he gave you £1000 to get a place to live- so how are you going to support your DCs and yourself long term? Do you jointly own property- is it on the market, what will you live on?

This all sounds like a bit of a game to me; you stamp your foot because you are unhappy, 'kiss' another man and then think 'shit' when your DP steps up and says he wants you back.

Grow up.

He asked me to move out. I didn’t want to. I ‘took’ his money because I’m a SAHM and needed to pay a deposit on a house, buy new beds etc.