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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that he is ott about this woman?

85 replies

Coldfeetwarmheart1 · 14/08/2019 23:15

I’m totally sick of my boyfriend wittering on and on about his friend. Every conversation we have, her name seems to pop up . Her advice, her opinions, her intelligence, her humour. Boring on and on about her. He has too much contact with her and works with her too.He laughs at me when I ask him if he has feelings for her. As if I am being absurd because she is years older than him with kids and is married.I am sick of it but it doesn’t seem normal.he says he really enjoys her company and there is nothing else going on .

OP posts:
sincethereis · 14/08/2019 23:16

YABU.

RobinMoseby · 14/08/2019 23:16

YANBU

Boots20 · 14/08/2019 23:20

YANBU - sorry but I'd be concerned, if hes mentioning her enough for you to notice it then it is probably a problem. Have you met her OP? Do you get the vibe he has feelings for her despite his laughing

zeezee3 · 14/08/2019 23:20

@Coldfeetwarmheart1

Tell him to go date her if he loves her so much. Hmm

Original poster
Coldfeetwarmheart1 · 14/08/2019 23:27

I’ve never met her. Distance and free time would not permit.he is all over her on social media . First to like a post/ react/ comment with a funny wink wink nudge nudge anecdote. He finds it humorous for me to think there is anymore to it .i don’t thonk he is attracted to her physically but he may have her on a pedestal.

OP posts:
C0untDucku1a · 14/08/2019 23:29

Urgh. How much time have you invested in him? Can you not happily bin him off becUse of this creepy behaviour?

Branleuse · 14/08/2019 23:32

Yeah that would bore me superquick. I wouldn't watch my dp fawn over another woman. Dump and move on

Original poster
Coldfeetwarmheart1 · 14/08/2019 23:33

But he is not a creep. He is attentive and a fantastic boyfriend . This is the only fly in the ointment

OP posts:
maras2 · 14/08/2019 23:34

It's called mentionitis and won't end well.Sorry Sad

Original poster
Coldfeetwarmheart1 · 14/08/2019 23:34

I am 20 years younger than her . I really cannot see how he would be attracted to her at all

OP posts:
MardyMavis · 14/08/2019 23:35

You keep telling yourself that

KatherineJaneway · 14/08/2019 23:38

He is attentive and a fantastic boyfriend . This is the only fly in the ointment

Clearly not as he can't stop talking about her.

I am 20 years younger than her . I really cannot see how he would be attracted to her at all

You're a fool if you think age is a barrier to attraction

Original poster
Coldfeetwarmheart1 · 14/08/2019 23:40

Perhaps not age then but being married and having kids is hardly enticing when she seems devoted to her family ( from what he says)

OP posts:
BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 14/08/2019 23:46

He’s got a thumping great crush on her.

Is she and the lifestyle she has (marriage, kids, funny, wise etc) what he’s wanting for when he’s older? A crush doesn’t have to be sexual maybe he just wants that lifestyle and that in a woman in 20 years time?

Jamiefraserskilt · 14/08/2019 23:50

How would he feel If you did the same?
Make up a work mate called Dave and sit there on your phone laughing and giggling at Dave's latest meme, adventure, joke etc. And see what happens.

QualCheckBot · 14/08/2019 23:52

YANBU OP. How tiresome. But clearly he does have a crush on her. Probably it feels safe for him because she is much older and married with kids.

FWIW there is little more dreary than having to listen to a man with a crush on another woman regaling you with tales of how wonderful they are.

I now simply repeat "she sounds VERY wonderful" in grave tones until they get the message.

TheJoxter · 14/08/2019 23:53

My ex was like this about a ‘friend’

Turned out he was sleeping with her

Original poster
Coldfeetwarmheart1 · 14/08/2019 23:55

He would like a family and he thinks that she is an amazing mother blah blah . She is wealthy , great lifestyle, all round ms perfect in his opinion .
I got really irked by it all and told him to reel it in a bit and that I thought his contact to her was too much so he has done this and shut it down a but but I know he’s not as happy in himself and can’t help but think that this is the reason why

OP posts:
Original poster
Coldfeetwarmheart1 · 15/08/2019 00:00

He is not sleeping with her. She loves her family very much and it was she who suggested that he relax on the contact/ on line interaction, especially after he met me suggesting that I might not be best pleased !

OP posts:
AlmostAJillSandwich · 15/08/2019 00:01

Older and married with kids doesn't mean theres no attraction, don't be silly!
I myself have a friend who is married, has kids, has step kids and step grandkids and lives in a completely different country as well as a few years older, and i have a massive thing for him and would if i could!

justilou1 · 15/08/2019 00:05

Tell him to go and move in with her...

justilou1 · 15/08/2019 00:05

Whoops, posted too soon. He might resolve his mummy issues.

Skittlesandbeer · 15/08/2019 00:07

Definitely time for you to make an online friend yourself. Spend all your free time on social media with him. When DP notices, say, ‘Oh, I think Francois is gay. Not sure, though’.

Seriously, anyone who gets in between a couple to the extent his ‘friend’ has, interrupts your naturally intimacy, trust and teamwork. It doesn’t matter if it’s sexual- could be a pet or a prized motorbike, not even a person. Concentrate on the time, energy and attention she is taking away from your relationship.

Personally, I’d leave them to it. You can try and make him take it seriously, but you can’t make another person prioritise you. Not for love nor money.

kateandme · 15/08/2019 00:17

Jamiefraserskilt yes do this!

MashedSpud · 15/08/2019 00:17

Mentionitis. She’s left an impression on him if he’s always on about her and all over her sm.

For the record men can fancy any age. There wouldn’t be pensioner age escorts if there wasn’t a need for them.

Tell him it’s seriously pissing him off and ask if he would like you fawning over another guy.

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