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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that he is ott about this woman?

85 replies

Coldfeetwarmheart1 · 14/08/2019 23:15

I’m totally sick of my boyfriend wittering on and on about his friend. Every conversation we have, her name seems to pop up . Her advice, her opinions, her intelligence, her humour. Boring on and on about her. He has too much contact with her and works with her too.He laughs at me when I ask him if he has feelings for her. As if I am being absurd because she is years older than him with kids and is married.I am sick of it but it doesn’t seem normal.he says he really enjoys her company and there is nothing else going on .

OP posts:
MashedSpud · 15/08/2019 00:18

Pissing you off I mean.

flyingspaghettimonster · 15/08/2019 00:20

I'd be concerned. Whn my husband was mentioning one girl at college a lot he had a major crush on her. I've seen friends who on the outside are very loved up secretly dealing with the husband constantly falling in love with other women. Just because they don't act on their feelings doesn't make it ok.

ohmydaysagain · 15/08/2019 00:20

He is probably infatuated with his colleague. She told him to back down on contact so she probably doesn't reciprocate his affection. If it's just a silly crush he will move on but if he really deeply admires and respects this woman then he is being unfair to you and will always wonder and wish for a relationship with her. Do you know for a fact that she is married? Or is that just what he tells you?

LillithsFamiliar · 15/08/2019 00:26

How long have you been together? How long have they been friends? If they've been friends for years and they work together, it's fairly normal for her name to crop up a lot. It sounds as though she's a big part of his life.

Original poster
Coldfeetwarmheart1 · 15/08/2019 00:32

I did look her up on sm and yes she is married and her posts are mostly of her husband and children.The first person to react and comment on her posts is always my boyfriend . He knows her family too and really likes them. He has dialled it back. He said that he knows it’s only right and proper but I think he secretly misses her company via sm. he agitated and checks his phone more when he is with me lately.

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NarcolepticOuchMouse · 15/08/2019 00:33

He sounds quite immature. I'm not sure how I'd feel being intimate with him knowing he's smitten for someone else, I'd think it a possibility he was thinking of her Confused

Original poster
Coldfeetwarmheart1 · 15/08/2019 00:37

I forgot to add too, that I think he thought or his ego thought that he she fancied him ! I know from what he told me now, is that she thought it was a great idea for him to reel the contact that he was making, way back so perhaps this is why he seems a tad off form .it doesn’t matter to me what he thought only that I am massively pissed off

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EatenByDinosaurs · 15/08/2019 00:39

He finds it humorous for me to think there is anymore to it

How lovely. He's using it as an ego trip.
Any man who thinks its remotely amusing to toy with another persons emotions needs a swift kick to the kerb and no backward glances Hmm

FifteenYemenRoadYemen · 15/08/2019 00:39

You made a thread about this the other day didn't you? Same exact details but you were mostly told you were being unreasonable as their friendship was established way before you came along.

EatenByDinosaurs · 15/08/2019 00:40

Oh yes, and if you can't see how he could be attracted to her, have you never seen The Graduate?

thecatinthetwat · 15/08/2019 00:43

Oh dear, I would not be ok with that. What can you do? Give it a bit of time and see if it goes away? Have a proper chat about it?

It’s not good, he definitely has some sort of thing for her, it’s all a bit weird too. He’s being quite desperate. Is she all over him on sm?

EileenAlanna · 15/08/2019 00:45

He is indeed attentive & a fantastic boyfriend - to her. It's not just you that thinks he's way out of line, she does too. Probably her husband too if you asked his opinion.
Leave him to his obsessions/crushes/weird behaviours & get yourself a man who focusses that attention on you, where it should be.

ReanimatedSGB · 15/08/2019 00:46

I'm a bit sorry for her. She clearly doesn't want your boyfriend and is probably somewhere between bored and creeped out by him following her around slobbering.

But I would advise you to dump him and move on, anyway. it sounds like he's not tht into you.

EC22 · 15/08/2019 00:48

My ex did this.
Suzie this, Suzie that, constant, irritating, nothing to worry about, til we split up n they got married!

areukiddingme · 15/08/2019 00:55

He fancies or has a crush on her, but crushers come and go for us all, even people in long term relationships , if he loves and wants to be with you it will pass, you must be the confident partner that knows your love is true. Sounds proper cheesy but it’s true. BE MOTHERFKIG CONFIDANT, he choose you Smile

flatulencebythebucket · 15/08/2019 01:03

He wants her & not you unfortunately. Men and women do not have platonic relationships, it's a total myth proven so time and time again.

Original poster
Coldfeetwarmheart1 · 15/08/2019 01:14

He has told her that he needs to move away from the friendship as it was not fair on us . She automatically agreed and said it was wrong of them to have so much contact even though it was just banter and wished him well but he seems pissed now.i hope I am wrong but I think he is pining for her or the friendship

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BogglesGoggles · 15/08/2019 01:19

Is she actually amazing though? Every once in a while you’ll come across a person who is just incredible and be in love with them in a platonic kind of way because they’re just too fantastic. Maybe that’s what this is?

Original poster
Coldfeetwarmheart1 · 15/08/2019 01:20

That is what I am hoping.I don’t get what is so amazing about her though.

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OooErMissus · 15/08/2019 01:25

This is making me cringe just reading it.

My pride wouldn't tolerate this - no way.

I can't understand hanging around passively, to see what dregs he has left for you, after mooning over someone he can't even have.

I would take pleasure in being long gone.

Besides, the more you hang around, the less he respects you, even if it's unconscious.

EatenByDinosaurs · 15/08/2019 01:33

Is her beauty beyond compare? Does she have flaming locks of auburn hair?

Come on, you deserve so much better than this OP.

EatenByDinosaurs · 15/08/2019 01:34

And yes, OooErMissus absolutely has the right of it.

TimeForNewStart · 15/08/2019 01:37

How long have you been with him?

1forAll74 · 15/08/2019 01:41

He seems to be living in some fantasy land in his mind, and perhaps this wonderful woman will soon tire of his attention.

Original poster
Coldfeetwarmheart1 · 15/08/2019 01:41

8 months. They’re friends for five years

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