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AIBU?

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Original poster

Ignorant sister and Brother in law

129 replies

bagpuss90 · 14/08/2019 10:37

I’ve posted on here about my SIL before. Anyway on Saturday her and my BIW were invited to mine for a BBQ I don’t live with my partner as yet -but I’m calling them in laws for convenience. Anyway my partner and I spent time preparing food -marinades etc. They rock up and say they’re not hungry cos the they stopped for bloody fish and chips . BIW claimed not to know it was a BBQ . But I’d had several texts even mentioning the word BBQ going back and forth with her , one even asking if there was anything they didn’t bloody eat! She replied no. Partner I think was more than embarrassed . I fumed for the rest of the day. I really want to message her telling her what I think of her pig ignorant behaviour. I could give him the benefit of the doubt -maybe she didn’t tell him him we were eating. He did look embarrassed .But her? No way .

OP posts:
AmaryllisNightAndDay · 14/08/2019 13:37

Ah - she's your partner's sister, not your brother's wife. Is your partner annoyed because he spent a lot of time preparing food and his sister didn't eat anything? It's for him to say something if he wants to, and for you to support him if he does. It's not for you to message her about it, that would be stirring. But next time your partner can prepare the marinades by himself.

ladymariner · 14/08/2019 13:38

Today 12:23Witchinaditch

I don’t think your using the word ignorant correctly,

The irony of pulling someone up on their vocabulary when you can't spell! You're, not your....hth.

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 14/08/2019 13:41

I don’t live with my partner as yet

But you invited his sister to a barbecue at your house? Though you don't like her? Just why? It's your DP's role to play host to his sister and you are not helping by spending ages fussily hostessing, you are just giving her the opportunity to wind you up. She's his sister, let him deal.

GoGoGoGoGo · 14/08/2019 13:44

How can people say this isn’t rude? Confused if you’re invited to a BBQ you don’t stop at the chippy on the way, surely?

NoSauce · 14/08/2019 13:47

Yes obviously it’s rude behaviour. Stop trying OP.

SandAndSea · 14/08/2019 13:59

YANBU.

If someone invites you over for a meal, it's a given that they've got food in and made an effort to prepare it for you. For them to eat on the way is certainly rude. (The only exception I can think of is if you've got form for saying you'll cater and then not doing so. I'm guessing that's not the case here.)

I would detach from sil and not invite her over again. Be clear with your DP that you think she has behaved badly and is disrespectful to you.

Be glad that you're not living with your DP during this transition as it will lessen the fallout for you.

Rainonmyguitar · 14/08/2019 14:22

I don’t live with my partner as yet

But you invited his sister to a barbecue at your house? Though you
don't like her? Just why? It's your DP's role to play host to his sister and you are not helping by spending ages fussily hostessing, you are just giving her the opportunity to wind you up. She's his sister, let him deal

FFS this thread just keeps getting worse. So if you don't live with your partner you shouldn't ever invite their family round? What if her partner lives in a flat and can't have a BBQ? Utterly ridiculous comment.

Witchinaditch · 14/08/2019 14:52

it’s not a misspelling it’s incorrect grammar. Either way it was autocorrect.

Original poster
bagpuss90 · 14/08/2019 14:58

My partner lives in a flat hence the BBQ at mine

OP posts:
LiveRightNow · 14/08/2019 15:46

Some rather strange replies here. Hmm I don't think it's odd to invite 4 people over for a BBQ, or to invite your partner's sister over, and if you are invited for dinner you don't eat a full meal on the way. That is rude! That said I'd draw a line under it all. No point wasting more energy on it, just don't invite them for dinner again and stick to drinks in the future if you want to entertain them. Assuming you and DP are in it for the long haul you'll have plenty of time in the future to decide what kind of relationship you want with her.

Original poster
bagpuss90 · 14/08/2019 16:08

I was trying to make an effort for my partners sake

OP posts:
BigSexyCrimeUnit · 14/08/2019 17:40

There are some completely ridiculous people on this thread. I can only imagine some of you are being contrary for being contrary's sake. Of course it was bloody rude. On what planet do you get invited somewhere for something to eat (the fact it's a barbecue is neither here nor there) and then eat on the way? The fact she's done similarly rude things before just makes it worse.

I just wouldn't bother with her again. No more invites, help or interest from you to her in future OP. Learn to have very firm boundaries and let your other half deal with her.

daffodilbrain · 14/08/2019 17:59

Yes very rude behaviour. I wouldn't ask them again (for a while)

Kazooboohoo · 14/08/2019 19:00

FFS this thread just keeps getting worse. So if you don't live with your partner you shouldn't ever invite their family round? What if her partner lives in a flat and can't have a BBQ? Utterly ridiculous comment.

Nobody, but nobody, has claimed there is some hard and fast rule that nobody should invite their in laws round if you don't live with your partner.

But in this specific instance, where the OP has already made clear she can't stand her SIL, why invite her to a BBQ where her and her OP are the only guests? Why not just not bother, or if you have to invite them invite plenty of other people also?

WelcomeToShootingStars · 14/08/2019 19:02

It's very rude.
But it probably isn't worth causing a family rift over.

PalmersGreen · 14/08/2019 19:09

Kazooboohoo Because she’s probably trying hard to be liked. I did it for years, too long, with my in-laws and got similar treatment.

Rainonmyguitar · 14/08/2019 19:11

Nobody, but nobody, has claimed there is some hard and fast rule that nobody should invite their in laws round if you don't live with your partner.

I don’t live with my partner as yet

*But you invited his sister to a barbecue at your house? Though you
don't like her? Just why? It's your DP's role to play host to his sister

Yes they have.

madja · 14/08/2019 19:18

Yes, it was absolutely 'pig ignorant' as you say. This a common phrase used where I live to describe a rude individual.
Having said that, I doubt that the op posted this to have a discussion on the meaning of the word ignorant. How pedantic.
Op you are definitely not being unreasonable. It's very rude to turn up for a bbq and have already eaten. I wouldn't bother asking them again.

ladymariner · 14/08/2019 22:30

Today 14:52Witchinaditch

it’s not a misspelling it’s incorrect grammar. Either way it was autocorrect

Really? Are you sure about that? I see 'autocorrect' clearly doesn't care for capital letters, commas or full stops either!

Original poster
bagpuss90 · 14/08/2019 23:49

Well thank you to all that posted supportive comments . Must say I’m gob smacked by some of the shall we say less supportive ones - particularly the one suggesting I’m unhinged -wow .Everyone is entitled to their opinions but have to say I wont be posting on here again in a hurry

OP posts:
steff13 · 15/08/2019 00:02

OP has used 'ignorant' in the correct context here. I think maybe you don't know what it means.

The OP is using an informal "slang" usage that isn't common everywhere. I think the previous poster can be forgiven for not knowing that.

Durgasarrow · 15/08/2019 00:07

Of course it was quite rude.

ladymariner · 15/08/2019 08:45

Bagpuss don't take any notice of the unkind comments; as I said earlier up the thread, some posters seem to be deliberately contrary.
You are not unreasonable, and certainly not unhinged, in this situation your in laws were staggeringly rude.

MoanyAnna · 15/08/2019 08:57

@bagpuss90
You most certainly had every right to be upset even outright insulted. That was incredibly rude behaviour on their part. However don't bother texting her. It will likely achieve nothing positive.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 15/08/2019 09:09

It's very rude.

However I have come to realise that different people put in different effort when it comes to hosting. For many having a bbq involves spending a few quid down tescos on some sawdust and arsehole burgers and ready made coleslaw. Others, like the OP (and me for that matter) will spend the morning prepping food and generally making an effort. These days I know who will appreciate good food and those who don't and cater accordingly or just don't invite them.