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Original poster

Ignorant sister and Brother in law

129 replies

bagpuss90 · 14/08/2019 10:37

I’ve posted on here about my SIL before. Anyway on Saturday her and my BIW were invited to mine for a BBQ I don’t live with my partner as yet -but I’m calling them in laws for convenience. Anyway my partner and I spent time preparing food -marinades etc. They rock up and say they’re not hungry cos the they stopped for bloody fish and chips . BIW claimed not to know it was a BBQ . But I’d had several texts even mentioning the word BBQ going back and forth with her , one even asking if there was anything they didn’t bloody eat! She replied no. Partner I think was more than embarrassed . I fumed for the rest of the day. I really want to message her telling her what I think of her pig ignorant behaviour. I could give him the benefit of the doubt -maybe she didn’t tell him him we were eating. He did look embarrassed .But her? No way .

OP posts:
ladymariner · 14/08/2019 12:20

And op, ignore the ridiculous posts on here, you are definitely not 'unhinged'.....what an ignorant comment!! Wink

Honeyroar · 14/08/2019 12:23

I think they were very rude. I’d be hacked off too. Probably best not to go off at them though, it would change your moral high ground. I’d just back off from spending time with them.

Witchinaditch · 14/08/2019 12:23

I don’t think your using the word ignorant correctly, ignorance is when lacking knowledge or awareness in general; uneducated or unsophisticated. You seem to imply that she is doing it on purpose where as ignorance would suggest she isn’t aware of what she’s doing.

Ninkaninus · 14/08/2019 12:24

I agree with others - stop making such an effort. Be friends with people who make you feel positive and who are on the same wavelength as you. No need to do more than see SIL at general family occasions.

whattodowith · 14/08/2019 12:26

Rude and I wouldn’t invite them over for food again.

Rainonmyguitar · 14/08/2019 12:27

Rainonmyguitar I don’t think that rising above constitutes being a mug

All this 'rising above' is what gives these CFs license to keep being a CF, knowing people will say nothing or 'rise above'.

Rainonmyguitar · 14/08/2019 12:28

Witchinaditch

Ignorant also means discourteous or rude.

hellymart · 14/08/2019 12:29

I would have been annoyed too, so I can understand how you're feeling but it's not worth blowing it all up into something more. Suggest, as others have said, that you don't invite them again for meal/food! Sounds like you're not that keen on them anyway and they irritate you, so avoid at all costs! It's not worth the stress. Find other people to socialise with, that you actually like.

Coralfish · 14/08/2019 12:30

Really surprised at the responses. I would be furious if someone did this. Agree it is up to your partner to deal with. I would not be hosting them again, but if partner wanted to I would let him do all the work!

dancingcamper · 14/08/2019 12:32

Agree with you OP - they were very rude and I wouldn't go out of my way for them in the future, just be civil.

Regarding "ignorant" this happens every time someone on Mumsnet uses it to mean rude. It might not be common usage across the country but it certain is normal to use it to mean rude where I live.

Dictionaries are always behind common usage, and it does change over time.

pjmask · 14/08/2019 12:34

It's a bit odd to have a BBQ and only invite two people

Oh ffs. Some posters will go to any lengths to make everything the op's fault Hmm

MachineBee · 14/08/2019 12:38

What did your DP say about it all?

Ninkaninus · 14/08/2019 12:39

It’s not odd at all. Hmm My OH and I used to have barbecues just for the two of us.

Goingonagondola · 14/08/2019 12:43

This attitude is so bloody annoying. How is it nothing to do with the OP? It was her house, her BBQ but she's expected to shut her mouth and be an absolute mug!

You haven't read my post properly. I didn't say the situation that occurred was nothing to do with the OP. I said that the person isn't. She's not living with let alone married to the brother. It's not her SIL, so she can thankfully disengage.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 14/08/2019 12:43

If you say anything, she will enjoy the drama and probably use it to make out that you are the one in the wrong. I think it's far better to remove the drama and just distance yourself from her as much as you can.
Next time, just invite some actual friends or relatives you actually like, and stop making an effort for her.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 14/08/2019 12:44

Yes, this was rude. In no reasonable person's language would this behaviour be deemed polite.

However ...

It's not something I'd be inclined to waste good negative energy on, especially if I didn't have much time for them in any event. I would, a) chuck the leftovers into the crockpot and make them into a nice casserole; b) not invite them again; and c) use this as a perfect excuse to disengage to the status of 'civil but distant' with someone I didn't particularly like in the first place.

Win-win!

Henlie · 14/08/2019 12:47

This would really piss me off too....! I’m not surprised you’re angry Op.

What you need is a group WhatsApp with the four of you on it. So if and when(?) there’s a next time, everyone gets the message about the food situation.

And there really is nothing odd about having a bbq for 4 people....what a ridiculously stupid thing to say 😐

MsPavlichenko · 14/08/2019 12:48

In the West of Scotland ignorant is used as a substitute for rude/ cheeky. For as long as I remember.

ValerianV · 14/08/2019 12:49

You were doing a nice thing, making an effort with BF's family. It doesn't matter if the food was barbecued or cooked in the oven, you invited them for dinner and they ate on the way - totally shit of them, I'd have been pissed off too. If they didn't fancy eating at yours they should have said they'd eat first and just come for a coffee/drinks etc.

Don't listen to the people on here having a go at you, only on MN do people think it's ok to accept a dinner invitation and eat on the way. Most people buy in nicer/more expensive food than they would have if it was just a normal night's dinner for the two of you.

My friend eats before or on the way out to eat but it's because she is quite large and doesn't like people seeing how much she eats but in her case she can eat two dinners so not really a problem.

GabsAlot · 14/08/2019 12:51

Your partner should be having words with his sister she does sound ignorant-and dont invite them over anymore

ReanimatedSGB · 14/08/2019 13:03

I agree with most PP: stop putting yourself out for this woman when you dislike her and she, by the sound of it, dislikes you. You're not obliged to treat her as 'family' when she is simply the sister of the man you are currently dating. That might be why she is so rude to you - she thinks you are trying to insert yourself into the family, uninvited.

TuttiFrutti · 14/08/2019 13:04

This is why I hate BBQs. People project all sorts of expectations onto them that they never would for other social occasions.

If you had invited people for lunch, and they arrived saying they weren't hungry because they had just had fish and chips, that is just rude. End of. But because it's "only a BBQ", some people think that's fine.

PalmersGreen · 14/08/2019 13:08

I agree with the advice not to say anything. She’s waiting for you to escalate it. Just don’t invite her again, she’s trying to get you to pick fights. Some people are like that. Just do your thing with friends and let her miss out.

Boysey45 · 14/08/2019 13:10

Yes its a bit inconsiderate but I'd have just put their share in the fridge and had it the next day so it wouldn't be a great loss or anything.
I wouldn't have been that bothered really, but I wouldn't be cooking or making any effort for them again.

ChesterDrawsDoesntExist · 14/08/2019 13:10

It was extremely rude and I disagree with "it's not your issue, it's your DP's". As @Rainonmyguitar said, it was an event hosted by you, catered by you at your house and who the guest is related to is irrelevant. They were YOUR guest.
Don't bother saying anything now though. Clearly she's an ignorant cow and would likely enjoy the drama. In future, just do not invite them to eat with you. If she complains about being left out, simply mention the huge wastage of food, money, time and effort this barbecue and you have no intention of repeating it.