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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ignorant sister and Brother in law

129 replies

bagpuss90 · 14/08/2019 10:37

I’ve posted on here about my SIL before. Anyway on Saturday her and my BIW were invited to mine for a BBQ I don’t live with my partner as yet -but I’m calling them in laws for convenience. Anyway my partner and I spent time preparing food -marinades etc. They rock up and say they’re not hungry cos the they stopped for bloody fish and chips . BIW claimed not to know it was a BBQ . But I’d had several texts even mentioning the word BBQ going back and forth with her , one even asking if there was anything they didn’t bloody eat! She replied no. Partner I think was more than embarrassed . I fumed for the rest of the day. I really want to message her telling her what I think of her pig ignorant behaviour. I could give him the benefit of the doubt -maybe she didn’t tell him him we were eating. He did look embarrassed .But her? No way .

OP posts:
CalmdownJanet · 14/08/2019 11:17

Were they rude? Yes. But it's early days, you don't live together, I really think you need to leave this to your boyfriend. Was it your house or his? How long are ye together nosey

IceIceCoffee · 14/08/2019 11:18

Only on mumsnet would op be wrong to be annoyed that she pre arranged a bbq with people all agreed, and then they ate on the way. So rude.

LagunaBubbles · 14/08/2019 11:19

It's a bit odd to have a BBQ and only invite two people

Eh? Of course it's not, it's just the same as inviting 2 people for dinner and that's not odd.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 14/08/2019 11:20

YOU really don’t like like her so leave them alone, leave your partner yo communicate with his family

CustardySergeant · 14/08/2019 11:20

ZoeWashburne What does "Not to Inigo Montoya" mean? Confused

Freddiefox · 14/08/2019 11:21

You sound very angry, and highly strung, yes it wasn’t the best outcome but calm down a bit. There are so many reasons they may not have eaten at your house.

RachelEllenR · 14/08/2019 11:22

Really rude but I'd expect your partner to talk to his sister

Tooner · 14/08/2019 11:23

Just don't invite them again, very rude.

BowiesJumper · 14/08/2019 11:24

@CustardySergeant I think she meant "not to BE Inigo Montoya" - the rest is a paraphrase from the princess bride about not knowing what ignorant means.

Tonnerre · 14/08/2019 11:24

Leave it to your partner.

lisbonholiday · 14/08/2019 11:28

No need to say anything, just don't bother inviting them again.

Juells · 14/08/2019 11:28

AngelasAshes
Or maybe you can take a hint and just enjoy their company.

How is that a hint? How difficult is it to say "don't cook any food for us, we'll have eaten"?

I don't eat meat now, but when I did I dreaded a friend's bbqs as she bought the cheapest, fattiest, sausages and burgers, battery chicken bits etc.. I couldn't choke them down. Could that have something to do with their apparent rudeness?

Thatsalovelycuppatea
Sounds like my family. They know we are happy to cook them dinner, but will use every excuse under the sun because it's not what they would choose.

Confused Confused Confused
Why would you not cook them the kind of food they would choose?

Blueoasis · 14/08/2019 11:28

How are there so many people on here that think it's Ok for them to be invited to a bbq and then show up having already eaten? What do you think a bbq is for? Hmm

Of course your sil is rude, but I'm gonna guess she's just weird or stupid so it's unlikely to ever change. Just don't invite them again.

GrouchoMrx · 14/08/2019 11:30

"I really want to message her telling her what I think of her pig ignorant behaviour.*

A massive over-reaction. You sound a bit unhinged.

ParadiseLaundry · 14/08/2019 11:31

I do think it's very ignorant to turn up to someone's house who has invited you for a BBQ having eaten before hand but there has been several instances in the past when I was younger where I have been invited to someone's house for a bbq only to turn up and there be no actual food, they just wanted to have a massive piss up in the garden! Could this be what they thought?

Original poster
bagpuss90 · 14/08/2019 11:31

It was at mine . I did it for my partner sake . We’ve been together 2 years . But no I don’t much like her . Other examples of her behaviour -not massive on their own but put together it winds me up. Okay - her booking a weekend away for the four of us-not checking I was free -I was rostered to work. Then her demanding I still pay for it. Her asking to borrow my camping gear -I agreed and said I’d dig it out for her the next nite as I was going out. She pitched up on my doorstep 10 mins later cos she thought I’d forget and so on .

OP posts:
BogglesGoggles · 14/08/2019 11:33

@MereDintofPandiculation using the word ignorant to describe rudeness is ignorant Wink

Some people misuse it in that way to the extent that it has become slang but ignorance is not the same as rudeness. An ignorant person may be rude as a result of their ignorance in the same way a hot tempered person may be rude by virtue of their hot temper. But ignorance is not a form of rudeness, merely a lack of knowledge.

Juells · 14/08/2019 11:34

CalmdownJanet
How long are ye together nosey

Haha, coincidence. I was just thinking earlier this morning how odd it is that the English (not sure if it's a Welsh and Scottish thing as well) have abandoned the plural of 'you'. When we (Irish) want to convey that it's more than one 'you' we have a selection of words to choose from - ye, yiz, yeez, youz.

Cassilis · 14/08/2019 11:34

I hope you told her where to go on both occasions?

There’s no point in seething after the fact, you need to say no to these things!

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 14/08/2019 11:35

Anybody who doesn't get the Inigo Montoya reference should watch The Princess Bride. Anyone who does understand the reference should watch The Princess Bride again. It's an excellent film.

That is annoying behaviour, but you are now off the hook for considering her needs any time she comes over in the future. So if you cook for her and she doesn't like it you can say that you weren't thinking about her as you assumed she'd eat on the way over as usual.

Cassilis · 14/08/2019 11:36

@Juells Google Dictionary says the secondary meaning is ‘discourteous or rude’ so of course people are going to use it for this meaning.

KUGA · 14/08/2019 11:40

Easy dont invite them again. And if you havent already dont delete the txt messages as proof. I had the same done to me a few years ago. Put on a large buffet and they ( family members ) didnt turn up.
I actually told them that they wont be invited for a meal/bbq/lunch again. They didnt even have the sense to txt/phone me.
Saved me a fortune really.
Just a no show.

RaininSummer · 14/08/2019 11:40

Of course it was rude. I just wouldn't invite them again for food other than maybe ordering a takeaway once they have arrived.

onanothertrain · 14/08/2019 11:42

juells the scottish plural of you is youse

Yaflamingalah · 14/08/2019 11:43

Of course it's rude. I don't think you should message her though. Just don't invite them to anything at your house again.