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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you regret buying your house - and how to get over myself?

93 replies

Regreteverything · 13/08/2019 21:24

DP and I bought a run down house in a rough-around-the-edges but "up and coming" area. I didn't think it was that bad when we viewed the house but we've lived here about 6 weeks and I bitterly regret my decision especially after coming from renting in a naice area. It's pretty deprived. I'm struggling to come to terms with what I've done. Every day I see something new which makes me regret this all over again.

Location location location. I wish I'd listened to that mantra.

I had so many ideas for the house and now I feel like I don't want to "waste" money doing it up really nicely as I don't want to stay here. I no longer care about the doors, the floors, any of it.

There are chavvy kids and teenagers being anti social in the streets. I get that it's half term and the situation might be magnified but I just feel constantly on edge.

Neighbours screaming and shouting at each other at all hours of the day and night.

I have seen two separate pregnant women smoking.

We were going to TTC when we bought a house and were maybe halfway through the renovations but honestly I feel my ovaries shrivelling up at the thought. I don't want to have a baby here and I don't want to send my non-existant DC to school with these screaming, shrieking, swearing children.

DP says that I'm being nasty, dramatic and a snob, that it's not that bad here and I just need to get used to it, but I dread going home and find myself looking for excuses to stay late at work and browsing Rightmove...

Has anyone been in a similar situation? What did you do? What should I do? Sad

OP posts:
Bloodycats · 13/08/2019 21:27

Well what can you do? Can you afford to move on so soon?

If I was you I would suck it up and do up the house to a decent standard and then sell up. Easy for me to say though!
FWIW I think a lot of people feel new house blues. I hated ours after we bought it, I really regretted it. A few years later and I like it now. We’ve done things that have made it feel more like home and that made a big difference.

MakeItRain · 13/08/2019 21:29

I think you should make a plan along the lines of you'll live there for 1 or 2 years/ do it up as much as you can/ sell it and look for a home to possibly have children in. See it as a project not as a home.

Try to think of anything you do on it as a means to make a bit of profit so you can move on. Talk to your dh about it. It's fair enough not to want to live there long term Flowers

OhTheRoses · 13/08/2019 21:33

Hmm. Not quite the same. We bought in a v leafy and expensive area. But God the quality of healthcare. Couldn't live here if dependent on the NHS. It is shocking. Poor GPs, poor local hospital, CCG struggling, dire MH care. Simply didn't realise.

RippleEffects · 13/08/2019 21:35

I've looked in an estate agents window on moving in day before. Moved out within 18 months but tidied the place, landscaped the garden and made money.

It's a fixer upper. No doubt much of the last six weeks have been spent unpacking, juggling jobs, trying to work out how things work and unearthing problems you hadnt seen before purchase.

Do you have one comfortable room, a sanctuary?

Do the numbers and for now try to be logical. Dont see this as rest of life DC at school, see it as we'll add x value if we do y. Double glazing would add x and woukd solve hearing the neighbours.

I'm a fan of big sheets of paper with jobs lists on them and picking them off in affordability and priority order. If you write down every to do as you find it, I find it takes some of the weight of the worry about that thing off my shoulders.

plunkplunkfizz · 13/08/2019 21:37

We’re exactly the same and I’m counting down the days until we can move. My DH was exactly the same as your’s in the start. After about 18 months he started to agree and we’ve been saving up ever since. Such a shame as it’s our dream house, just in an absolute shithole. (Yes we did visit several times before we bought, day and night, weekday and weekend and saw no problems at all)

Iamnotagoddess · 13/08/2019 21:37

We bought an ex council house amongst settled travellers as you got so much more for your money.

We planned to stay there for 5 years (which we did). I made friends with all the neighbours and it was fine, we never had much trouble and if the kids came into our garden they were told firmly but fairly and in the end the respected me.

Made a lot of money out of that house when I sold it.

BarbariansMum · 13/08/2019 21:40

What would I do? The answer is move. But exactly when, and whether I would do the house up and, if so, howmuch would depend on the math. How can you maximize your gains/minimize your losses? I certainly think you should give it a couple of months before you make a final decision- and that decision might be to hang on in there for a year or two.

64sNewName · 13/08/2019 21:40

If your area is up and coming, there must be positive aspects? Are you in a city?

I think you’re still adjusting. Give it time. You do sound a bit ... well, you’re being honest, and I do get it, but you sound harsh and a little lacking in empathy. I mean, calling people “chavvy” isn’t great.

thebakerwithboobs · 13/08/2019 21:41

I'm sorry you're so disappointed. Reframe the situation in your mind and view this as a mid term investment. Those improvements you were going to make? Still make them, but with mid quality economy in mind. Add value to the house and concentrate on it being a stepping stone, a way to make money, to fund your dream.

On another note, the happiest place we ever lived was a bit 'rough.' None of us had a pot to piddle in, we played childcare musical chairs to try to sort the kids and work, at one point we shared a fridge and a Hoover with next door. Some of the best mates I've ever made-chavs and all!

MissRabbitNeedsAHoliday · 13/08/2019 21:42

I hated my house, its in a nice enough area so I suppose thats different but i biterly regreted buying it. I cried and cried for weeks, I was desperatley looking at houses to rent and trying to see if I left dp would me and the baby get a council house Blush, but then I realised that I had to stay here, I couldn't afford to sell so soon, all our money was in this house. I agreed to do the repairs needed to make it sellable and sell as soon as our 2 year fixed rate was up (there are fees for selling before this on the mortgage we have) and now I actually really like the house. I had rose tinted glasses on thinking about our old house and the reality is our old house wasn't perfect and doesn't suit our family life. Give it time, it's still early days and hopefully when you start to get the house sorted to your standards (or at least good enough to sell it back on) then you'll start to enjoy it, and if not sell it as soon as you can afford to and hopefully you'll like the next one more. Buying a house is a massive thing and not everyone will get their dream house every time unfortunatley. I hope you start to feel a bit more optamstic about it soon Flowers

Haworthia · 13/08/2019 21:42

Made a very similar mistake ten years ago. Bought an ex-council house on a big estate, because it seemed preferable to buying a flat nearby. Anti-social behaviour wasn’t the biggest concern (the worst thing was the chronic rat infestation in the loft Sad) but I felt no joy living there.

Stuck it out for four years before selling. I agree you should make a short term plan to stay and sell within 1-2 years, if you can.

Figgygal · 13/08/2019 21:42

Move

I live in a lovely village we have a house that does everything we should need 3 bed detached, double garage, village location but I fucking hate it it's been 3 years now and still don't want to live there and never see me wanting to

Kitchen tiny
Stairs in lounge
It's dark all the time
Back garden tiny (convinced self on buying we would go to the park instead as 30 seconds away)

We just spent £20k on a conservatory to improve living space but it's just made garden feel even smaller

Was supposed to be our forever home and certainly can't afford to move again with prices as they are so trapped and frustrated

Haworthia · 13/08/2019 21:46

Meant to add, those bloody houses sell for £350-400k+ now! Unreal. We didn’t benefit from the boom (typical Hmm) but the people we sold to sure did.

IAskTooManyQuestions · 13/08/2019 21:46

I have seen two separate pregnant women smoking.

I don't think that affects house prices, nor your safety and security

TroubleTremble · 13/08/2019 21:47

We did the same thing and I was similarly concerned.

Three years later and we're still here! Love the neighbours, yes it's a bit 'chavvy' and rough around the edges but never had any problems at all.

Our plan is to be here another year; been doing lots of DIY and will definitely make a profit.

You're still settling in, give it time :)

CendrillonSings · 13/08/2019 21:49

People who bought in Hackney twenty years ago have made as much as ten times their purchase price in tax-free profit. Of course, that meant they had to live in Hackney for 20 years...

waterrat · 13/08/2019 21:52

Op moving is a shock to your system and your emotional sense of stability. You need to take a deep breath and stop trying to make long term plans.

I freaked out the night we moved into our house because if the loud heavy metal and clearly drunk people next door. I was weeping and planning on moving out.

But. Six yeArs on I am very happy in the house and bar a few moments my neighbours have been fine. It's really important to remember that nowhere is perfect.

You need to tell yourself calmly to give it six months before you even think about whether it was a bad decision. Just stop it and get to know the area better.

I think it's probably common to get the fear after a move but you just don't know enough yet to be sure how you will settle into the area.

ThisHereMamaBear · 13/08/2019 21:53

We did this! Bought a run down house in a bad area, did it up then sold and moved when ds was 2 so plenty of time to get settled for pre school. It worked out really well for us as we made a really decent profit to get into a nice area

cacklingmags · 13/08/2019 21:54

I have moved quite a lot in my life and often into absolute shitholes where it was a job to have a wash. We are not wealthy but are OK and, now in a leafy neighbourhood, are around two hundred thousand better off than friends who stayed put (and comfortable). Neither of us had any expectations of an inheritance, and apart from working hard, property development is the best option for those from poor backgrounds to make some money to hand on to the kids. Do your house up and sell it on, make the next move to a neighbourhood you can enjoy more.

DDIJ · 13/08/2019 21:56

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Ni58 · 13/08/2019 21:58

It might calm down a bit when school starts again and the evenings draw in.

TipTopAllOverTheShop · 13/08/2019 21:59

It takes a year and a half to get over a move and to eventually like where you live if you got post-house-buying blues/depression. You were on a high when you bought and reality then hits, you get out of life what you put in. Put the effort into the house, tidy it up then if you still feel the same re sell and make a profit and move on. It'd be stupid to walk away doing nothing.

Raver84 · 13/08/2019 22:08

**hate my house but I am stuck with it. I just sit in my car, when I am not cleaning my house. I can't afford to move but I am trying to save up for an estate car to live in.

Smile
bluetongue · 13/08/2019 22:10

I’m not entirely happy with my house. Thought I’d bought in a nice area of mainly family detached houses but the council zoning was changed soon after I moved and now the houses are being sold and knocked down to be replaced with poorly built, ugly townhouses.

My house is also a ‘fixer upper’ and it’s taking up all my spare money.

I’m going to give it another year or so and move and should hopefully do okay out of the sale.

Rumours0fAHurricane · 13/08/2019 22:11

@DDIJ that sounds rather strange. What makes your house so unliveable in? So much so that you want to live in your car?