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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you regret buying your house - and how to get over myself?

93 replies

Regreteverything · 13/08/2019 21:24

DP and I bought a run down house in a rough-around-the-edges but "up and coming" area. I didn't think it was that bad when we viewed the house but we've lived here about 6 weeks and I bitterly regret my decision especially after coming from renting in a naice area. It's pretty deprived. I'm struggling to come to terms with what I've done. Every day I see something new which makes me regret this all over again.

Location location location. I wish I'd listened to that mantra.

I had so many ideas for the house and now I feel like I don't want to "waste" money doing it up really nicely as I don't want to stay here. I no longer care about the doors, the floors, any of it.

There are chavvy kids and teenagers being anti social in the streets. I get that it's half term and the situation might be magnified but I just feel constantly on edge.

Neighbours screaming and shouting at each other at all hours of the day and night.

I have seen two separate pregnant women smoking.

We were going to TTC when we bought a house and were maybe halfway through the renovations but honestly I feel my ovaries shrivelling up at the thought. I don't want to have a baby here and I don't want to send my non-existant DC to school with these screaming, shrieking, swearing children.

DP says that I'm being nasty, dramatic and a snob, that it's not that bad here and I just need to get used to it, but I dread going home and find myself looking for excuses to stay late at work and browsing Rightmove...

Has anyone been in a similar situation? What did you do? What should I do? Sad

OP posts:
tomboytown · 14/08/2019 10:53

Bought a lovely first floor flat, totally renovated.
Council tenant with mental health issues lived on ground floor. He was no trouble, he was protected as a vulnerable tenant. His associates were an absolute nightmare. Drinking, drugs, violence, abuse, junk, rubbish, rats, completely taking advantage of him.
I rented the flat out and then had to deal with the tenants complaints too.
In the end I got a solicitor involved and the council rehomed the official tenant and evicted the hangers on. Took years though.
Eventually sold the flat for twice what I paid for it

whatwouldbigfatfannydo · 14/08/2019 10:59

Aw OP, bit jarring to see that not everyone has your privelege? Flowers
Must be terrible coming fron your 'naice' area and being forced to endure the have nots...
Yes, you do sound like an unpleasant snob. There's plenty of good people from the most deprived areas. I know who I'd rather have as a neighbour Hmm

Original poster
Regreteverything · 14/08/2019 11:07

ChechezLaVache

presumably you bought the best house you could afford?

No we bought a house which was a project and close to work. We went to get on to the housing ladder but didn't want to get into piles of debt with Brexit around the corner and job insecurity. We bought a house that we could pay for should one of us lose our jobs - and that's actually looking 50-50 for me at the moment. Lots of new roles are being set up elsewhere, remote teams etc.

I am feeling that maybe we should have made different decisions but isn't hindsight wonderful?

OP posts:
Original poster
Regreteverything · 14/08/2019 11:14

whatwouldbigfatfannydo

Actually it is pretty terrible to be woken up at 2 in the morning by neighbours who sound like they're trying to murder each other. This isn't just one neighbour either, although the other keeps it to the day time to scream obscenities at their children.

It's pretty horrible to walk past gangs of teenagers who are drunk/high/throwing things at cars and blocking pedestrian paths with their bikes, or vandalising the children's playground.

It's pretty unpleasant to see antisocial behaviour every time I step out of my house, and sometimes from my window when kids decide to park up on my street and "play" on the scaffolding across the road then laugh and swear at the owners who try to get them to go away.

OP posts:
MeowTseTung · 14/08/2019 11:15

Yes, I so regret buying our house. Our beautiful new build house.

Because two weeks after we moved in, we received a letter from HS2 saying, sorry and all that, we've rerouted our vanity project and we'd like to demolish your house if that's ok with us.

It's contributed towards us separating... and the whole compulsory purchase process has been hideous, particularly with the help to buy redemption of all things. Can't wait for it to be over Sad

whatwouldbigfatfannydo · 14/08/2019 11:16

Leave then? And next time, do better research

keepingbees · 14/08/2019 11:16

Its school holidays and it's the stage they're all getting bored, which might explain the nuisance kids and shouting neighbours.... so maybe once they're back at school it will calm down.
If you tried to sell so soon buyers would be suspicious. I would do as others have said, set a plan for say a years time, see it as a project to make some profit, and have a deadline for putting it back on the market.

Alsohuman · 14/08/2019 11:23

It’s a stepping stone. Do the work, make it the nicest house on the street and sell it for a profit. Make it work as the springboard for something better.

Annasgirl · 14/08/2019 11:36

Why do people come on here to complain about the OP? I totally know what you mean OP.

My advice as per others up above is to see it as a project and a means to an end. Get one room done to the best standard as your sanctuary (maybe sitting room, maybe bedroom) ASAP. Then do the rest to a timetable and at the end of it decide to move or to stay.

Do not see it as a long term move - you could easily move in 1-2 or 4-5 years so you will hardly be raising your children there.

I had an apartment in an up and coming area 20 years ago - it is still up and coming!!!! Some people are made to live in up and coming areas and can make the move and not care, the rest of us couldn't raise a family like that and that is why people pay a premium to live somewhere else.

Haworthia · 14/08/2019 14:19

Yes, I’m sure all the people posting jibes about the OP’s “snobbery” would be just delighted to live surrounded by crime, deprivation and anti-social behaviour all around.

Original poster
Regreteverything · 14/08/2019 14:28

keepingbees

It's school holidays and it's the stage they're all getting bored, which might explain the nuisance kids and shouting neighbours.... so maybe once they're back at school it will calm down.

I really hope so, although the kids are only part of the problem.

I'm feeling a bit better this morning but in a bit of a detached way. The neverending rain isn't helping.

OP posts:
ChechezLaVache · 14/08/2019 14:41

Yes, I’m sure all the people posting jibes about the OP’s “snobbery” would be just delighted to live surrounded by crime, deprivation and anti-social behaviour all around.

If surrounding herself with a better class of neighbours was op's primary priority, she really ought to have:
A) done some due diligence before buying
B) bought in a better area - or
C) continued to rent in an area which better reflects her aspirations and self-image (if not her budget)

It's unreasonable to buy in a cheap, rough area because the houses cost less, only to turn around and complain that the area is cheap and rough.

CendrillonSings · 14/08/2019 14:42

It’s a rubbish situation, but make a plan of action, OP - quartz and parquet the hell out of the house (or use the best-looking substitutes you can afford), whack on an extension, then either escape the hellhole with a profit or find that the house and area have grown on you and stay.

In a sense, you’re living the plot of the archetypal middle-class Bildungsroman - if you get really stuck, try turning the predicament into an amusing novel. Good luck!

Poochandmutt · 14/08/2019 14:55

My advice is move and don’t spend any money on the property

sportinguista · 14/08/2019 15:14

The area we bought in was never great but it was ok and fairly liveable. With time it has got worse. Think flytipping so bad in summer the flies and smell make it unbearable to open the windows, even if you are boiling and you can't have the windows open at night even in summer as the noise through the night is so bad you can't sleep. It ranges from fights to sirens, fireworks and loud music and it's every night not just 1 night. We now have problems with fights between rival gangs of different nationalities over the drug trade. There are pop-up brothels and cannabis farms, grooming gangs and shootings as well as knife crime. The parks have become unusable and we don't go out after dark or even in summer evenings any more. We can't even use the garden anymore due to the smell and flies and also the rats. Anti-social behaviour is the least of it.

We've decided now to sell and not take the risk of buying in this country. We're going to a remote area in my DH native country where we can buy far better than we would here. We can't get a mortgage for enough in this country to buy anything much better or a better area. Where we are moving to we will be mortgage-free with a lump sum to do the place up. We will have outside space, mountains on our doorstep and a school for my DS (currently we home ed).

Do I regret buying the house? In some ways. I love the house itself because we've made it home and the investments will pay off. It was the house my son came home to when he was born, it has seen our wedding, it was our first home. But now the time has come to leave and it is a house where neither we nor anyone else is wanted for a while.

Lellikelly26 · 14/08/2019 15:30

Our house is in an ok area but it’s on a fairly busy road. I spent ages hating it when we first bought. We bought it because it was a new build with big rooms close to the station, (my husband’s list of wants). But we’ve lived here over 5 years now and it’s been such a happy home, I will move but I’m now in no rush.
Try to make the house as homely as possible and then ideally sell before your kids start school

hsegfiugseskufh · 14/08/2019 15:33

what made you buy it? try and remember that.

GreenTulips · 14/08/2019 15:33

Aw OP, bit jarring to see that not everyone has your privilege?

What rubbish! We’ve lived on council estates and people were pleasant, had manners, helped each other out. Parents didn’t shout and swear at the kids. That’s not privilege, it’s basic human expectation.

These types have no shame and they appear to need gangs.

Anyway, I can understand how you didn’t realise when you viewed the house?

dontdance · 14/08/2019 15:37

I could have written this 12 years ago. Fell for nicely presented house, lovely garden, in up and coming area. Problem was in particular we fronted onto a rough estate.

Long story short, we overpaid the mortgage as much as we could (as that made me feel less trapped) did it up in our style, held into something a friend had said about when you close the door it's your home, no mater where it is. We had our first 7 years after moving in, another one a year later and moved a year after that. The value of the house from our work and property rises also meant it had doubled in price. 2 months after we left a boy was killed at the end of the road.

hsegfiugseskufh · 14/08/2019 15:40

we bought a house in a "rough" area and everyone commented about how awful it was how they'd never live there, but we did live there for four years and moved when ds was 2. TBH it was fine, our neighbours were knobs as well, I called the police on them a couple of times (but you get arseholes in naice estates too!!)

I would do it up, make it nice because that honestly will make you feel better. Focus on the positives and as I said, why you bought it, and then move if you can before any DC go to school.

Original poster
Regreteverything · 14/08/2019 15:49

GreenTulips

Anyway, I can understand how you didn’t realise when you viewed the house?

It wasn't this bad! This is just a cumulative list of things I've noticed and not even everything. E.g. I didn't bother mentioning the fly tipping or the guy who sits on his sofa in his front garden most days.

It looked a bit neglected with overgrown gardens and a bit of rubbish, but the parks were full of laughing children, there was no shouting neighbours when we visited and I only saw a couple of teenagers on their bikes who didn't look suspicious.

There were a number of houses which were clearly being renovated with skips and so on outside the house, so we thought oh great, it really must be improving!

Obviously being here full time is very different to visiting at random times and days.

OP posts:
weewinnie · 14/08/2019 15:58

I was in an almost identical situation but I already had one DD and was pregnant with my son. We mainly renovated the big bits before we moved in (10 days before my son was born) so it was a lot! Not the best area but my I love my neighbours on my road. Such a lovely little community here once you get chatting to people. We've increased the value of the property and the area is very up and coming. I'm loving raising my children here. Try and reach out and make friends locally

MissRabbitNeedsAHoliday · 14/08/2019 16:24

If you really hate it and don't want to stay there can you try and sell it now? If it's not at the top of your budget etc can you try and sell it just for what you paid for it, take the hit and move on? I know its not ideal but if you can't see yourself feeling any better about it you might need to?

BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo · 14/08/2019 22:14

I agree with MissRabbit cut your loses and get out of there, don’t throw good money after bad, you have mad a mistake, make peace with your error, stop beating yourself up and put a plan in motion to move. Bring pro active will make you feel a lot better as there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.

BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo · 14/08/2019 22:46

Apologies for typos!

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