To ask if you regret buying your house - and how to get over myself?

[Regreteverything]

DP and I bought a run down house in a rough-around-the-edges but "up and coming" area. I didn't think it was that bad when we viewed the house but we've lived here about 6 weeks and I bitterly regret my decision especially after coming from renting in a naice area. It's pretty deprived. I'm struggling to come to terms with what I've done. Every day I see something new which makes me regret this all over again.

Location location location. I wish I'd listened to that mantra.

I had so many ideas for the house and now I feel like I don't want to "waste" money doing it up really nicely as I don't want to stay here. I no longer care about the doors, the floors, any of it.

There are chavvy kids and teenagers being anti social in the streets. I get that it's half term and the situation might be magnified but I just feel constantly on edge.

Neighbours screaming and shouting at each other at all hours of the day and night.

I have seen two separate pregnant women smoking.

We were going to TTC when we bought a house and were maybe halfway through the renovations but honestly I feel my ovaries shrivelling up at the thought. I don't want to have a baby here and I don't want to send my non-existant DC to school with these screaming, shrieking, swearing children.

DP says that I'm being nasty, dramatic and a snob, that it's not that bad here and I just need to get used to it, but I dread going home and find myself looking for excuses to stay late at work and browsing Rightmove...

Has anyone been in a similar situation? What did you do? What should I do?

@Haworthia

That's exactly the kind of area I live in actually, always have done and it's taught me to be grateful for everything I have. The OP should spare a thought for those who find themselves homeless, or umemployed or victims of an abusive system designed to keep the poor in their place before the 'woe is me' act.

My local area is not ideal obviously, but I also don't believe in looking down my nose at others no matter what circumstances they've found themselves in. I also think that people should consider contributing to the community in a positive way before writing it off the way the OP has.

If you're unhappy, do something about it. It's not difficult.

I sympathise, we moved last Autumn and I wandered round my wonderful new house, feeling like I was a burglar in someone else's house. It has got better as we've settled in (and cluttered it up with our crap).
We moved because husband hated the old house with a burning passion, which only got worse over the years.
So...settle in, let some time pass, try to make friends with your neighbours but if it's still not making you happy, do it up as best you can and move on.

We did exactly this op.

We bought our first house in a deprived area. We had no dc and didn’t pay much attention to the area as ‘you close your door on it’ anyway. We bought a nice 2 bed house.

When we moved there I hated it for ages for all the reasons you mention but I gradually got used to it and accepted it.

Then life happened, we had dc. We were in negative equity and couldn’t sell and became complacent. We stayed there for 12 years in total until dc 3 meant we had to move.

We’ve sold and moved to a bigger renter house in a ‘naice’ area....an area we can’t afford to buy. Most people think we’re crazy, we’ve gone backwards, got off the housing ladder. But oh my word. I LOVE it.

It’s honestly changed my life, my mood, my outlook in so many ways. Just having nice things to look at rather than scruffy lawns and uncared for houses. Hearing birds rather than screeching kids and mothers shouting to ‘get the fuck off of that’ after school when they walk past my house. It’s a real mental well-being thing iykwim.

I didn’t even realise any more how much I’d hated living in the area we had until we moved. I kick myself now that we didn’t move straight out after a few months. If it makes me a snob so be it - I’d rather rent where we are now than own in previous crap area.

In your shoes now, I’d spend a few months renovating for as low cost as possible, then sell and buy a house in a nicer area.

CoolWivesClub2019

It’s honestly changed my life, my mood, my outlook in so many ways. Just having nice things to look at rather than scruffy lawns and uncared for houses. Hearing birds rather than screeching kids and mothers shouting to ‘get the fuck off of that’ after school when they walk past my house. It’s a real mental well-being thing iykwim.

Ah this touched a nerve. It's definitely this too, although the antisocial behaviour is the more pressing issue.

I miss just going for little walks in the parks or high street - I used to go for a nice relaxing walk after dinner almost every day. Here I leave the house and feel on edge I know it'll get worse as the days continue to get shorter.

whatwouldbigfatfannydo

The OP should spare a thought for those who find themselves homeless, or umemployed or victims of an abusive system designed to keep the poor in their place before the 'woe is me' act.

You're doing the starving-children-in-Africa routine on me and it's not helpful frankly. Of course there are people in worse positions but that's not the point is it? Is not a race to the bottom to be "allowed" to complain

Hi OP,
This thread really resonates with me as we were in a similar situation.

To the PPs who are calling you snobby complaining about the anti social behaviour of some of your neighbours and asking why you moved there, well I’m guessing because you’re not snobby and you didn’t assume (had no idea I imagine) that it would be as bad as it is.

We bought ex council less than half a mile from where we had rented so thought we knew the area well, but actually didn’t often walk through the estate. We have family in council estates so had no ingrained snobbery. Like a PP, vulnerable next door neighbour who was lovely herself but was exploited by gangs of older druggy people who used her flat to hold multi day parties. Plus regular younger dealers outside the flat(small block in a private dead end street so no one around apart from these characters). Plus a horrible violent crime happening right on my doorstep one night.

We had to put in sound proofing , more secure windows and rearrange the lay out of the flat when we did work. Mentally the way I got through was to aim to get it done up and sell ASAP, which we did. Also stayed with family more than usual and get an Uber home if I was out late so as to get dropped off by my door.

I completely get what you said about feeling on edge.
I think you should stop viewing it as your home, view it as a project. Get ear plugs/ambient noise for at night. I find radio on at low volume good during the day. Do make yourself go out/go for walks etc, but to places or at times that you feel comfortable.

Yes, I’m sure all the people posting jibes about the OP’s “snobbery” would be just delighted to live surrounded by crime, deprivation and anti-social behaviour all around

Or they already do, and they’ve convinced themselves it’s not all that bad because there’s no way out :(

OP I feel for you, that sounds absolutely horrendous. This thread has been an example of ‘buy in haste, repent at leisure’ from some of the stories I’ve seen. I would rather rent in a nice area than own in a shitty one, I grew up on a council estate and it does a lot of damage to your mental well-being being surrounded by antisocial behaviour, shitty neighbours, crime etc. It’s all very well people saying ‘wherever you are located, when you shut the door it’s your home’ but that’s cold comfort when even inside your own house you’re subjected to noise, screaming and swearing, and afraid of being broken into. It’s difficult to relax knowing what’s going on outside. And it wouldn’t make me feel much better hoping that when school starts up again it’ll get better, as you’re only ever a few months away from the next summer holidays or half term or Christmas break.

Is there much point investing in doing up the house? Will it actually sell for much more than you spend on renovations with it being in a bad area? I think you need to give it a few months before making any decisions about moving, but you’ll have a job getting out if your DP thinks it’s fine. Do you reckon he actually thinks it’s alright or is he in denial?

Better to buy a tiny place in a good area than a bigger place in an awful area if it’s as bad as you say imo. We just bought our first home this year and it was a nightmare of mine that we’d buy and realise we were stuck in a shitty area or with awful neighbours unable to move quickly like you can with you rent. How you feel in your own home has a big impact on your wellbeing and overall enjoyment of life imo. Sorry you’re in this pickle. When you were checking out the place didn’t you knock on a few doors nearby to meet neighbours and see what they thought of the area/what they were like?

I love the people who seem to think that loud, obnoxious kids and screaming shouting neighbours don't have any impact.

I'm from as shite a background as you can get in this country and I don't carry on like that. Chavvy is nothing to do with money and everything to do with acting like an entitled bellend.

There's nothing snobby about not wanting to be around people like that.

I think you should do your sums and see how much it will cost to do up and how much houses in similar condition are selling for.

If that gives you a profit, go ahead and renovate, then sell. If not, sell soon. Maybe do a lick of paint.

It won't cost a fortune to tidy it up. Do that. Reassess in a years time.

Put in double glazing , new carpets, flooring, paint throughout. Add a new kitchen if the existing one can't be saved and do the same to the bathroom. Tidy up the garden and get it back on the market as soon as possible. It seems like the location is the problem not the actual house. It is often possible to buy big houses in not so nice areas and you then have to do a toss up. Next time make sure you like the actual location even if you have to compromise on the size of the house!

Our house has quite spacious rooms and is in a nice area of an up and coming village. There is antisocial behaviour in the village but not on our side so we dont tend to see it. Obviously is an issue when the kids start school, ours has very good primary schools but the high school is poor. We are happy for now but I intend to move before my kids get to high school age if the school doesn't improve. Lots of people in the are seem to move before kids get to high school age too. This will probably paying more for a house that is not as spacious as what we have but I can live without a separate dining room if my kids are at a better high school.

In the meantime, lobby your police and local councillors. You won’t be the only ones fed up with shit behaviour!

The thing is if the OP lodges complaints about noise or any disputes with neighbours, she is legally obliged to declare that when they sell the house, which might make it way harder to sell.
It can be an expensive PITA replacing windows on ex council houses as council are freeholders, but on the other hand it would help with noise and also make you feel safer.

Totally sympathy OP. I really mean that.
I think a lot of people can feel a bit of that.
I loved our house 20 years ago when we were looking at it. Large old house, fabulous old garden. Loads of potential, and we got it for a good price. We were delighted with ourselves.

Walked into it the day we signed and suddenly I was looking at an ugly money pit with the most ghastly 70's decor and a huge overgrown garden.

We were both ashen face for several days. But we had a budget and we stuck to it. Within 6 months the house was completely transformed.
I spent 6 weeks removing wallpaper from the walls, layers of it that awful woodchip stuff. (Still can't look at wall paper, 20 years on!)
Hard work with a focus on the best quality finish on a budget got us the house we wanted.

If I were you I would find out the most reputable, most used estate agent in the area and find out the top price your house could go for. Every area has a price ceiling.

With this in mind you fix a tight budget and you stick to it.

Do not over spend.

Overspending will be a gift to the next buyer straight from your pocket.

Give the best finish to the job.

Don't over personalise the decor. White everywhere on the walls first and live with it before you spend money on colour.

Do the best you can with tidying up out side. Tidy and neat, focusing on kerb appeal.

Plain and simple fixtures and fittings are best in a cheaper house. You simply won't get the money back.

Ditto with the kitchen.

Focus on the house as a project.
Focus on making money.
Hopefully the thought of making a profit will ease the pain.

Best of luck.

Are the neighbor homes owned? Rented? Council?

I only ask because if there are some homes being brought and done up, they will sell to similar people to yourselves.

Areas change, our lovely street was full of elderly residents, very quiet nice open gardens, semi detached etc.

When the elderly died the houses were snapped up by developers and they built over the garages, put up walls and fences out the front and it no longer flowed. Others started to move out and the bigger families moved in. Local school took a dive.

We were moving anyway to another country. But it didn’t feel the same.

My grandmother brought in a notorious area of crime, however the council did a complete regeneration along with teens now grown up and moving on, the area became safe and a nice place to live.

You can’t guarantee the outcome.

Can you get a committee together along with the police to see what can be done? It appears the neighbours are the biggest issue more the neighbour hood and coming to sell you could make a positive impact for everyone.

MoltoAgitato

In the meantime, lobby your police and local councillors. You won’t be the only ones fed up with shit behaviour!

Excellent idea.

GreenTulips

Are the neighbor homes owned? Rented? Council?

Looking online at the stats, it appears to be mostly 50-50 between owned and privately rented with a couple of social housing, but I think those are the flats...

I hated my house and cried on the day I moved into it, I only viewed it once in the sale process and it was so much worse when I arrived on moving day! However I knew it need a lot of work and I had it organised to start on the morning after completion. I hated it because the previous owners didn't look after it: it was filthy with mud and mess from their dogs, all the units in the kitchen greasy and grimy, nothing worked correctly. After a full rewire, replaster and redecorate and a new kitchen it is transformed and now I love it. So maybe the potential is there in your house. That said, mine is in a really nice area; it's a street of ex local authority houses and has lots of nice people, young families etc so it's a much better place to live than where I moved from (which sounds more like where you are now!). I hope it gets better one thing I did notice is that when I lived somewhere like that, it was always worse in the summer months because everyone is outside and windows are open; it's better in the colder months!

MissB83

Yeah that's the thing, the house is a state but that doesn't phase me because I know it can be fixed. I know I can make it lovely and we specifically looked for a project.

one thing I did notice is that when I lived somewhere like that, it was always worse in the summer months because everyone is outside and windows are open; it's better in the colder months!

I hope this holds true.

When I first let myself in to our house after picking up the keys from the estate agents, I dramatically threw myself on the living room floor and cried hot tears of regret. Ex council semi in an area very high on the deprivation index. Anti-social behaviour, vandalism, truancy and poverty. As a teacher, I had thought that I 'got' these issues, but nothing had really prepared me for living in the midst of them. DP and I had always rented in beautiful places, but as a PP suggested, what we could afford to buy was quite different. I was even scared of going to the shops for the first 6 months.
Fast forward 13 years and we love it. We've probably loved it for 12 of those years. DP, who grew up in a place very similar to our area came round almost immediately, and would joke that I was being a bit of an 'uptown girl'. And he was a bit right. Gradually, I came to focus less on the negative aspects of our new home, and more on what it had going for it. I relaxed and found that my neighbours were actually OK.
Wishing you lots of courage and resolve, and may whichever decision you make turn out to be absolutely brilliant for you, and here's holding the possibility of loving your home one day!