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AIBU?

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Original poster

To buy trousers for wok on my day off?

237 replies

FutureMrsC · 13/08/2019 11:15

Dp thinks I am. Yesterday at work my work trousers got a rip in them. My other pair is a bigger size with no belt loops and will probably fall down whilst I'm working. Today is my day off I popped to shop picked up 2 pairs of trousers and put a cheque in the bank. Do rang me and said "oh your on the street" I simply said "I'm omw back 1 stop on bus from home, I was quick" he then moaned that over weekend I said I'd go put cheque in bank on Tues and he thought it wasn't necessary because I didn't need the money (money is from elderly relative for DC for a gift so has something to open on birthday rather than a piece of paper) and originally he said he would drop me to bank sat morning to pay cheque in but he overslept

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 13/08/2019 19:53

But why did he think you shouldn't go out?
It's worrying that you need to account for your every movement, even explaining that you may be out of signal briefly.

ShirleyPhallus · 13/08/2019 19:54

OP you have a lot of threads about your relationship with this man - why are you still together?

Mummadeeze · 13/08/2019 19:55

This is worrying, I agree. You are being controlled OP. It is not normal to have to rush back from the shops or justify why you have gone to the shops. In a healthy relationship you can do what you like when you like. Talk to friends or family for support.

bellabasset · 13/08/2019 19:56

I thought his objection was that you were buying work trousers- as supplied by your employer- on your day off!

skybluee · 13/08/2019 20:01

I wasn't going to say anything, but omg me too. Yesterday at work I realised I'd run out of eggs and needed to get some, I popped out to Tesco and they were on special offer so I got the extra large ones. DH phoned and I said I was getting eggs but while I was there I needed to go to the library too. I needed to go to the library because I don't have any books to read. Anyway, by that point I was on my way back home but the bus was late but he had said if I'd waited he would give me a lift.

Seriously, if he's at work why is he bothered by what you do? Why would you not be able to go out? Why would you have to make an excuse to go out? Do you have to explain everything to him? That doesn't sound good, you should be free to come and go as you choose - I hope you are OK.

Cherrysoup · 13/08/2019 20:12

Does he normally try to control when you go out? That’s ridiculous. You don’t need to tell him where you are, especially when he’s at work, that’s crazy.

Ginger1982 · 13/08/2019 20:14

This is weird. Why did you feel the need to tell him you were going out in case he couldn't get you with a bad signal? Would he have been annoyed if he couldn't reach you?

bluebeck · 13/08/2019 20:18

Ok, I think we understand what happened a bit better now.

However, can you explain why your DP would be so interested in how long you spent at the shops? Do you have to account for every minute of your time? Is he controlling?

It's your day off - surely you do whatever the fuck you want?

HillRunner · 13/08/2019 20:21

You're a grown woman, you don't need his permission to go out. You don't need an excuse. If you wanted, you should be able to go out for no reason at all.

simplekindoflife · 13/08/2019 20:31

Why is he checking up on you on your day off?? It's your day off to do whatever you want to do, surely?? You should feel free to try every pair of trousers in town if you so wished... is he normally like this?

PuzzledObserver · 13/08/2019 20:32

Where was the DC while you were running errands and DP was at work? Could he have been worrying about that?

ElizaDee · 13/08/2019 20:49

So you need his permission to go out and you have to account for every minute?

Today I wfh. DH was here as he wfh every day. Around lunchtime I announced I was going to the high street to get some lunch. I took longer as I went in a few more shops, and the post office. DH didn't bat an eyelid, as that's normal.

ClemDanFango · 13/08/2019 20:50

Why do you need an ‘excuse’ to go out? Are you under orders not to leave the house unless he says it’s ok?

HappyParent2000 · 13/08/2019 20:52

You need to nip this controlling behaviour in the bud ASAP!

It’s not yet but it could easily slip into a darker place.

LillithsFamiliar · 13/08/2019 21:00

Do you live together? Is he your DD's father? Has he always been very controlling?
YANBU to go out on your day off.
You don't even need to tell your DP that you're going out. I went out with DC today without telling DH and he was in the house he was on the phone We don't report to each other or need to ask permission. Your DP's response to this is UR.

HouseholdPlantMurderer · 13/08/2019 21:08

@LillithsFamiliar do AS. It will answer your questions and bring new ones😮

CakeOrDeathh · 13/08/2019 21:20

Is he always so controlling about why you leave the house and when???

dollydaydream114 · 13/08/2019 21:31

OK, now that I've read your update I can see that he is a total prick. He was at work. You had a day off. You can do whatever the fuck you like with it!

Is he always like this?

caballerino · 13/08/2019 22:24

It's incredibly sad that you seem to think it's normal to live like this. It's not.

MrsBertBibby · 13/08/2019 22:35

OP it really is not up to him what you do with your time.

The only question a partner should be asking is "did you have fun/get what you wanted/take time for tea and cake/get to see your friend.

tomatostottie · 14/08/2019 11:16

It's none of his fucking business what you do on your day off. He is at work. You can go out all day if you want. Or does he not allow this?
Or is it an issue as to who is looking after the DC while you are shopping - it's not clear if you took DC with you or if they were being looked after by something else.

tomatostottie · 14/08/2019 11:26

Ok, I've just read your thread where your 'D'P cancelled plans at the last minute and wouldn't reply to various text messages and phone calls regarding a day out for the children. Also read the updates where it turns out you aren't living together and have one child each.
So you don't live together and he is making a scene because you went out on your day off to get trousers. Also he treats you like shit - not communicating properly about plans where the children were involved. He can fuck off and switch his phone off and ignore you but you feel like you have to send extra messages in case there is no reception in the shopping centre so that he won't be wondering why he can't contact you.
This is seriously all kinds of fucked up. You realize that don't you??

Please do not marry this fuckwit. You'd be better off getting rid of this controlling knobhead and bringing up BOTH children on your own.

isitjanuary · 14/08/2019 11:51

Op you're allowed to leave the house any time you want, for any reason. He has no right to tell you where you should be.

Please ltb, seriously.

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 14/08/2019 11:52

Oh OP, this started as a silly thread but your last posts are so troubling.

Can you even see how far under his cosh you are? Having to prove where you are in case you lose a home signal, having to prove you are close by and will be home soon.

It's all very very worrying and I hope you can see it from the outside and make some wise choices about your own life.

CitadelsofScience · 14/08/2019 12:15

Op this isn't how a normal relationship works.

You don't have to justify what you do, who with or where to this man. If I'm home and I have the occasional whim to go off somewhere and my husband is at work then I just go. I don't text him to let him know where I am. This is normal.

I've just read your other thread and on the basis of how he's been treating you, I'd suggest you think seriously whether you should be with him.

My advice is split up for good, protect yourself because if you don't then it's likely to get much worse.