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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have dog PTS

86 replies

VivienScott · 13/08/2019 08:37

Long story short, dog has cancerous growths on paws that are open, bleeding and a bit smelly to the point now he is limping badly and struggles walking. Vet confirmed it last month and until the other week he was happy enough in pain meds. In last week he’s deteriorated quickly and now is struggling, but in himself he seems happy. Wants food, always trying to move around, wags his tail etc. I know he’s probably got a few weeks left if I’m being honest given his deterioration. However, I’m due to go on holiday in a couple of days, and I’m really not sure he’ll be here when we get back. It feels cruel to leave him with my friend who said she’d look after him to have him possibly die when I’m away with no family there, and massively unfair on my friend though she doesn’t mind.
I don’t think he’s really got a quality of life or any longevity left at the moment, but at the same time having him pts before it’s absolutely necessary seems to be more to suit my holiday plans than his needs. But I’m also aware having him pts before he’s at deaths door is probably kinder. I’ve the vets today, AIBU to have him pts

OP posts:
FlyingCat · 13/08/2019 08:38

Yanbu.

Better for him to have family around him when he meets his end.

TitsalinaBumSquash · 13/08/2019 08:39

I don't think YABU, you know he's going to be PTS in the not too distant future anyway, he's deteriorating rapidly, it's kinder (IMO) to do it while he's with the people he knows and loves rather than have your friend have to deal with it and contact you on holiday. I'm sorry your Ddog is unwell.

BeanBag7 · 13/08/2019 08:39

Not unreasonable. Kinder for him and for your friend.

steff13 · 13/08/2019 08:40

I would. It's such a hard decision, but I think it sounds like the right thing in this case.

Purplerain16 · 13/08/2019 08:41

You aren't being unreasonable.

Its such a hard decision to make, you know your pupper better than anyone on here.
We had our cat PTS even though he was still happy because he didn't have any quality of life.

If he's deteriorating I would say have him PTS before he is in too much pain.
I would book an appointment to do it at home, where he's comfortable and surrounded by people that love him.

I know that's hard and some people find it strange but he would much prefer that than to be PTS in a cold, metallic vets office x

I hope you're okay Flowers

OrangeSwoosh · 13/08/2019 08:41

YANBU, sorry Sad

IMO it's far better to have him PTS a few days too early, than let him get worse (which sounds inevitable) and have to suffer for any length of time. Also, it'll be much nicer for him to have his family by his side, and not have to have the upheaval and stress of you going away/him being left with a dog sitter etc.

WombatStewForTea · 13/08/2019 08:41

Definitely do it now so you can be with him. As you say not fair on him to die alone and a lot to put on your friend

kaytee87 · 13/08/2019 08:42

Yanbu

We waited too long to put our dog to sleep because we just couldn't face it. I feel guilty that his last weeks were so bad because of us.

LittleFairywren · 13/08/2019 08:42

It sounds like it's past the time to pts if he's got open painful smelly cancerous sores on his feet making it hard for him to walk.

fairislecable · 13/08/2019 08:43

YANBU

If it happens whilst you are away you will feel awful. If in his last hours his mainstay in life is not there he will be pining for you.

If you take him to the vets and plan a considered goodbye it will also be better for the dog.

DonPablo · 13/08/2019 08:44

Flowers it sounds like the right thing to do. One of the tips someone gave me when we had our dog pts was to pay beforehand so when it's done you can just leave and not have to stand at the reception desk, tearful, fumbling for your purse. It really helped, as weird as it sounds.

Pet grief is hard... Hope you are OK and have some IRL support today.

steff13 · 13/08/2019 08:45

kaytee87 we had our dig put to sleep this past March. But, I'm the opposite of you; I feel guilty that we might have done it too soon, because she did still have good days. I think most people probably question whether it was the right thing, no matter what the circumstances. 💐

Medievalist · 13/08/2019 08:47

YANBU - do it today. It's not a hard choice given his condition. Don't confuse your thinking by bringing your holiday into your thought processes.

I adore my dogs but wouldn't let one carry on a day longer in that state. Certainly wouldn't leave him to the care of someone else in potentially his final days.

NeverGotMyPuppy · 13/08/2019 08:50

Sounds like the right thing to do for everyone hard as it is.
Good luck OP

Lou573 · 13/08/2019 08:53

Better a week too soon than a day too late I think. If you can save him the inevitable suffering when it gets really bad why wouldn’t you?

gamesanddaisychains · 13/08/2019 08:57

Dogs are expert at hiding pain, it is a natural instinct. It would be kinder to have him pts, it is peaceful, painless and he will be with the one he loves most at the end. I have had to do this twice, sometimes we hang on because we can't bear to be parted from them, sometimes because we hope they will recover. I think it is time for your lovely best friend.

Booboostwo · 13/08/2019 08:59

You have to be brave and do it now for the sake of the dog. It's heartbreaking but it is best for the dog so it's the last act you can do as a good owner. I am very sorry you in this position.

ShhhBeQuiet · 13/08/2019 09:00

YANBU. It’s in his best interests. Don’t feel guilty about it. It’s ok.
💐💐

bloodywhitecat · 13/08/2019 09:08

In your situation I would put to sleep before I went away. I am so sorry, it such a hard decision to make.

dollydaydream114 · 13/08/2019 09:10

It's such an awful decision to have to make, but YANBU. It sounds like the kindest thing in this situation. I'm so sorry.

Peacocking · 13/08/2019 09:26

Better now than later, while you're with him and he feels safe and happy. This isnt hard for him, his little world is just as it should be bar some annoying health issues. He hasnt a clue. Its hard for you, and you know he's only going to feel worse each day. This is the greatest gift you could give him. I went through this with my little soul dog recently and really feel for you. Just because it the right thing to do, doesn't make it any easier xxx

RedWoollyHat · 13/08/2019 09:26

YANBU. It's the kindest thing you can do for them - taking responsibility deciding the time and being there with them. He'll be happiest and most secure with you, rather than your friend. I'm so sorry, it's an awful thing to have to go through.

Wereeaglesdare · 13/08/2019 09:35

Regardless of what anyone says to you, your going to feel absoloute betrayal. It will break your heart and you will keep thinking did I make the right decision.
My boy was a ripe old age of 17 his back legs kept going and he couldn't get up and he started winning and panting alot. But on his last day he ate a full meal, strolled around the woods and for once he didn't whine when we were outside the vets. He didn't cry once which was so unusual in all the time I've known him. We held him and he died in peace. We didn't leave him for a second. And I knew he wasn't scared. He kept putting his head up as he was getting sedated to see us all like his last goodbye.

You are doing the right thing. If we had the choice to put our loved ones to sleep when they were telling us they were in pain then we would without hesitation. Don't leave his side all be around him. Last act of kindness as his owner.

LuvSmallDogs · 13/08/2019 09:55

It's kinder to PTS before the animal is 100% miserable than to hold on too long, as I have known people to.

browzingss · 13/08/2019 09:59

My childhood dog had something somewhat similar (hip dysplasia, dragging hind legs along, large wounds on paws as a result) but my family kept him alive - at the end he was very, very poorly and I felt so awful for him. He couldn’t move, was in pain, would use the bathroom in his bed, had to be hand fed, slept all day, essentially a shell of his normal self. It would have been much kinder if my parents PTS.