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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For telling a woman her baby’s cot was unsafe?

102 replies

GimmeeCaffeine · 12/08/2019 13:36

Hi all. Me again, and Facebook again Grin

This time, a woman posted a photo in a parenting group of her ten week old baby’s cot. It had a cot bumper and loose teddies in it. In the post the mother said she removes the teddies when her baby is asleep but keeps the bumper on as her baby gets their legs caught in the bars.

I commented: ‘Hey, not sure if you knew this, but cot bumpers are very unsafe and pose a potential suffocation/strangulation risk. If you’re worried about baby getting their legs caught in the bars you can put them in a sleeping bag.’

Perfectly polite and non-confrontational, or so I thought. But I then had a few comments saying that I was ‘shaming’ the mother ‘for her choices’ and I was a ‘keyboard warrior’.

I appreciate that being told something you’ve done is potentially unsafe for your child may be galling/upsetting, but I considered that she may not have even been aware that bumpers were unsafe. There were some things regarding safe sleep that I wasn’t aware of until someone told me (I have a baby myself). Also, if I discovered that a baby had suffocated on a bumper and I had known that there were bumpers in their cot but had not said anything for fear of upsetting the mother, I don’t think I could live with myself.

I am all for choices in regards to parenting (I’m firmly in the ‘fed is best’ camp when it comes to breast v bottle feeding and don’t think a mother should be shamed for whatever choice she makes in that regard) but when it comes to safety?

Am I wrong here? Should I have just kept my mouth shut?

OP posts:
JustMe81 · 12/08/2019 15:37

Cot safety was never mentioned to me. My HV asked if baby had a safe sleeping space and that was that. I didn’t tell or show her where baby slept. Tbf she had to pull out her guide to breastfeeding book when I asked a question about that so my HV possibly isn’t the best example.

ColaFreezePop · 12/08/2019 15:44

They must either have crap HVs or have been watching the wee birdies out the window when the HV was talking.

Not mentioned by my HV. Though to be fair due to the people I mentioned I know for support, and the fact I mentioned stuff about safer sleeping guidelines she didn't ask.

Original poster
GimmeeCaffeine · 12/08/2019 15:47

@StupidlittlepricknamedRick What a ridiculous comment. Formula feeding isn’t dangerous. Cot bumpers are. I don’t have a narrative but you clearly do.

OP posts:
Original poster
GimmeeCaffeine · 12/08/2019 15:50

@Valanice1989 Exactly my point. People seem more outraged that a woman may be upset by a comment rather than that a baby may be put in a potentially dangerous situation.

OP posts:
Starlive23 · 12/08/2019 15:58

I agree with PP, what you said was correct of course but would have gone down much better in a private message.

Starlive23 · 12/08/2019 16:07

...but following on from that, no I don't think you were being unreasonable at all, maybe just a little insensitive!

socksforfox · 12/08/2019 16:11

I like the airflow bumpers too.

pikapikachu · 12/08/2019 17:04

Do they still sell socket covers? That's something else that needs banning in the UK

user1480880826 · 12/08/2019 17:08

What kind of cot bumper was it? The airflow ones are pretty safe. I used one because my daughter constantly got her arms and legs caught in the bars and really hurt herself once.

powershowerforanhour · 12/08/2019 17:11

Do they still sell socket covers?

Yes. My DH arrived home with some bought from Mothercare and was a bit crestfallen when I showed him an explanation written by an electrician (or electrical engineer, I forget which) as to why they were a bad idea for use in the UK. That was not discussed by the HV.

HeadintheiClouds · 12/08/2019 17:14

To be fair, when things are being sold in Mothercare, of all places, it’s easy to assume you can’t go far wrong with it. It’s irresponsible of them to keep those things on the shelves.

PivotPivotPivottt · 12/08/2019 17:37

I don't think you done anything wrong you were just thinking of her baby's safety after all. I didn't use cot bumpers for either of mine but only because my mum told me she used one for me and she came in my room one morning and my head was trapped behind it wrapped round my neck.

I also didn't know the risk of socket covers until a couple of months ago. Moved into my new house which has a lot of sockets so decided to buy some covers. Few days later I read a thread on here warning how dangerous they were and I instantly removed and binned them all much to my mum's horror (until I explain why they're dangerous). I felt stupid that I hadn't known this before but was very grateful to the person that started the thread.

Blastnamechangeagain · 12/08/2019 17:42

Oh god I am guilty of that one. But I do it by private message. It’s sleepyhead nest things as the moment though. They are advised against by the lullaby trust but still sold everywhere arrrrrrrrr.
Driving me mad.
BTW I am a Paediatric health professional so I do know what I’m talking about but sooooo awkward everytime.

HeadintheiClouds · 12/08/2019 17:48

What’s unsafe about the sleepyhead nest? See, I wouldn’t have known that at all, not that I have a newborn at the moment anyway...
But it’s another thing with safety concerns in wide circulation. Can’t the manufacturers be forced to put warning labels on such things?

mumderland · 12/08/2019 17:51

In my experience you may as well talk to a brick wall because most people choose not to take your advice and no matter what you say they won't take your advice.
This is one reason I deleted Facebook!

Sandybval · 12/08/2019 18:06

They must either have crap HVs or have been watching the wee birdies out the window when the HV was talking. Mine mentioned it at least twice with each of my babies and it was in the safe sleeping booklet that I got in hospital and again at first HV visit; I think it's in the birth to five book as well.

Mine was an hour late, asked if I was okay and then left, I wouldnt assume that the quality of information is equal among HV's.

Valanice1989 · 12/08/2019 18:14

I don't understand why society is more worried about a grown woman being judged than a baby's safety

^ Actually, I take back this comment. I didn't phrase it well. I don't think pointing out that cot bumpers are risky means that you're judging the mother. How many people know every possible risk associated with parenting? None of us do! There are countless aspects of parenting that I'm clueless about! Not knowing about why cot bumpers aren't recommended doesn't make you a bad mother by any stretch of the imagination.

Amanduh · 12/08/2019 18:16

Yanbu. I cannot believe in this day and age anyone chooses to use them.

ArtichokeAardvark · 12/08/2019 19:02

@PivotPivotPivottt what's the danger with socket covers? Genuine question - I have a very over curious toddler and have covers on every socket that isn't in use! Confused

PivotPivotPivottt · 12/08/2019 19:10

ArtichokeAardvark

I'm not great at explaining stuff and would probably get the details wrong Blush here's the link to the thread where I got the information from

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3571512-To-remind-people-of-the-danger-of-socket-covers

Ithoughtyouwere · 12/08/2019 19:18

I see/hear people talk about dangerous parenting practices all the time but rarely pick them up on it, maybe because I know how defensive everyone gets about their parenting choice.

Drop side cots, bumpers, socket covers and rear facing car seats are the main contentious issues. My SIL doesn’t rear face her 2 year old but I’m not about to shove my opinion on the matter in their face unless they ask. I have, however, stressed the issue of socket covers.

Meanwhile I felt on edge for the first 6 months of my DDs life after hearing about how you shouldn’t kiss a newborn due to the risk of them contracting a serious virus. Wish I had now, although she was fine, I think I’ll make it clear no one is kissing DC2.

So to answer your question, yanbu but I wouldn’t have the balls to say so on Facebook.

Raspberrytruffle · 12/08/2019 19:39

Gosh if I was concerned I'd message her rather than putting a public message up for everyone to see. How things change it was only 10 years ago bumpers were supposed to be safe, if I decided to have another child I need to forget everything I've learned and start from scratch Grin

pikapikachu · 12/08/2019 19:50

They must either have crap HVs or have been watching the wee birdies out the window when the HV was talking.

I met my HV once with #3, less than a handful of times with #2 and with #1 I last saw her when she did a weaning talk. (This was 18 years ago so when baby was 3 months?) the development checks were not done by the HV.

pikapikachu · 12/08/2019 19:52

I'm happy that at least one person has learned to take out the socket covers i their house. The government should urgently tell retailers to stop selling the UK plug type ones.

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