WIBU to call this out?

[harriethoyle]

On a disgustingly early train to a work thing. Suited and booted as is everyone in my compartment. Everyone in my vicinity is a man.

The chap on the trolley called me love the first time he served me and darling the second time. He has called all of the men around me Sir, both times.

So, the second time, I said "are you aware that you have called me love and darling on the two occasions we've spoken but you are calling all of the men Sir?" At which point he stuttered a bit and apologised.

WIBU in calling out what I felt was total sexism - he didn't call any of the men love! Or am I just a grumpy moo because I've been up for hours and have a long and difficult day ahead and the poor man was just trying to be friendly?!

[Usernamewillautodestrustin]

Will probably get flames for this but I think you have to sometimes sit back and think about the heart behind it. This guy was probably up much earlier than you and still found the energy to be cheerful and friendly.

Yes you may have educated him in the area of sexism but at the same time you embarrassed a man in front a a coach full of people who is probably mortified that his attempts at being friendly caused offense.

I think there is a time and place and I am on the fence with this one.

[HelenUrth]

Well done OP. I'm sure the man didn't mean any harm, was being friendly etc. That's not the point. The point is he was not treating the OP the same as the men on the train.

[TerracottaLeggy]

YABU for using the expression "call it out." So Twittery and American and it does sound as if you are prone to taking offence if you use it.

[legolimb]

the trolley guy didn't need to speak to anyone using Sir/Madam/Love/Hun or anything.

He could just say "that'll be a £zillion for the sandwich. Thank you".

Saves a lot of bother.

Love is a popular term used where I live. I don't mind it from an older woman so much as it's what they are used to. I do hate it from a much younger person though - they should know better.

[dollydaydream114]

Those people saying 'It's not sexist, we call everyone love/pet/darling/sweetheart where I come from...'

Well, no. No you don't. Women might call everyone 'love'. Men, however, only call women 'love'. Men don't routinely call other men love/pet/darling etc. They might call each other 'mate', but that's got a very different meaning to 'love'. That is why it's sexist.

Whether it bothers you or not is another matter, but the sexism isn't really up for debate.

I don't really mind being called 'love' in a situation where the men are also being called 'love'. If the men are being called 'sir', the dynamic is completely different.

[SweetNorthernRose]

@Happyspud what utter bollocks. I call people love irrespective of sex and it's meant in no other way than to be friendly. I'm not trying to be bossy or dominant. I could think of much better ways to assert my authority if I needed to!
That said, I do agree that it's the difference in the way the males and females were addressed in this instance that is the issue so YWNBU OP.

[BeerandBiscuits]

He was just being friendly, I would have cringed if I heard you complaining about it.
I'd hate to be called Ma'am/Madam
Perhaps the men would have preferred something less informal than Sir.
BTW "Call it out" makes you sound like a professional complainer .

[WorraLiberty]

Under those circumstances I would have had no problem with his friendly terminology.

Had it been used in a patronising manner, then I would have called him out.

[Juells]

HRTFT

One of the things I really liked when I lived on Wiltshire/Somerset border was that men in shops or businesses would call you 'my lovely' (in thick Somerset accents). You'd never ever hear that in Ireland, it seemed friendly and nice. I didn't find it sexist, unless acknowledging the difference between the sexes is always in every circumstances sexist.

[WorraLiberty]

And yes, I'd much prefer that than madam.

[BeerandBiscuits]

something less formal

[harriethoyle]

So interesting to hear everyone's opinions. Some of the responses suggest I'm not the only grumpy moo this morning Am definitely not a professional complainer though and didn't dress him down loudly, for those worried he been mortifed in front of the whole carriage!

[littlepaddypaws]

each to their own, if someone is polite and friendly [ie not sweary and leery] i'm okay with it,

[harriethoyle]

He *had been

[HennyPennyHorror]

YANBU. At the worst, his training is poor and at best he needed his habitual sexism to be pointed out.

[TabbyMumz]

I think its fine to be called Love. Much prefer it to Madam. He didn't mean anything by it.

[Anotherusefulname]

I hate being called Madam, it sounds so harsh to my ears. I much prefer Love etc. Being a brummie everyone is 'bab' when I talk.
I don't think I would have noticed whether someone called me something different to the men around. I am in my own world most of the time. Maybe if I paid more attention it would bother me, I don't think so though.

[bellabasset]

I doubt I'd have been bothered enough to notice on an early morning train tbh.

What I dislike is when you visit the dr or a consultant who call you Bella rather than Mrs Basset but refer to themselves as Dr X or Mr X.

[notoafternoontea]

It's the change in formality, as if men command respect and women don't that offends me.

Exactly.

I despair at some of the responses on this thread.

[BoneyBackJefferson]

So for those saying that the OP was correct.

What should he call the OP that isn't going to get him called out?

Ms
Ma'am
Madam

Because I have seen people called out for all 3.

[Spikeyball]

If you are not happy with it it is fine to say something politely including how you would rather be addressed.
Using the phrase "call this out" is unreasonable.

[recrudescence]

Fine to challenge this ... provided you don’t only do it when the other person is in a subordinate position. It’s not terribly courageous to admonish people whose job it is to serve you.

[Limt]

recrudescence, my thoughts exactly.

[Jaxhog]

It annoys the heck out of me too. It is somehow diminishing to be called 'love' when men are called Sir. I'm Madam in that situation.

[20viona]

I wouldn't care less.